


Evocatio

by my_silent_hour



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Actually I think it's quite appropriate, F/M, I mean really a lot of plot but a heaping pile of romance too, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Slow Burn, So much angst, Sorry but there's a lot of plot here, That Force bond is kinda useful, the force made me do it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-04-20 04:49:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 74,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14253360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_silent_hour/pseuds/my_silent_hour
Summary: “Why are you doing this? ... You could have easily pulled information out of me today. You’ve done it before.”“Not here,” he whispered. “The walls have ears.”“Then when?”“Soon,” he promised. “And soon, you’re going to tell me why, exactly, you need my help.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Kylo**

  


The shift in the Force was so strong that it nearly catapulted Kylo Ren off his throne.

The Knights felt it too, though they hardly betrayed it outwardly. Only a highly trained eye could have detected the way his fellow warriors straightened slightly, gripped their weapons more tightly. Their leader and, for most of them, their teacher as well, cast a glance at each one of them in turn. They were deadly, far more deadly than Snoke’s praetorian guards had been. Kylo had seen to that. They’d been trained to maim or kill with the barest of commands. Perhaps he would get to use one of those commands today, if that ginger weasel was to blame for this.

Kylo stood, wasting no more time. Only once on the way to the Supremacy’s bridge did he touch the lightsaber secured at his side, and not for reassurance, only to make sure it would detach in a fraction of a second if necessary.

Stars, how he’d love to see that man’s head roll.

He burst through the bridge doors with all the grace of a young bantha.

“General.” His voice was barely above a whisper. It didn’t have to be. It had the threat of the dark side behind it.

Armitage Hux turned to him, his face contorted in an unnaturally pleasant smile.

“Ren. Good. Now I won’t have to summon you. Phasma has returned from a very successful mission. It seems your little _friend_ from Jakku was poking around in places she oughtn’t be. Takodana, to be exact. But Phasma retrieved her easily. Apparently Skywalker’s training left a lot to be desired.”

“Where is she?” Kylo ground out. He was in front of the general now, and although Kylo wished the man weren’t so tall, Hux still had to look up slightly at him. It was satisfying.

“Returning to her troops? Celebrating at the cantina? How should I know, Ren? She’s taken the rest of the day off. Deservedly.”

_Insubordinate, cocky son of a…_

Hux was actually the son of a very decorated general, but that was neither here nor there.

“Not Phasma,” Kylo growled, barely stifling the added _you kriffing idiot_ that followed in his mind. “ _Her._ The girl.”

“Your scavenger, if that is who I’m to assume you mean, is in a cell in the prison ward, where murderers belong.”

“And you didn’t think to bring her to me?”

“My apologies, Ren. I forgot about your, shall was say, personal interests. I’ll bring her to you right away.” Hux paused, a prim smile on his face, and his voice took on a coquettish lilt that would have been ridiculous from anyone else but from him felt obscene. “Where would you like her? Your private quarters?”

Kylo’s fingers flexed with a desire to choke the weasel. The Force flexed in response. He inhaled, calmed himself, and replied to Hux in kind. “Still sore about not being invited yourself, Armitage? I’m sorry. I’m just not into redheads.”

The sight of Hux’s translucent pale skin turning a lovely shade of crimson made Kylo grin.

“The throne room. And waste no more of my time today.”

Kylo strode out in a flurry of robes and mystique, leaving the idiot general fuming behind him.

 

***

 

A tangled mess of nerves and bright light knotted around him so tightly he could scarcely breathe. Every step she took toward him drove him closer to madness. His Knights appeared unmoved, though he knew they could feel her power as well. But were they so drawn to it like he was? Or was that a special, exquisite kind of torture meant only for him?

He didn’t truly want to know. One answer would have left him acutely jealous, the other acutely alone.

The throne room doors opened wide. Hux appeared, a line of troopers behind him, and Captain Phasma herself forcing Rey forward. Phasma’s chrome boots clanked with every step along the black mirror floor, her armorweave cape perfectly flowing behind her with each step. Her steps were, Kylo noted, less even than usual. Falling into a fiery pit would do that, but like him, she would be healed in no time. She still walked with the confidence of the best of the First Order. In comparison, Rey looked small, dirty, and weak. She also looked very, very tired.

Phasma threw Rey down at Kylo’s feet. She hit the floor with her knees, and kept her head bowed. Something twisted within Kylo to see her laid low like that, there, before him. He wasn’t sure if the twist was pain, or something far more dangerous.

“The desert rat,” Hux announced. “As you requested.”

Kylo ignored him. “Rey.”

The girl did not acknowledge that he’d spoken. Kylo took a deep breath, this time speaking in the lowest, most forbidding part of his voice.

“Look at me.”

Then, after a second of hesitation, she did.

  
  
  
  


**Rey**

 

Rage and fear simmered in her blood for a horrible second before she raised her eyes to his. _Monster_ , the word she’d thought about him so many times, the word she’d spat at him so many times, died on her tongue.

“Kylo Ren,” she said. She’d be damned if she called him Supreme Leader. She’d be damned if she called him Ben. Ben was dead. But still, she needed him, _Kylo_ this time, and she had to sacrifice a bit of pride to get what she wanted.

He cocked his head slightly, and Rey wondered if he’d heard all of that through their bond.

“Rey. Why were you on Takodana?”

She didn’t answer him. The pile of chrome that had brought her to this Maker-forsaken place raised a riot baton, ready to strike.

“Speak, scavenger,” the pile commanded. Captain Phasma. That was her name. She’d heard it before, from Finn. And knowing what Finn suffered, Rey knew what this woman (if she was actually human at all under that mask) was capable of.

“Why ask me, when, as you said, you can take whatever you want?” Rey challenged Kylo.

Then she felt it. Almost welcomed it. Pressure around her neck, bearing down on her windpipe. But there was just pressure, no pain. She searched his dark brown eyes and found no anger there. No delight in her current position. But there was no warmth either, she noted.

“It’s true. I won’t ask politely again. Why were you on Takodana?”

_Why, Rey?_ The question came through to her brain, only, not her ears. She jerked her gaze to him in surprise. He could talk to her through the bond? How? And did that mean she could talk back? _I’ve checked the logs. Phasma only had two troopers with her. You let yourself be taken._

Experimentally, she reached out with her mind and found his: a moody, gray space that was a storm of emotions from all ends of the spectrum. _I need your help._

Kylo’s dark eyes searched hers and he sat back slightly, understanding. _It’s about time you accepted my offer to teach you._

_It’s not what you’re thinking, but yes. I need a teacher._

He considered this. Then, _Answer out loud, Rey. And be smart about it._

Several beats more of silence passed.

Hux spoke. “If she won’t be of use to us, Ren, snap her neck and be done with it.”

_Rey._

She gave Kylo a nearly imperceptible shake of her head. She would only tell Kylo what she had to; the rest wouldn’t get even the slightest scrap.

_I would rather not do this the hard way_ , he said to her, and then, out loud, in a voice pitched to be heard by the whole room: “If you won’t speak, you leave me no choice.”

She stared at him, silent, defiant, teeth clenched. His hand flexed and she braced for pain, or at least more pressure. Neither came. When she didn’t even flinch, he spoke again through the bond. _They want your blood, Rey. At least act like I’m hurting you or they will take it, and trust me, they will do it in the most painful way possible. They’d love to see you dead._

_And you wouldn’t? Last time you saw me, you tried to shoot me out of the sky._

Kylo’s gaze was still locked intensely on her, but she saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard, and a flash of Han Solo’s face lit up behind her eyes.

_I am much more interested in why you need my help,_ he said. There was more to it than that; Rey could feel it flowing thickly between them, but she’d grown so weary of trying to guess at Kylo Ren’s motivations. _Play along, scavenger. Trust me._

She almost laughed at that. She’d trusted him once, and where had that gotten her?

_You must a little. You came to me, after all. And you did come to me, didn’t you? Otherwise Phasma would be in pieces on Takodana. Or did I misread you? Are you truly that weak?_

He didn’t wait for an answer, and flexed his hand toward her throat again. There was a pinch of pain, but only a pinch. Motivated now, Rey spoke in a strangled voice, wincing as if he was truly hurting her.

“I was looking for old Jedi texts,” she gasped out.

“In Maz Kanata’s castle?” the general asked in disbelief. “Captain Phasma says you were in the ruins when she found you.”

“Yes. Maz had a collection of texts that I wanted.”

“Why?” General Hux asked, at the same time Kylo sent the same question through the bond.

Rey hesitated, trying to think of something to say that was more neutral than her actual intentions. In that space of time, Hux drew himself up to his full height and demanded to know why again, and Kylo raised his arm, Force-lifting her into the air like she was his personal puppet.

“Just part of my training. My training is incomplete.” That was true enough, though in the weeks since Luke’s death, she’d done nothing but grow stronger in body and mind and Force, thanks to the texts she’d taken from the tree. And it was true that she’d returned to Takodana for the remaining texts as well, though they weren’t Jedi. They were, in truth, Sith.

“Yes, because your teacher is dead.” Hux chuckled. The sound echoed around the throne room hollowly, and made tears spring to Rey’s eyes. Rey shook her head in denial.

“Of course he’s dead, scavenger. His little display on Crait was too much for him,” Kylo said. “I felt it in the Force the instant he slipped away.”

So had she. She’d held on to Leia like a child, begging the closest thing she had to a mother for comfort. And naturally, Leia had held her in return. She remembered her warm arms around her, her strength giving Rey strength.

Mourning, dark and heavy, traveled toward her along the red cord that bound her to Kylo Ren. Whether or not he could read her mind, he was certainly getting some type of impression. Was it Luke he mourned, or did he miss his mother? Regret turning away from her?

Kylo moved, wrenching her backward in the air, her spine bending uncomfortably. It didn’t hurt, exactly. It was nothing her body couldn’t handle, but she knew he meant it.

“Where is the Resistance hiding, scavenger?” he hissed.

_I won’t tell you that._

_And yet you need my help. It seems there should be an even exchange._

_Teach me, and there will be._

She could feel the intrigue radiate through their bond. _Very well._

Very well? What was he playing at? Was it really going to be this easy? She’d been prepared for torture. Perhaps even worse, though she’d hedged her bets that Ben Solo was still in there somewhere.

“I don’t know where they are,” she said, and Kylo shifted her again at that answer, and she cried out like it was excruciating.

_Rey. Your answers need to be believable. For your own sake. Please._

His voice was so soft. So gentle. And as always, so pleasingly deep. It was the voice he’d used that night in the hut on Ahch-To. The voice he’d used when he’d asked her with that one simple word to rule the galaxy with him.

_Please._ And again, there it was. It almost sounded like… like Ben.

“This mission was mine alone,” Rey said, and to her ears it sounded believably hesitant. “The Resistance has moved on. I’m to find them when I’m ready and only when I’m ready.”

“Ready for what?” Hux again.

“To train new Jedi.”

“The Jedi are gone.” That was Kylo.

“No,” Rey gasped. There was no pain, but she wasn’t in any position for correct breath support. She was actually quite surprised that he could use the Force so strongly, but so humanely at the same time. “There are more. There will always be more.”

“Liar!” General Hux shrieked, and Kylo raised her up higher, nearly turning her upside down. Blood rushed to her face. All around her, guards encircled the throne room that was exactly like the one she remembered with Snoke. She didn’t have time to analyze why Kylo hadn’t made any changes for himself when they’d rebuilt the ship. The guards, though. They were different. Not red and menacing, but all black. As threatening and anonymous as Kylo himself, and, she was sure, just as deadly.

_Kylo…_

_Are you lying?_ He sent back through the bond, and she didn’t have to answer. _Yes. Slightly. You don’t know for sure, do you?_

“Supreme Leader?” Hux asked, looking for Kylo’s guidance on how to proceed.

“She isn’t lying,” Kylo said, his voice dull. “She doesn’t know where they are. But she will help us find them.”

“Supreme Leader, I would be happy to lead this mission,” Captain Phasma said. Rey heard the thunk of chrome armor hitting the floor as Phasma took a knee. “I have… ways… that would make her comply.”

“I have my ways as well,” Kylo said, a tiny bit of laughter in his voice. “And I think matters of the Force should be left to me, Captain, but thank you.”

“Supreme Leader, sir,” Hux said. “It would be _unwise_ for you to leave the Supremacy now. Especially for such a personal pursuit.”

Rey thought she might be mistaken. Surely she was. Had Hux just threatened Kylo?

“There’s nothing personal about it, General. If what she’s saying is true, she can help me find any Force-sensitives in existence. Once all the Jedi are destroyed, I will be the most powerful man in the galaxy. I believe that might be beneficial to the First Order.”

_I’m sorry for this,_ Kylo whispered through the bond right before Rey fell unceremoniously to the floor. She landed in a heap at Phasma’s feet, knees first, and cried out in pain.

“Take her back to the cell. Put her in the Force-blocking shackles,” Kylo commanded.

Phasma hauled Rey up like a rag doll and she stumbled out of the throne room, Phasma’s baton poking her spine the whole way.

Kylo had somehow managed to secure himself for the mission, and perhaps him alone. And it had been all too easy, save for some bruised knees. Rey knew what she was after, what was _he_ hoping to gain?

Inside a turbolift, Phasma pulled out a pair of shackles that looked more droid than restraining device. They blinked and blipped. Phasma forced Rey’s arms together and the cold metal of the shackles clamped around her wrists. Almost immediately, she felt the loss of the Force, of that ever-present hum of energy inside her. What kind of power did the First Order have if they had this kind of tech?

Phasma said nothing to her, not even a warning or threat, as she pushed Rey into a plain gray cell with only a cold slab of ferrocrete for a bed. A thick metal door slid shut behind her with a gritty squeal that seemed far beneath the rest of the First Order’s comforts. Shackled, powerless, and alone, all Rey could do was sit on the cold stone slab and wonder at what had just happened.

  
  


**Kylo**

 

Rey sat up, blinking at him in confusion. The heavy cell door slid shut, locking him in with her. She looked terribly small and he immediately felt like the oafish brute he was.

Kylo took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I wish we could have met alone. Then I wouldn’t have had to…”

Rey said nothing.

“I brought some things for you.”

“No.”

Her one word halted his hands, which were outstretched to offer a heap of fresh, immaculate clothing. He would have smiled at her insolence if it hadn’t been so irritating. He looked her up and down, purposely letting his gaze linger on the stains and burn marks in her tunic.

“You can’t possibly want to stay in those clothes.”

She, in turn, looked him up and down, disdain for the cleanliness of his own clothing evident in her twisted features.

_A knight in shining armor is a knight untested._ Han had said that to him once on a rare visit home from training with Luke. He hadn’t been able to stand seeing his son in Jedi robes. Had he been jealous, disgusted, or just afraid? 

What Rey couldn’t possibly understand, however, was that every battle, every fight, left marks so deep in him that they made up his very core. But scar tissue was strong, and he would refuse to splinter again.

“I won’t wear anything bearing the symbol of the First Order.”

Kylo nodded once. He could respect that. He lifted the clothing and removed the belt, letting it fall to the floor. The metal emblem hit the stone with a tuneless ring. He held the clothes out to her again, and Rey reluctantly took them in her bound hands, studying them for a moment before looking back up at him.

“And just how am I supposed to put these on with my hands tied together?”

Kylo reached out and passed his left hand over the shackles. They bleeped a mournful sound before the lights went out and they unclasped, falling to the floor. Light filled the room, the kind only Kylo could see.

Rey rubbed at her wrists. “I’m not sure if that was stupid or just arrogant or both.”

“Not arrogant. Confident. Arrogance is false.”

“You think I can’t harm you.”

Kylo sniffed. “You can try.”

He felt a shift in her, a turn toward darkness, then the struggle to pull away. He knew that inner battle all too well.

He met her gaze steadily for a moment, then turned his back, giving her all the privacy he could afford to give her.

“Seriously? You’re not going to leave?”

“Not while you’re unshackled. Dress, scavenger.”

She growled and since she couldn’t see his face, he allowed himself a smile. He heard the rustling of garments as she removed them, and it took all the self-control he possessed to keep his back turned.

“What is this, anyway? Is this what all your slaves wear when they don’t have armor on?”

“I assume you mean our highly trained soldiers and no. They have armorweave bodysuits under their armor. Surely the traitor told you that. Your tunic is amorweave but the pants are not.”

He could almost feel her filing that away in her brain.

“And why would you give me armorweave?”

“I have to protect what’s important to me.”

The rustling stopped. Again, Kylo smiled.

“I’m important because you think I’ll lead you to the Resistance.”

“If that’s what you want to believe.”

There was more silence, then, after a long moment, the rustling resumed. Then she sighed. “I’m decent.”

He turned. She was dressed and standing awkwardly in front of the ferrocrete slab. She’d taken her hair down, and it fell past her shoulders softly. She wore simple black pants and a black tunic, with a crimson sash tied low on her hips.

He willed himself to remain stoic, though it might have been the biggest hardship he’d ever endured. Seeing her in his colors, the colors she would have worn if she’d chosen to stand by his side, made a ball of longing rise into his throat. He wanted to let a thousand words tumble out of his mouth. He wanted to…

Kylo Ren gathered himself.

He picked up the shackles and held them out, open and waiting for her wrists.

“Is it really necessary?”

He didn’t reply. She rolled her eyes and held out her hands. He snapped the shackles on with a wave of his hand and they bleeped to life. Almost immediately he felt bereft of the slight warmth that radiated within him whenever she was around.

“I have one more thing,” Kylo reached inside his cloak, removing a packet of spongy white mesh. “For your knees. Sit.”

“I can do it.”

“Sit,” he commanded again. “It’s the least I can do after dropping you.”

Reluctantly, she sat and pulled up the legs of her pants just past her knees. “It’s not that bad.”

Kylo knelt down in front of her and passed a hand over her knees, his eyes shut, searching under her skin. “Not that bad? You’re bruised down to the bone. I’m truly sorry, Rey.”

He opened one of the packets and removed the bacta patches within. Tentatively, he reached out to place one on her right knee and she caught his wrist between her shackled hands.

“Why are you doing this? Not just the bacta bandages. All of this. You could have easily pulled information out of me today. You’ve done it before.”

“Not here,” he whispered. “The walls have ears.”

“Then when?”

“Soon,” he promised. “And soon, you’re going to tell me why, exactly, you need my help.”

They stared at each other for a full minute, at a stalemate.

Then she let go of his hand, and he gingerly pressed the bacta bandage to her knee. He could sense the blood under it dispersing, the damaged tissue repairing itself. He smoothed it over her skin, fighting the urge to let his touch linger on the tanned, soft skin of her legs.

As he took out the other patch and brought it to her knee, he looked up at her, meeting the honey brown of her eyes. Warmth that had nothing to do with the Force spread through his chest and outward, until he felt it in his fingertips. He smoothed down this patch, and as he did, his fingers brushed bare skin along the underside of her knee.

Rey straightened, and he felt a shift in her underneath her skin, as well. A labored breath, a stuttered heartbeat, a slight reach for self-discipline to keep herself steady.

_Interesting,_ Kylo thought to himself, careful to keep that observation far from their bond, just in case the shackles didn’t stop it. He stood, using his considerable height like a threat.

“Rest. Tomorrow we go back to Takodana.”

She didn’t question him; she only looked relieved. As the door slid open for him, Kylo turned back to look at her before leaving. She was already stretched out on the slab, eyes closed.

“Goodnight, Rey.”

“Goodnight, Ben.”

The name was like a cold blade through his heart, and he was quite certain she’d known it would have precisely that effect. He turned from her and strode out, the heavy door closing behind him.

Blade through his heart or not, when he passed the guard station, he ordered the troopers stationed there to bring the temperature in her cell up and have a blanket brought in.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kylo plays host but then gets pissed off because there's just a lot going on, okay?

 

**Rey**

 

The sound of the cell door grinding open brought Rey out of fitful dreams. 

She blinked and sat up, wiping at her eyes. Her right hand pulled up her left and she remembered the cuffs. She swallowed harshly. Her throat was parched. Captain Phasma loomed in the doorway. 

Takodana. Right. With Kylo Ren. 

Rey stood before Captain Phasma could order her to, or force her. She didn’t even bother to ask where they were going. Phasma wouldn’t answer, or she might jab that damned riot baton into her spine again. It wasn’t worth it. Besides, there was only one place she could be going: to Kylo, wherever that was.

Where he was, as it turned out, was down a long, lonely hallway that required several security clearances to pass through, and into a room that she would have considered luxurious, had the decor not been so sparse. Though the floor was the same shiny substance throughout the ship, there were soft rugs in cream and a U-shaped couch in a deep gray, which made the large table in front of the couch and the other accents in the room seem sharper in their chrome and black durasteel. 

Kylo Ren’s imposing figure entered the room from one of the four doorways. 

Though Phasma kept the baton squarely between her vertebrae, the captain bowed her head in respect. “Supreme Leader, the girl, as you commanded.”

“Thank you, Captain. You may leave us now.”

The Captain snapped a salute and left. A door shut silkily somewhere behind her, a marked difference between this place and the prison cell. 

He took a step toward her. Rey noticed he wasn’t in his full uniform yet, if that’s what he called it. Just a simple black tunic and black pants and boots, much like her own outfit. 

“We have about an hour before General Hux will arrive for a briefing. Were you given anything to eat?” 

She shook her head.

Kylo Ren growled something that was possibly in another language. Rey didn’t understand the words, but she could deduce the meaning well enough. 

“I’m fine,” she insisted. She would have preferred to starve rather than take sustenance from the First Order, but her stomach gave a loud rumble in objection.  _ Traitorous body. _

For a second, a ghost of a smile touched Kylo’s lips. 

“I’ll have food sent. As it is, there’s another change of clothes in the ‘fresher for you. I’ll make sure food is waiting for you here when you get out.”

Rey ignored the first part of of what he said for just a moment. “And where is here, exactly?” 

Kylo glanced around the spacious room, then met Rey’s eyes. “These are my private quarters.”

“These? All these rooms?” She hadn’t even seen down any of the hallways to know this was bigger than any one person needed. Far bigger than her abandoned AT-AT on Jakku, and certainly bigger than even Leia’s quarters at the base. 

Kylo nodded. “The ‘fresher is that way.” He motioned toward the back right doorway. “You’ll find everything you need inside it. If you need any help, one of my attendant droids can assist--”

“I’m sorry, I’m in your private quarters and you’d like me to use your shower?”

“I’d prefer it. We’ll be spending quite a long time together in a small aircraft today.” Kylo’s mouth twitched. 

Rey felt her cheeks flame. “I see. And when are we going to discuss what happened yesterday?” 

In answer, Kylo lifted a hand and passed it over the restraints around Rey’s wrists. The Force-blocking shackles fell away, landing on the soft rug with a thud. She looked up into his eyes.

“My quarters in particular are highly secure, and I can sense you even thinking about the Force. Now isn’t the time to run. Or try to strike, Rey of Jakku.”

He meant it, Rey could tell, but she could have sworn his tone was almost… playful. 

Then, as if he was actually reading her mind, he answered the question she had on her lips. He leaned close, his breath tickling the shell of her ear.

“We need the bond when Hux is here. Listen to me. Follow my lead. Just like yesterday. I need you to do what I say.”

“You want me to take orders from you.”

Something shifted in Kylo’s eyes, a softness, or maybe sadness, darkening them. “If you’d said yes, I never would have given you any orders, Rey.”

Sadness. It was sadness. It washed over her like the tide, like an unstoppable wave coming off him directly to her. Was this how the bond was going to work when they were in the same room? Would she feel every damnable emotion he had now as if they were her own?

“Hux will be here soon,” he said to hurry her along, and she nodded, heading off in the direction of the ‘fresher. She wanted to look around, to snoop if she was honest, but went straight into the bathroom. Like the rest of the place, it was luxurious, if not a little sparse. Everything was made of sharp angles and sleek lines. There was a shower and also, she noted, a tub. 

A sudden desire to be surrounded by water, something she could never get enough of, hit her so hard she almost didn’t resist. But she couldn’t take a bubble bath with Kylo Ren in the next room. 

With regret, she stood under the waterfall-like shower and soaked up as much water as she could that way. There was a jar of soap that had her name on it, which made her smile. When she opened it, the smell was a faded but sweet memory. 

The soap was scented with nightblossoms from Jakku.

 

**Kylo**

 

Kylo turned when Rey entered the room, and he nearly spit out the caf he was drinking.

Rey fixed him with a glare. 

Kylo raised a gloved hand to his mouth and hid a laugh with a slight cough. “I see you met Too-vee. She’s my best attendant droid, but she hasn’t had to style a woman in nearly thirty years.” 

“You don’t say.”

Rey’s hair, instead of being in its usual three knots, was pulled back in the middle and braided from the front to the crown of her head, where it ended in a little tail. It was the only way Kylo wore his hair besides down, if he let the droids touch it at all, and usually only to keep it out of his face during exercise. Or battle. 

“You look great,” he tried. 

“I look like you.”

“As I said…” Kylo couldn’t stop a small chuckle at that. “Just be thankful I had Too-Vee’s memory wiped years ago, otherwise she’d have put your hair in giant buns. She once belonged to a princess of Alderaan.”

“Your mother?” 

Kylo felt the question like a punch in the gut and regretted mentioning it. “My mother.” Then he turned, gesturing to the spread the kitchen staff had delivered, displayed on a credenza-like table. “I wasn’t sure of your preferences, so I had them send up a little bit of everything.”

For a moment Rey stood there, looking at the food, unmoving. Kylo reached out, plucking at the red thread connecting them. What he felt gave him pause. She wasn’t unsure about the food, or trying to resist it. She was… grateful. Overwhelmed by it.

“Um,” Kylo began, in unfamiliar terrain. “Would you like some caf?” 

“Please.”

“Cream?”

Rey began to help herself to the food, still a little dazed as she loaded up her plate without restraint. “No. I prefer mine black.” 

“Me too.”

“You prefer black? I’m shocked.”

At that, he actually laughed, and so did she. She cocked her head at him before throwing a purple berry into her mouth. “You look like him when you smile. Han, I mean.”

The warmth that had been flowing through the room and between them instantly cooled, and he shut her out completely. 

“Never mention my father again.”

Rey didn’t apologize, but she did purse her lips together as if to keep them shut. She took her caf and plate and sat on the couch, back straight, uncomfortable again. 

_ Hux is coming. The restraints must go back on. _

Her brows knit together.  _ But I thought… _

Kylo sighed. He knew the girl was smart, but she was still woefully green when it came to deception. 

She set aside her plate as he held out the restraints, and allowed him to lock her in. Then he pressed a button on the side and the shackles bleeped to life, but only one light came on instead of ten. Kylo felt her press at their bond, testing it. 

_ And this needs to go,  _ he told her as her plate and cup flew with gentle ease across the room, and under a serving cover. 

“I wasn’t finished with that!” Rey protested.

“Rey…” He sighed again, this time with infinitely more pity. “Use your head. I need you to be faster if this has any prayer of working.”

Rey looked down, embarrassed. “You’re right. I wasn’t thinking.” 

“You can eat all you want when he’s gone,” Kylo promised. Then gave her the most patient look he could muster, which wasn’t very patient.  _ Let me do the talking. And address me as Supreme Leader if you speak at all. _

Her snarl made the butterflies in his stomach flutter. He turned from her and shrugged into his long surcoat. It was fastened by the time Hux marched into his quarters.

“Supreme Leader.”

“General.” 

Hux didn’t wait for an invitation and helped himself to caf and a plate of pastries. He sat across from Rey, his ever-present sneer there even while he chewed. “Well, desert rat, did a night in a cold cell make you any more willing to talk?”

“She is certain the answers we seek are in the texts on Takodana,” Kylo said before Rey could answer him.

“And you believe her?” Hux asked, still chewing. Kylo had the brief thought that the general’s father, Brendol, would have been appalled at his son’s manners. 

“I can find no lie in her words, or in her thoughts. She will lead me to the remaining Jedi, and then on to what’s left of the Resistance.” 

“Pardon me if I doubt you, Supreme Leader. The last time you promised you’d get information from the girl, our most prized weapon was destroyed in the process.” Hux sniffed. “Every second you waste with your mind games brings the Resistance closer to rebuilding, Ren. If she won’t be useful, then dispose of her.”

“No.”

Though he’d said it softly, his voice held so much strength and defiance that both Hux and Rey looked stunned. Hux wasn’t just stunned, however. He was angry. 

“I have warned you, Ren, about letting your personal interests get in the way of the First Order’s agenda.” 

“And I have warned you, General, that it is none of your concern. And you will address me as Supreme Leader. If you can’t remember that, I have ways of making sure you won’t forget.”

A moment passed in which Hux and Kylo were at a stalemate, and Rey looked between them and back again, unease bleeding through his bond with her like cold water.

“She can be of use to us,” Kylo said, finally. “After she leads me to the Resistance, I can train her. She is powerful. With proper training, she will be a great ally.”

Kylo felt Rey frantically pulling at their bond, like a caged animal.  _ What? I said nothing of becoming your ally. There is no way I would ever…. Murderer. Monster. Patricidal maniac… _

_ Quiet, scavenger,  _ he shot back,  _ let me think.  _

“And you believe you can make her an ally of the First Order?”

“I am sure of it.” Though there was no hesitation in his answer, it might have been the biggest lie he’d ever told.

_ All chances of that were gone the second you turned your back on me and my people.  _

Kylo jerked his head up and looked sharply at Rey. Is that what she thought? She was the one who’d tried to take his lightsaber and left him to die, after he’d asked her so nicely to join him. He’d said  _ please,  _ for Maker’s sake.

“We will leave in an hour for Takodana, after which we will be in pursuit of any Force-sensitives we can find. I’ll require my shuttle.”

Hux nodded curtly and stood. “Do not disappoint us,  _ Ren _ . The consequences would be dire, and the First Order is watching you with anticipation. As am I.”

The general saluted the Supreme Leader, then he was gone. 

 

**Rey**

 

The moment the door closed behind the general, Kylo had his lightsaber in his hand and it flickered to life with an eerie hiss. Kylo brought it up and, though it was aimed at his couch instead of her, Rey was frightened. Acting completely on instinct, she raised both of her arms up and caught his with the Force, holding them there.

“Don’t. The couch did nothing to you. Besides, Too-Vee has cleaned up enough messes today. My hair was a wreck.”

She didn’t get the chuckle out of him that she suddenly, and with great confusion, realized she’d been longing for. But she felt Kylo go still inside before his body relaxed, and she let him out of her Force grip. He lowered his arms and shut off his weapon. 

“I don’t understand,” she said quietly, still afraid of his anger.

“You’re going to have to be more specific, scavenger,” Kylo mumbled, as if he were bored. Out of the corner of her eye, Rey saw Too-Vee duck her metal head into the room to assess for damages and, relieved, ducked out again. 

“He threatened you. And I heard him do it yesterday as well. And you…” Rey shook her head as if that might help all these impossible things come together in some sort of explanation. “You’re afraid of him.”

Though Kylo still stood tall and proud, a slight bow of his head indicated a good deal of shame. “There are things here in the First Order you cannot possibly understand.”

“Then explain,” Rey said. “You’re the  _ Supreme Leader _ now. What could you possibly have to fear from the general?”

Kylo shut his eyes in disgust. “It’s precisely because he  _ is _ the general.”

Rey still didn’t understand.  _ But the General is a mere man,  _ she thought, _ and I’ve seen Kylo strike down the strongest Force-user in existence with a flick of his hand.  _

There was a power shift, and Rey felt herself drawn into a foreign place, like a dream. Emotions were as numerous as the stars here, largely anger and fear and bitterness, and she realized quickly that she wasn’t just sending Kylo Ren’s thoughts, she was inside them. She looked out over a vast sea of white and black. Stormtroopers stood in neat rectangles as far as the eye could see. All of them as precise and deadly as Captain Phasma. And all of them waiting for Hux’s command. 

Then, just as she was almost getting used to floating around inside Kylo Ren’s head, she was pushed back, a door closed. He’d shut her out completely.

Rey looked at Kylo, for the first time seeing him as just a small piece of a much larger puzzle.

“We need to prepare to leave. I’ve asked for your staff to be returned to you.”

“I want my lightsaber.”

Kylo’s upper lip curled. “You can forget about getting  _ my  _ lightsaber back.” Kylo studied her. “And I’d like to know how you got it in the first place.”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business,” Rey said, meeting his scrutiny with some of her own. “And I want it back. I fixed it.” 

“You also broke it.”

“I wouldn’t have had to if you’d have just let me have it.”

“Well, I would have let you have it if…” Kylo shook his head. “You can have your staff for now.” 

“And how am I supposed to protect myself?” Kylo stared at her, and Rey grew more agitated under his gaze. “What?”

“You still believe I’ll try to kill you.” 

“You shot at my ship!”

“This is war, Rey!”

“Still, you’ve never given me a reason to think you won’t murder me the first chance you get.” Even as she said it, she heard his voice clearly in her head, unsure if it was in the present through their bond, or an echo of a memory:  _ You’re not alone.  _

Kylo said nothing in return, but lifted a hand over her shackles and unclasped them. He caught them before they fell to the floor, and threw them on the couch. Then he walked toward another doorway, one Rey hadn’t seen him use yet.

“Where are you going?”

Kylo didn’t turn back. “Eat, scavenger. We have a long journey ahead of us.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I **think** I'll set a goal of a chapter or two a week. At this rate, the whole thing may be up in a few days. These characters are lovely and fun and they DO NOT SHUT UP.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She stared at his gloved hand, briefly remembering what it had been like to touch his bare skin. But when he’d asked her to rule with him, he’d worn the gloves. “I expected… something. I mean, look at this castle. It’s not like the First Order to be gentle. At the very least, I figured your stormtroopers would have dropped me or thrown me over their shoulder or something.”
> 
> Kylo’s hand fell slightly, though he was still waiting for her. “I didn’t let the stormtroopers touch you. They’re excellent soldiers and I trust them to be ruthless. I don’t, however, trust them to be gentle.”
> 
> Rey scrunched her forehead in confusion but took Kylo’s hand. He pulled her up with ease and their arms remained locked as she looked up at him, balancing on the high rock.
> 
> “So you…”
> 
> A smile tugged at one side of Kylo’s mouth. “I carried you.”

**Rey**

 

How he’d managed to assure Hux they needed only a bare bones crew, she would probably never find out. She wasn’t sure if a small crew worked in her favor. On one hand, he had help if he decided he’d had enough of her. On the other, it wasn’t like he needed help at all. She’d seen the man kill as easily and thoughtlessly as swatting a fly. And without another member of the First Order around for accountability, he could do as he pleased.

Flanked by only two stormtroopers, Rey and Kylo Ren strode into a busy hangar. Kylo made for a ship Rey instantly recognized: the command shuttle she’d seen circling Maz Kanata’s castle on Takodana. Minutes later, she’d been confronted by an imposing figure draped in black, drawing a saber that sang of death every time it hit the wind. Even now she could feel the panic that had taken hold of her the first time she’d laid eyes on Kylo Ren. The futileness of firing a blaster straight at him, again and again, and him swinging that accursed saber in the direction of every shot. Before she’d even fired. It had been a game to him, toying with her. And he had enjoyed her fear.

But as she looked up at the command shuttle, that fear again taking root, the Force pushed at her mind. Kylo pushed at her mind. Calm seeped into her, and her breathing steadied.

Kylo was looking at her, and he didn’t speak until her heartbeat had returned to normal.

“You’ve been on this ship before.”

Rey nodded. “The last time didn’t end well.”

“I would say it ended better for you than me.”

Rey turned to him sharply. “Easy for you to make jokes, I suppose.”

“Was it so bad?”

She hated the amusement in his tone. It was almost like he was toying with her. Again. “I somehow escaped better off than Poe.”

Kylo made a vaguely disgusted noise at the pilot’s name. “Maybe he put up more of a fight.”

She shook her head. “Somehow, I don’t think that’s it.”

She could have sworn color rose in Kylo Ren’s pale cheeks, but she had no time to analyze it. Soon they were walking up the ramp and taking their seats inside. To her surprise, the stormtroopers took the weapons bay seats, and the co-pilot seat was left for her.

Kylo was already at the controls, clearly familiar with this ship, and with flight. Flying, however, was _her_ area of expertise, and she wouldn’t be shown up. She sat in the co-pilot position, giving him only one glance filled with total confidence before starting to flick and push the patterns of takeoff she knew so well.

Kylo said nothing, but she could feel surprise tingeing their bond. Rey quelled a smile. He was impressed.

It wasn’t until they were off the ground, the hangar floor falling away from them and the doors to the stars opening, that it occured to Rey that she hadn’t seen Kylo wear his mask since… _When was the last time she’d seen him in a mask?_

“Since shortly after Starkiller,” Kylo said.

“Stop doing that. And why?”

Kylo paid intense attention to the screens in front of him. “Of all the things you could ask me, that is what you want to know first?”

Rey began to prepare the ship for hyperspace. “No. But it’s the only question I can ask that I might feel comfortable with the answer.”

“Very well. The person hiding inside that mask is dead.”

“Let the past die. Kill it if you have to,” she breathed. “And who was in the mask? I thought it was Kylo Ren.”

“I don’t think it was. Not fully, anyway.”

“Ben?”

Then, as if one mind, they hit the pattern of buttons that sent them sailing into streaks of stars. Rey smiled. She didn’t think the beauty of hyperspace would ever wear off.

He didn’t answer right away, but instead glanced behind them toward the weapons bay.

 _I’m not sure how much they can hear,_ Kylo pushed to her through their bond. He sat back in his chair, a picture of easy confidence and grace. Things that surely his mother had instilled in him since the day she’d brought him into this world. He looked, then, every bit the prince he was. But other than the regal air and effortless control, there were no signs of Leia in him. His face, his mouth, even his ears… they were all Han Solo.

Kylo turned to her, eyes searching hers in question.

No… No. He had Leia’s eyes.

_Ben is always there. I haven’t been able to get rid of him. Nothing seems to be enough._

Rey didn’t have to ask what hadn’t been enough. For a moment she pictured Han in her mind’s eye, his purposely casual offer to be his co-pilot. Then Chewie’s devastating moan pierced through the memory.

Rey blinked furiously to prevent tears from falling. Next to her, Kylo sat up straighter. A few moments passed in which Rey finally allowed herself to settle into the silence between them, trying to keep her mind blank and emotionless. The silence was woefully short.

“What aren’t you telling me?” Kylo asked, reversing any calm Rey had been able to build.

“Obviously there’s a lot I can’t tell you. What I said to you and your sniveling general is all I can say.”

“No,” Kylo said. “It’s not about this mission. It’s something else. I can feel it there, but it’s hidden.”

“Stay out of my mind.”

“Trust me, I’d love to. But your thoughts are so loud I can barely hear my own.” He spoke again, but this time through the bond. _If you’d have let me teach you when I offered on Starkiller, you’d be able to control yourself more._

Rey clenched her teeth. _You’re a fine one to speak of control._

 _For kriff’s sake,_ Kylo said. _I didn’t mean it as an insult. You just haven’t had enough training. This is still very new to you. I was born to this._

 _You were also born to the kindest people I’ve ever met,_ Rey fired back. _Obviously, birth means nothing._

There was a long pause, in which she could feel Kylo’s pain skitter across her senses, and she almost, unfathomably, apologized. But then she heard him, his voice weaker in her head than it had been before.

_Han and Leia were very kind to those who do not scare them._

Some more pieces of the giant, unknowable puzzle that was Kylo Ren clicked into place. Rey, momentarily, closed her eyes, letting his pain wash over her.

_And they were scared of you?_

_Yes._

And then it was there, a whisper, as if he were speaking to himself, or a thought he hadn’t meant to send into their bond:

_I scared myself._

Rey opened her eyes. With those words, half-heard, something had shifted in the Force. Its colors had faded from intense and bold to shadowy clouds, and had somehow slowed, if that were possible. The Force moved thickly.

Darkly.

Rey had felt this before, intensely, but only once. She’d felt it right before Kylo Ren had stabbed his own father through the heart. The Force moved this darkly when death was near, when someone was going to kill.

She willed her heart to stay steady as they came out of hyperspace and Takodana floated into view.

Was this it? The end? Had she really been stupid enough to trust that he wouldn’t harm her? Sure, they’d formed some kind of tentative… _something_ when they’d talked through the bond, but it all went pear-shaped the minute she said she wouldn’t rule with him. He’d turned away from the light completely or, at the very least, he was determined to.

The shuttle touched down near the shore, its expansive wings folding up elegantly and smoothly. It was, Rey vaguely noted, the nicest ship she’d ever been on. Perhaps she could take it, fly it alone, if she managed to get away in time.

“Supreme Leader,” one of the stormtroopers said from behind them. “We will do a quick walk of the surrounding area and assess for security.”

Kylo lifted a hand. “That won’t be necessary. I don’t sense anyone in the area. I will accompany you out.”

The darkness around them turned a bitter black. Kylo turned sharply her way, his eyes reflecting her terrified expression back to her. Then, in a move that from anyone else would have been affectionate, seductive even, he stroked a gloved finger slowly down the side of her face.

Rey fell instantly and irrevocably still. He had her in a Force grip so tight that even catching her breath felt impossible. He stared at her for a moment, and Rey thought she felt something like an apology tease her mind before he stood, boots thundering out the metal ramp of the ship.

Frozen, Rey could only listen helplessly as Kylo Ren’s wretched lightsaber burst to life and dealt two frighteningly accurate, deadly blows. There was a clash of trooper armor hitting the ground and at the same time, Rey regained the use of her body. She rushed out the door.

Kylo stood, still poised from his last strike, his lightsaber flickering and crackling. Then he straightened and retracted the saber and turned to her. His shoulders gave an easy roll.

Rey stared down at the bodies of the stormtroopers. Each was solidly cut in two pieces.

“Why?” she said, voice breaking over the word.

“Why do you ask me questions when you already know the answers? You must learn to use your head.”

Rey shook her head, though she did know the answer. They couldn’t have very well hidden the fact that she wasn’t going to reveal more about her mission. And this confirmed that Kylo hadn’t been lying in his intentions. But still. She could only think of Finn.

“They were living, breathing, human beings!”

“Bred for this, to sacrifice for the First Order.”

“But not to die at their own leader’s hands!”

“Rey. They were not Finn.”

Rey clinched. “Of course not. But they could have been. People are not expendable, or are you so twisted up in the dark side that you feel nothing anymore for taking a life?”

At that, she felt something between them loosen, and it was only then that she realized he’d been keeping her out of his mind, blocking her from his thoughts and feelings. Once the wall was gone, she tumbled in head first, and it was like falling into a pit. Darkness surrounded her, but it wasn’t the kind of darkness made of anger and hatred, it was the kind of darkness that borders on blue, like an endless night. This kind of darkness was made of heartbreak and mourning and loss. It was emptiness and depression and broken promises. Then just as quickly as she’d fallen in, he pushed her back out.

Rey staggered back, bracing herself on the ramp supports of the ship. She put a hand to her head, pushing where a headache was raging full force. She winced up at her companion.

“Then why?” she demanded. “Why do it?”

“Because the end, I hope, will justify the means.”

Tentatively, Rey reached out to him with her mind and found that even though he’d pushed her out, he hadn’t locked her out. There was anger there, too, buried under the pain. But it was not directed at her.

“And now, scavenger, we talk.”

Confused and overwhelmed with myriad emotions, Rey barely noticed that Kylo was already walking on, toward the labyrinth of broken stone walls that had once been Maz’s castle.

Rey scrambled to catch up with him as the beach gave way to thick vegetation. Beyond that, the ruins rose up in jagged and jumbled stone. The statue of Maz laid on its side, broken in perfect thirds. She looked almost like she was resting. Though Rey had been here only yesterday, she was still shocked at the damage done to this place, and she knew it wasn’t all First Order. The Resistance had a part in toppling the castle, if only because they were fighting back. Of course, she hadn’t seen the extent of the damage until yesterday. She’d only known that first time on the island that she had to get away, and then Kylo had appeared in the forest and taken her…

_How?_

“Force sleep,” Kylo answered her. “I put you to sleep.”

Rey didn’t rebuke him again for listening in on her thoughts. “I know that, but… I still don’t understand why I was uninjured.”

Kylo climbed up on a large fallen stone, cut to be part of a corner of the pyramid-like structure. He held out a hand for her to help her up. “And you expected to be bloodied and bruised?”

She stared at his gloved hand, briefly remembering what it had been like to touch his bare skin. But when he’d asked her to rule with him, he’d worn the gloves. “I expected… something. I mean, look at this castle. It’s not like the First Order to be gentle. At the very least, I figured your stormtroopers would have dropped me or thrown me over their shoulder or something.”

Kylo’s hand fell slightly, though he was still waiting for her. “I didn’t let the stormtroopers touch you. They’re excellent soldiers and I trust them to be ruthless. I don’t, however, trust them to be gentle.”

Rey scrunched her forehead in confusion but took Kylo’s hand. He pulled her up with ease and their arms remained locked as she looked up at him, balancing on the high rock.

“So you…”

A smile tugged at one side of Kylo’s mouth. “I carried you.”

Rey opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

Kylo turned toward the husk of the castle, giving her a moment to process this new information while he studied the ruins. “How did you get inside?”

Rey swallowed down the thick ball that had risen in her throat and nodded toward the left. “I was able to move some of the stones there and squeeze through to what would have been the cantina.” Kylo glanced at her arms, and Rey rolled her eyes. “With the Force, but I am strong, you know?”

“I don’t doubt it.”

“I bested _you_ on Starkiller.”

“Bested? I’d taken a bowcaster hit to my side.”

“Excuses.”

Kylo blew out a breath. “Or perhaps I wasn’t putting up much of a fight. Have you considered that? Now, how far did you make it before you were captured?”

Rey jerked a shoulder. “Just inside. I didn’t make it into the lower levels.”

“That’s where the texts are?”

Rey nodded, and Kylo looked down and all around them, getting the lay of the land and, Rey could tell, plotting each step.

“Cantina, you say? Wonder if there’s anything left inside to eat. It would be far better than First Order rations.” Kylo glanced back at the shuttle but, Rey noticed, he kept his line of sight far above the fallen troopers. He turned back to her. “Lead the way, padawan.”

Rey growled in the most threatening way she could, but all she felt from him through the bond was laughter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I believed in Ben Solo. He failed me.”  
> “He failed a lot of people,” Kylo said.  
> “Perhaps. Perhaps a lot of people failed him.”

**Kylo**

 

“I had to move those stones, there…” Rey pointed to boulders larger than two grown wookiees—far larger than what he’d envisioned—and beyond it, a tiny crack in the ruins. “I can get in. I’m not sure you’ll fit.” 

“You moved those.” Kylo was unable to keep the tone of surprise out of his voice and he could feel, rather than see, Rey clench her jaw. 

“Need me to move another?” she asked in a way that felt distinctly like a challenge. 

Kylo ignored the question and raised an arm, feeling the tingle of the Force radiate outward from it. The largest stone, the one blocking the rest of the small space they needed to squeeze through, groaned and separated from the ground. It rose up, hovered impressively, and then Kylo pushed it aside with both hands. It landed and rolled a good ten paces away from where it had been. Kylo relaxed his arms, unfazed. 

“I think I’ve got it,” he said flatly. The look she gave him would have made a whole unit of stormtroopers say, “Nope” and turn around, mission aborted. 

She blew a stray lock of hair out of her eyes and started toward the opening he’d just made in the ruins. 

“Wait,” Kylo said, taking hold of her shoulder and halting her. She shrugged him off but stopped. “Let me go first.”

“Oh, for the love of...” 

“I’m the only one with a lightsaber.”

“Well I know a way to fix that problem.” 

Stars, the girl was maddening. 

She did let him go first however, without any more sass, and he ignited his saber. It hissed to life, casting a deep red glow into the dark tunnel of ruins. Saber raised, senses extended, Kylo stepped in, Rey close enough behind him that he could feel her body heat against his back. 

They seemed to have come in through what was once a window, and they jumped down to the hard stone floor. Kylo shut his eyes and listened, and there was no sign of life anywhere near. He kept the lightsaber on only to give them light. 

The place was clearly a cantina, and it hadn’t been a bad one, from what Kylo could remember. He pushed those thoughts away, and swept a gaze over the whole place. Though most of the roof was caved in, the bar remained relatively intact, bottles of booze also still standing as if ready for a party, and the chairs and couches that hadn’t been crushed or covered with debris still looked almost inviting. 

“If I remember correctly…” Rey’s thought drifted off as she, too, drifted away, heading down a few steps and into a yawning hallway with minimal light. Kylo jogged to catch up, pushing ahead of her, and standing in front of her. 

“Seriously. I’m the one with the weapon.”

“Oh, right. Protecting what’s important to you,” Rey said with a bite that stung deep. Her face fell. “Sorry.”

She’d sensed his pain. _ Damn Snoke and his bond and everything else.  _

“Well, on that we’re in total agreement.” Kylo looked up in surprise, and she was smiling at him wryly. “So much for me being the only one with loud thoughts.”

Kylo let that pass. “So, the texts…”

“They were down in a cellar or something like that. A lower level. The doorway wasn’t very noticeable. I only found it because…”

“Because…?”

Rey shook her head, and a strong feeling of sadness crept into Kylo’s mind. “I don’t know. It’s weird, but I thought I heard a voice. A scream, actually. That’s why I decided to go down the stairs and that’s where I found all the old things.” 

Kylo had tried to resist invading her mind, but it was no use, now. He needed to see what she’d seen. He pushed in, without finesse, and heard a scream. A child’s scream. Then he saw the stone stairs, the opening to a room, artifacts: old books, jewelry, a small chest…

“This is where you got my lightsaber.” 

“Mine.  _ Mine _ .” Rey crossed her arms. “Maz gave it to me. She said it was meant for me.” 

“You’re lying.” 

“You  _ have  _ to stop that.” 

Kylo nodded once. “I know. I’m sorry. And I wasn’t actually reading your thoughts then. It’s only that your feelings are so strong. But I won’t pry again. Or, I’ll try not to.”

Rey dropped her head and blew out a breath. “I guess that’s all I can expect from you. And you’re right. Maz told me it was calling for me. She tried to give it to me but I refused it, so she gave it to Finn.”

“FN-2187,” Kylo corrected reflexively. “And it called to you?”

“That’s how Maz put it. And when I touched it…”

“You had a vision.” 

Rey nodded. 

Kylo leaned up against a column, pressing an index finger hard into his right temple. His grandfather’s lightsaber (and also his uncle’s) had called to her; she had a love for his father (and love from him in return) that he could barely comprehend, and she was the Resistance’s darling, General Organa’s biggest hope.  _ His _ mother. His mother must have loved her, the daughter she’d never had, a sweet but strong and determined girl who radiated light.

His exact opposite. 

“You’re angry. What is it?”

Rey’s voice brought Kylo out of his jealous sulking and he shook his head. “Nothing. Any idea where that cellar was?”

Rey looked as though she wasn’t ready to change the subject but, to Kylo’s relief, she let it drop. “I don’t know. Everything looks so different now. So destroyed. I was barely inside yesterday before I felt Phasma land.” 

“And you surrendered,” he finished for her, and Rey nodded. “Because she would bring you back to me. And you knew I’d help.”

“I didn’t know for sure. I was hoping.” Kylo kept his eyes trained on hers, and she shrugged. “Maybe I did know. I can’t tell. It’s all so confusing. You you shot at my ship!”

Kylo shut his eyes, seething momentarily. “I  _ hate  _ that karking ship.” Kylo took a steadying breath; in through the nose, out through the mouth. 

“And that’s why? It was your father’s, so you felt just fine about taking me out with it?” The Force vibrated darkly around them. Kylo tried to think of something to say, anything, that would explain or excuse or justify, but he couldn’t. He’d known she was on the Falcon. He’d wanted to watch it burst into flames and plummet into Crait in a deep gash of beautiful, bloody red. He’d wanted her to feel every shred of pain, the kind of raw, tormented agony he’d felt when she’d reached for his lightsaber instead of his hand. 

But those things were better unsaid. Even he could recognize that. He cleared his throat and made his face a fortress against emotion. “We’re in a war, Rey. An alliance was offered, and the offer was not accepted. So we are enemies now, are we not? But again, you’ve come to me for help. There must be… something here, between us, that you believe in.”

“I believed in Ben Solo. He failed me.”

“He failed a lot of people,” Kylo said.

“Perhaps. Perhaps a lot of people failed him.”

Something stirred within Kylo, then, something he didn’t recognize. He pushed it away with a sigh. “Let’s find the cellar. Then maybe you can tell me what exactly we’re looking for.” 

 

**Rey**

 

“Isn’t there something we can do to produce light? Can’t we just ask the Force for it or something?” she asked him as they made their way through (and over) fallen stones. His lightsaber, wretched thing that it was, was the only light they had, and it cast an eerie glow over everything. They were underground, that was true, but it seemed the planet’s cycle was even shorter than they’d bargained for. Almost no natural light was coming inside anymore.

Kylo turned back to look at her as he dodged a broken column. He was smirking. “Like a magic spell? Interested in becoming a witch, Rey? I’m sure the Nightsisters would love to have you.” 

That raised a lot of questions, but Rey shoved them under the rug of her mind. “I know we don’t use spells. Luke did teach me a thing or two, you know.” Also, the texts from the tree, but it wasn’t time to mention those yet. “Just...nothing about light.” 

Kylo looked thoughtful for a moment, all the while turning to help her over another large stone. It was slow going, and Rey wondered without a small sense of curiosity why it was so easy to accept his help. To take his hand. 

“See any wood? Anything flammable?” 

Rey searched around her in the dim, red light, then pointed. “There? It looks like a fallen beam.” 

Kylo nodded and made his way to the wood. It was roughly carved into a cylindrical shape, and looked as ancient as everything else in this castle. Kylo wordlessly brought his lightsaber down once, twice, three times, and came away with two branch-like pieces. He thumbed off his saber and the corridor went completely dark. 

“What…” Rey closed her mouth and listened, blind. She heard Kylo’s surefooted steps, his soft inhale. Moreover, she  _ felt _ him move, felt the uncertainty and hesitation in him as he drew near to her, the struggle to restrain himself as he moved behind her. Rey swallowed. 

“Hold out your hands.” She obeyed, barely breathing, as if he’d commanded her with the Force. The cold, splintered feel of the wood spread across her palms. “Hold onto it.”

Rey took the piece of wood in her hands. Then Kylo’s now bare hands here on hers, large enough to cover hers completely, and warm and soft. Softer than she’d remembered or imagined, even in her most detailed daydreams of finishing that moment in the hut on Ahch-To. 

Then he drew her in, against him, and Rey inhaled sharply. Just like their hands, she fit inside his frame like a blaster in a holster, her head just touching the underside of his chin, his broad shoulders and arms like a cloak around her and just as warm. 

“We can’t just ask for light. Not like you’re thinking. But if we make fire…” 

“You know how?”

She felt the sorrowful hum deep in his chest. “My uncle taught me. When I was a child.”

He shifted and more of him was suddenly against more of her. Rey drew in a breath through her nose. Kylo Ren filled her senses. Leather, musk, something vaguely metallic, vaguely smoky, and yet crisp as rainwater. 

She swallowed thickly. “How do we make fire?” 

“It’s called pyrokinesis. We have to direct the Force into the wood. It’s dry and flammable so we won’t have to worry about anything but creating the flames.” His hands flexed over hers. “Basically, think heat. Pull the energy around us into the wood, and make it hot enough to catch.”

Rey didn’t quite understand, though she knew all about directing the Force. The old Jedi texts spoke about it frequently. She closed her eyes. Kylo’s chest pressed against hers as he drew in a breath and she leaned into him, unconsciously using his body to steady her own. She thought about the fires Luke had made for them on Ahch-To, the raging sun on Jakku, the blaze of Starkiller as it imploded. 

Heat surged through her hands; her own, but also Kylo’s, moving through both of them and into the wood. It only took a moment, then the wood was alight, like a proper torch. The corridor was illuminated. 

Kylo let her go, then took the torch. He handed her the unlit piece of wood.

“Think you can do it by yourself?” She looked at him, half amused, half irritated. He shrugged. “Until you tell me exactly what you want to learn, I’m going to assume it’s my duty to teach you everything.” 

She felt her mouth blossom into a full-blown smile. “I am  _ not  _ calling you Master Ren.”

“Master Kylo.”

“What?”

“Ren’s actually a title. Like how the Sith take the title of Darth.”

Rey watched the way the flames reflected in Kylo’s eyes. “So… you’re not Sith.”

Kylo gave a short shake of his head. “Not Sith.” 

“But you know about Sith ways, right?” 

“As much as I do about the Jedi ways, if not more.”

Rey nodded slowly. “Ren is not Sith. Got it. But what about Darth Vader? Don’t you want to be like him? Wasn’t that the whole goal with the mask and all the black and the… completely terrifying chokeholds?” 

Kylo pursed his lips but he couldn’t block the laughter in his eyes. “Highly effective ways of inciting fear in your enemies. And if it’s not broke…” 

Rey sighed, shaking her head. 

“With the Knights of Ren,” Kylo continued, sober now, “our goal is to move beyond pure Sith teachings. Seeing the world in absolutes is dangerous, no matter what side of the absolutes you’re on.” 

Rey remembered his speech to her in the throne room of the Supremacy, Snoke’s body cut in half, praetorian guards littered around them, life slowly seeping out of all of them. It was, if she recalled correctly, his opinion that the time of the Jedi and Sith, both, were over. She supposed that meant it was time for Kylo and the Knights to rule. 

But his particular brand of “balance” seemed like more of the same.

Kylo was studying her and she forced a slight smile. “Right. Pyrokinesis. I’ll try.” 

“Do or do not, there is no try.” She squinted at him, and he shrugged. “I don’t know. My uncle said it all the time.”

She held the wood between her palms and focused on moving the Force through her hands, into the fibers. She thought of heat: not Jakku or fire this time. Instead, she thought about the press of Kylo’s chest into her back, his intense eyes never leaving hers as they finished off the praetorian guards, the feel of his hard thigh under her hands as she pushed off of him, fighting back to back, in tandem. 

The wood ignited easily. 

Pleased with herself, she looked to Kylo. He was clearly pleased, too. 

“I suppose a girl from Jakku understands heat well,” he said. Then he added, “Good work, padawan.”

Rey groaned. “You’d better be the best teacher in the history of the galaxy if I’m going to put up with this.” 

“I plan on being insufferable.”

“Your plan is working,  _ Master Kylo. _ ”

“Has such a nice ring to it.”

Rey rolled her eyes and walked on, but she was grinning all the same.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “She killed our esteemed leader, Ren. If you can’t turn her to the First Order, she must be put to death. Publicly.”
> 
> “I can’t work miracles overnight, Hux. This will take time.”
> 
> “Interesting. Snoke gave me the impression that the Force could do anything. Old magic. Sorcery. Nonsense.”
> 
> “You never think it’s nonsense when you’re begging for your life.”

 

**Kylo**

 

It was slow going, and most of the time they weren’t moving forward at all, just digging through rock and debris. But then Rey stilled completely, and when he turned to question her, she nodded to their right.

Though it was nearly concealed by all the destruction, Kylo could make out a small, arched doorway.

“You’re sure?”

“Positive. I… I heard the screaming again.”

Kylo didn’t bother warning her or trying to stop himself. He sent his mind into hers and sifted through her racing thoughts until he found it: the scream. He played it in his own mind three or four times.

“Is it you?” he asked. “When you were a child?”

“Perhaps. Maybe when my parents left me with Plutt.” She turned to him, sardonic. “You know, the filthy junk traders.”

“Rey…”

“But no, I’m not sure it’s my voice I’m hearing. There was more to that vision. A lot more.”

He reached out a hand for her and, thinking better of it, let it drop back to his side. “Will you tell me?”

“I don’t know what there is to tell. It was all just flashes. An island, one I’d seen before in my dreams…”

“Ahch-To?”

“Yes. And Luke, his mechanized hand on R2-D2. My parents’ ship flying away for the last time, if it was their ship at all. Fire, destruction. Maybe Luke’s school? The temple?”

Kylo winced inwardly and hoped she hadn’t noticed.

“Then… you. I saw you. And I guess, when I saw you in the forest, here on Takodana, even if it didn’t register exactly, I knew to fear you. I knew already, because of that vision, what you were capable of.”

Kylo didn’t want to know, but he _had_ to know. “What was I doing, in the vision?”

Rey closed her eyes, head shaking sharply. “You and the Knights… I don’t know where you were but it was pouring down rain. Everything was soaked. And you… I think you saw me there. Maybe I was actually there with you, somehow. And there were bodies scattered all around. Dead. I’m not sure if it was the future or the past.”

Kylo looked away from her, staring into the fire of his torch for a long moment. How many times had he lived through that exact scene? He and his Knights, destruction all around them, bodies at their feet, in their wake. How many Jedi lost? How many lives, and for what? To be a demigod in the minds of the galaxy, the most powerful leader of the First Order? The very organization that would rip him limb for limb at Hux’s command? And they _will_ , soon. It was only a matter of time before Hux or someone found out that Snoke hadn’t died of Rey’s hand, but his.

“Kylo?”

He looked at her, shook himself loose from his thoughts. “Could have been the past, I suppose. I… I doubt it was the future.”

Rey stared at what they could see of the doorway. “There was something else. Not even a vision, really. More like an impression.”

Kylo waited with all the patience he could muster, but she didn’t reveal the impression, only asked another question.

“How long had he been inside your mind?”

The question chilled him. Kylo traced his tongue along his bottom lip. “Perhaps since I was a baby. I only started recognizing his thoughts inside my head as his, not mine, when I heard his voice for real, when he started… coming to me.”

“Coming to you?”

Kylo bent his head. “In dreams. Daydreams. Visions. I’m not sure what to call them. Like how our bond worked when we were planets apart, only somehow hazier. Not as defined.”

Rey put a hand on his arm, on the sleeve of his tunic. He wished desperately, pathetically, that it had been on his skin. “Then how do you know for sure where you end and he begins?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never truly known, even when I was sure I did.”

“Then how can you be sure that it’s you, Kylo, or even Ben, who is shaping your destiny?”

“Now that he’s dead, it’s only me in my head, Rey. Me. Ben, sometimes. You, sometimes. Sometimes…” he stopped himself before he spoke his parents’ names. “So now I know my own thoughts. My own...desires.”

“But how do you even know what you desire?” she asked, genuinely curious. “When someone has been such a part of you, invading your very mind... how do you distinguish his desires from your own?”

Kylo’s patience drained out of him in a rush. “I don’t know. Okay? I don’t. I don’t know what to think or what to… what to do.” He blew out a breath. “I didn’t think about the future without Snoke, what that would mean to my own future, if you want the truth. I didn’t consider the next steps, what would happen when that lightsaber ignited and killed my master. My _guide_ . I didn’t consider how lost I’d be. I only knew that when I killed him, he couldn’t hurt me anymore. He couldn’t hurt _you_ anymore.”

Kylo dragged his gaze reluctantly to hers, humiliated by all his admissions. But she was looking at him kindly. There was pity there too, but it wasn’t as awful as he’d imagined. It felt, at least for the moment, welcoming.

“Then we’ll find your path.”

“And these texts… will they guide me? Guide you? You said there would be an even exchange for my help.”

“I believe so.” Rey leaned her torch against the wall opposite the doorway. “I think if we move the top layer of fallen stone, it should be enough for us to squeeze through. Assuming the whole stairway hasn’t collapsed in on itself.”

She raised her arms and, with a power that was incredibly unrefined but mighty, started to lift the top stone of the pile.

Kylo set aside his torch, closer to the doorway to give them ample light. His nerves were frayed at the ends, his desire to lash out too keen, but he remembered his training both from Masters Snoke and Skywalker, and channeled his emotion into good use, and began moving the stones with her.

  


**Rey**

 

“Rey.” Kylo’s voice didn’t register as she channeled the Force and lifted yet another broken stone. There were far more stones blocking them than they’d bargained for.

“Rey.” This time he meant it; the Force in it was like a physical jerk.

She turned to him, breathing hard. “What?”

“We have to stop.”

“Why?” she challenged. “Exhausted?”

“Yes,” he answered levelly. “And so are you.”

It was an observation, not an judgment. She looked at him. He was sweating. He’d peeled off two layers of over- and surcoat a while ago, and his plain black undertunic was soaked. Rey wiped sweat from her own brow.

“We’re so close,” she said by way of protest.

“I know. I can feel it. There something inside here that’s…”

“Calling,” she finished for him.

He nodded. “But if we don’t rest, we might actually hurt ourselves. And we haven’t eaten since this morning.”

Food. Right. She’d been with the Resistance for weeks now, but still wasn’t used to being able to eat whenever she wanted. Kylo, she supposed, wasn’t used to going without.

“You said something about food in the cantina?”

Kylo perked up. “I did indeed. Surely there’s still something to eat around here. Would you be willing to search? I should… I should contact Hux.”

The reluctance and animosity in that statement was as clear in his voice as it was coming off from him in waves from the Force.

“Sure. Have the woman see to the cooking.” She tried to make it playful, but in her exhausted state it came out with a bite.

“You are more than welcome to talk to General Hux, if you’d rather.”

Rey flinched. “I’m sorry. I meant to joke. But I’m too tired for humor.”

Kylo gave her a look that was more Ben than Supreme Leader. “Let’s eat, then rest. We can get back to this first thing tomorrow.”

They parted ways when they were back in the cantina, Kylo climbing out through the window and Rey turning to the bar. It didn’t take her long to find something to eat. Maz wasn’t one to let her customers go hungry. Dried fruits, meats, unleavened bread, even canisters of potable water that hadn’t been opened. Rey downed one completely before opening another, and grabbing one for Kylo.

After wrestling with herself, she decided to actually set the table, like they did in the mess hall at the base when it was a special occasion. Force only knew why. But when she was done, she had two plates, some utensils, the water, and the food she’d found spread around in bowls in what she thought was vaguely like the meals she’d shared with Finn and Rose, and Poe as of late. Until Leia had issued her orders.

Sighing, she grabbed a water canister and slipped out through the window, winding her way through rocks, vegetation, and the remains of X-wings and TIEs to Kylo’s shuttle. The ramp was down, so she let herself in. She pulled up straight and ducked behind a seat when she heard the tone of Hux’s voice.

“She killed our esteemed leader, Ren. If you can’t turn her to the First Order, she must be put to death. Publicly.”

“I can’t work miracles overnight, Hux. This will take time.”

“Interesting. Snoke gave me the impression that the Force could do anything. Old magic. Sorcery. Nonsense.”

“You never think it’s nonsense when you’re begging for your life.”

There was a pause.

“Where is she now?”

“Gathering food.”

“Of course, you would let a treasonous junk rat out of your line of sight.”

Rey could hear Kylo sigh heavily. “I can sense exactly where she is. And you can hardly call it treason, Armitage. Rey was never on our side. Your soldier, FN-2187, however…”

“Enough. Your defense of that girl is sickening. You have one more day on Takodana before I pull the order.”

“You don’t have the authority.”

“And _you_ don’t have soldiers. Enjoy this time with your obsession. It is going to end quickly.”

With that, the buzz of the comm was silenced, and Kylo turned to Rey.

“It’s all making more sense. And I suppose I shouldn’t have expected anything different out of you,” she said to him. “I guess it didn’t occur to me that killing Snoke made you guilty of treason. Isn’t that what Sith do? Kill their masters and take their places?”

“But…”

Rey nodded. “But you’re not Sith. So blaming me means you get to keep your position. And likely your head.”

“I am rather attached to my head. But I’m sorry. This means there’s a large price on yours.”

Rey knew she should be angry, but it was, she supposed, just one more item to add to the list of things that should shock her but were now just a part of this strange--and somehow thrilling--way of life. And he was right: this was war.

She met Kylo’s eyes. “I knew coming to you was a risk, regardless.”

“And you came anyway,” he said, squinting at her like she was a puzzle. “Though you still can’t name the reason why.”

His gaze held hers and she felt something within her loosen. After a moment, she held out her hand to him. “Come on. I’ve found food.”

He slipped his hand into hers, warm and rough where the hilt of his lightsaber had rubbed his skin hard. There, finally... his bare skin against hers again. That loosened part of her settled into warmth. Why was her need for his skin as important as water?

They walked back to the cantina in silence.

 

**Kylo**

 

Kylo shut his eyes and sighed contentedly, stomach full. “I didn’t realize how hungry I was. And it was _real_ food. Not the vitamin mush the First Order usually serves.” He opened his eyes and looked at Rey. Her plate was still half full. “Do you usually eat like a flit-wren, or is it just a leftover habit from Jakku?”

Rey blinked at him. “I’m sorry?”

Kylo gentled his tone and, hopefully, his face. “You’ve barely eaten. I’m not sure how you survive.”

Rey picked up a piece of dried fruit and studied it, then gave him a half smile. “I suppose I’m used to rationing myself. Meals depended on what I could find and salvage, which was largely luck. Then of course it further depended on how generous Unkar felt like being.”

Rey’s voice held a note of sadness, and Kylo probed at her mind, careful not to disturb. He saw the thick-nosed crolute in question and fought a wave of revulsion. But along with that there was the injustice of Unkar’s constantly changing exchange rates, his meager portions of food, his disgusting insinuations that Rey could do another kind of work for him so that she wouldn’t have to be hungry…

Kylo forced himself out of Rey’s mind. There were things he shouldn’t know.

“I never took him up on it.”

Kylo was glad he’d already eaten, or he would have choked on his food. “What?”

“Thanks for leaving before you found the answer, but there it is. Dignity was all I had. I wasn’t about to give that up because of some hunger pains.”

Kylo looked into her eyes, seeing fire there in the hazel. Fire, pride, and resilience. She was a knight in her own way. A warrior. And he was humbled.

“I promised you I wouldn’t pry and I did, I’m sorry.”

She shrugged. “Next time just ask.”

“But you felt me that time.”

“It’s… almost like a tickle? Kind of like how it felt to have Two-Vee brush my hair, only somehow not physical. Then, something changes and I’m not quite in possession of my own thoughts. Not unpleasant, just… unfamiliar.”

Kylo leaned against the bar, hand cradling his chin. “When you pressed into my mind on Starkiller, when I was interrogating you, it wasn’t like a tickle at all. More like a tear. Definitely unpleasant.”

Rey frowned. “I’m sorry.”

“Rey, we were at war. We _are_ at war. Stop apologizing for doing what you have to do.”

“I’ll try.” She cocked her head. “Why is it that sometimes I can hear exactly what you’re thinking, but other times it’s like I’m only sensing your feelings?”

“I’ve been thinking about that…” Kylo said. “I think the answer is far more simple that what we’d expect. I think you can hear my thoughts when I want you to.”

Rey’s brow furrowed. “But… you’ve heard me ask about things, like your mask, when I didn’t want you to.”

“Maybe you really did.” When her expression changed to indignance, Kylo held up a hand as if to surrender. “Just a theory. I’ll continue to think about it, but not now. There’s something else I have to attend to before we sleep.”

“What’s that?”

Kylo rose, taking his plate and putting it into a dishwashing droid that may or may not have been operational. Then he studied the remaining bottles of booze in Maz’s stock, somehow unscathed. He found what he’d been hoping to find: a bottle of dark amber Corellian brandy, aged eighteen years. He grabbed it and a tumbler and held them both out to Rey in question.

“Drink? You have to drink before you sleep? Maker, you _are_ Han’s son.”

Though he’d told her never to mention his father again, he let it slide and met the comment with a wry expression. “It seems you got to know him well in the few days you had with him. My father never met a bottle of booze he didn’t like.”

Rey picked at some bread, smiling. She gestured to a now collapsed part of the cantina. “Right over there, I watched him down no fewer than three drinks as we talked to Maz. Of course Chewie kept an eye on him, otherwise I’m not sure the Falcon could have flown in a straight line.”

“Sounds about right. And no, this isn’t what I have to do. I haven’t had a drink in… years, honestly. But it can’t hurt. Not tonight.” He gestured again at the bottle, and Rey gave him a shy smile.

“I’ve never had it before.”

“It’s from my father’s home planet,” Kylo said as he poured Rey and himself two fingers. “Strong stuff, but after the day we’ve had, I’d say we both deserve it.”

They clinked glasses and Rey, he noticed, imitated him, taking far too big of a sip for a first-timer. She coughed and grabbed at her nose.

“Force, that burns!”

Kylo grinned. “You get used to it.”

“I got used to the way Unkar smelled, doesn’t mean I went out of my way to sniff him.”

Kylo chuckled, downing the rest of his glass and enjoying the burn that Rey found so awful. But then, he enjoyed a lot that he had no doubt she found appalling.

He nodded toward a fireplace on the second level of the cantina. “It would probably be safer to sleep in the shuttle, but it would be much more comfortable inside here.”

“I’m not sure anything could get passed the two of us, especially with the bond,” Rey said, looking at the fireplace longingly herself.

There wasn’t any arrogance in her words, just easy confidence, and Kylo wondered briefly if she was right before deciding he didn’t care enough to believe anything different.

“I’ll go attend to the shuttle. Perhaps....” he hesitated. He wanted to offer her saber to her. It would be best if they both had protection, even if they were in the same room, but he still wasn’t sure she wouldn’t threaten him with it, even if he was almost sure she wouldn’t kill him.

“Give it back. I promise I’ll behave myself. At least until we find those texts. I need you until then.” Kylo looked up. Rey’s triumphant smile gave away how proud she was of herself. “I heard those thoughts loud and clear, so you must have meant me to. But you’re right: it makes more sense for us both to have weapons.”

Kylo nodded. “I’ll bring your…no, _my saber that’s on loan to you_... back when I’m done. Can you build a fire? Even in the jungle, nights can get cold.”

“Pyrokinesis,” Rey said, like a student reciting spelling words. “Yes. I can do that.”

“Be alert. Please, Rey. The shuttle’s not that far away, but…”

“I’ll be okay, Ben. Go.”

He drew in a deep breath, savoring the easy way she’d spoken his given name. He nodded once to her, and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, I sort of love these two? Obvious thought is obvious, or I wouldn't be writing this... 
> 
> Trying to update regularly and I promise I will. Maybe some day I'll settle into an actual schedule??


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maz drew her hand back and struck Kylo with an open palm, the sound reverberating around the cantina.
> 
> “I deserved that.”
> 
> “That was only for hurting my favorite Wookie.” Maz pinned him again with a bug-eyed glare. “You deserve a lot more than that.”
> 
> “I know, Maz. I know.” Kylo and Maz exchanged a look that Rey couldn’t read, but something must have passed between them because Kylo nodded. “The reckoning is indeed coming. But my debts can’t be covered.”

 

**Rey**

 

The fire was ablaze and had already burned halfway through the logs she’d put in the fireplace when she decided it might be a good idea to check on Ben.

Kylo. Whatever. 

Although, he was more Ben tonight, wasn’t he? Regardless, he’d been gone a while, and of course the Supreme Leader could defend himself, but it was a long time to be outside alone in the jungle. And considering how lightheaded the brandy had made her feel, perhaps it had the same effect on him. 

She secured her lightsaber--and dammit, it  _ was  _ hers--to her belt and climbed out the opening they’d made. She stood still, stunned, when she caught sight of him. He had built a pyre, removed the stormtroopers’ armor, and laid their bodies side by side as if sleeping. The fire burned so hot it flickered blue at the tips. His head was bowed, as if praying, sending them back into the universe with whatever kind of rites the First Order, or perhaps just Kylo himself, believed fitting.

The task he’d had to complete before he could rest, the task he’d felt he’d felt compelled to do, was give the stormtroopers a funeral. 

 

***

 

Rey wasn’t sure if she heard a noise or felt something first, or if it was her at all and not Kylo’s thoughts bleeding into hers, but regardless, she leapt to her feet from the chaise where she’d been dozing and ignited her saber.

Kylo was already up, in defensive stance, his saber hissing and crackling. 

Soft footsteps echoed within their comfortable little part of the cantina, then a snicker, and a diminutive figure stepped out of the shadows and into the firelight. 

“Put that thing away, child. I changed your diapers. You can’t scare me.”

Rey watched Kylo’s shoulders relax, and he breathed out, “Maz…”

The small humanoid, who somehow occupied far more space than she ought to have, peered around Kylo’s rather large figure and narrowed her eyes at Rey. “Well. I suppose after a thousand years, nothing should surprise me anymore, but here we are.”

“Maz!” Rey flipped off her lightsaber and ran to Maz, who embraced her enthusiastically. Then she drew back, looking Rey over as if inspecting a droid for purchase.

“How are you, child? Unharmed, I hope?”

Kylo took a step toward them, his face slack with disbelief in the firelight. “You really think I’d harm her?” The look Maz gave Kylo could have withered a rathtar. Kylo shrugged, conceding the point, and Maz went to him, drawing herself up to her full height, still only about half of Kylo’s. 

“Ben Solo, you look me in the eye.”

Kylo cast a glance toward Rey before bending slightly to look at the ancient pirate. Maz drew her hand back and struck Kylo with an open palm, the sound reverberating around the cantina. 

“I deserved that.”

“That was only for hurting my favorite Wookie.” Maz pinned him again with a bug-eyed glare. “You deserve a lot more than that.”

“I know, Maz. I know.” Kylo and Maz exchanged a look that Rey couldn’t read, but something must have passed between them because Kylo nodded. “The reckoning is indeed coming. But my debts can’t be covered.” 

Maz kept her gaze on him, but, Rey noticed, her gaze had softened. “No. They can’t be.” She turned again to Rey. “I should have seen this, though. Perhaps I did, I just didn’t realize… The Force has been rather murky lately. I think, perhaps, also a result of you, Ben. And you, dear girl.”

“Snoke said darkness rises, and light to meet it,” Rey said. Kylo’s mouth twitched. “Are we… Ben and I… are we somehow distorting the Force?” 

Maz turned to her, and they studied each other’s faces in the dim firelight. “Maybe, like magnets with so much in between them. But I don’t think because of the power you each possess but…”

“The bond,” Kylo said softly. 

Rey didn’t quite understand, not in a way she could put into words, but she could  _ feel  _ it. They were being pulled together, she and Kylo, and it was pulling everything together too. The murkiness was not coming from separation of the dark and light but rather, the fusing. 

Maz made a noise that was somewhere between a grunt and a scream. “And you, Ben Solo… you broke your mother’s heart. And mine.”

“I never meant to hurt you, Maz.”

“And your mother?” Maz asked accusingly. 

Kylo swallowed, Adam’s apple rising and falling in slow motion. “Maybe she finally understood how I felt, in the end.”

“Petulance. You always were so short sighted, Ben. And so quick to cry persecution. She loved you. We all did. She just had so many other responsibilities. She was trying to save the galaxy, child.” 

“Maz, you don’t have to explain my mother’s responsibilities to me. I’m quite clear where I stood.”

The pain seeping into Rey through the bond was so sharp, she instinctively reached for Ben. When her hand found his, he turned to her with surprise, and Rey felt the tide of emotion ebb in him. 

Maz’s magnified eyes swooped down to where their hands were joined, and she leaned back on a chaise, fingers coming to her temples to massage them. “Murky indeed.”

After a moment, in which she appeared to be meditating, Maz looked at Ben again. “You didn’t accomplish what you set out to do.”

“No. Of course not. I didn’t see that before...before I went through with it. I should have.” 

“But you understand why he wanted you to do it?” Maz asked, and Kylo nodded in response.

Rey gritted her teeth. “Will someone kindly explain what in the galaxy you’re talking about?”

Kylo turned to her, patient. “You asked me once, in the first few days of our bond, why I hated my father.”

“And you said you didn’t.”

Kylo nodded once. “Snoke… he told me if I truly wanted to be strong, I had to destroy anything that was holding me back.”

“Kill it if you have to.”

“Yes. But killing Han Solo, killing my father, didn’t make me stronger. It split me in two. And Snoke secured his power over me.”

Rey shook her head. “How? Because you obeyed him? It was a show of loyalty?”

“No. Because my father was the one person whose approval I wanted more than Snoke’s. Snoke… Snoke had me eliminate the only threat to  _ him _ .” Kylo dropped into a chaise and ran a hand through his hair. Exhaustion coated his every move. “I’m a fool. A murdering fool. And there’s no way to go back.”

“There’s always a way back, child, no matter how far you’ve gone and how deeply you’ve lost your way.”

Kylo shook his head. “Not for me. The people I need forgiveness from are gone, Maz. Luke. My mother. And I doubt they’d use their energy to appear to me now.”

“Wait… Kylo…” Rey touched his arm. “Your mother isn’t gone.”

Kylo raised his head, his eyes bright with confusion. “I saw the  _ Raddus _ bridge blow up. She couldn’t have survived that. I felt… I felt her light in the Force go out.”

Maz’s mouth turned up in a pitying smile. “And you cut off your connection to her after that, I would assume.”

Kylo looked away. “I could feel her so strongly the moments before… she just wanted me to come back to her. To come home. Then when the others took the shot and I couldn’t stop it… I couldn’t stand the silence where her voice had been.”

“She’s alive,” Rey said. “She used the Force to get back to the ship. Kylo, she’s alive. And I think she still wants you to come home.” 

  
  


**Kylo**

 

He had no idea how long he’d been sitting on that particular piece of the fallen castle, but Takodona’s night sky was darker than he’d ever seen a night get on any planet. Various avian sounds filled the forest behind him, and the gentle lull of the water along the shoreline was like a soothing song. 

He heard footsteps approaching, and from the gait he could tell it was Maz. Rey’s were far lighter. Far more graceful.

“The girl told me you favored Corellian brandy. That, I saw coming a parsec away.” 

Maz held out a bottle to him, but not without taking a long pull from it herself first. Kylo snickered, took the offered bottle, and drank deep. The old pirate shuffled up to sit next to him on the rock. 

“She’s alive,” he said after a long moment.

Maz nodded and took the bottle back. “Alive and well. And if our dear girl is correct, she wants you home.” 

“No.”

“I don’t think Rey would lie to you. I don’t know her well, but she’s earnest to a fault, Ben. And she’d clearly love nothing more than to see you turn back to the light.”

Kylo took the bottle out of Maz’s hands and swigged. “I expected anger. When I was heading for the  _ Raddus  _ in my TIE and I caught her Force signature… I expected anger. Hate.”

“But she still loved you.”

“And worse. She wanted me back. She still  _ loved  _ me. She was disappointed, heartbroken, of course. But she still loved me.”

“Then go.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Of course it’s not. But that doesn’t mean it won’t work. She wants you home and she loves you, and that’s a start.”

“No, Maz, she doesn’t. Maybe she did, but not anymore.” 

“Ben…” 

Kylo’s boots hit the ground and the bottle in his hands sloshed out onto the sandy jungle floor. “Stop. I don’t have any choice but to keep going and hope that Hux and the First Order might make my death quick, although I don’t expect any mercy from them, either. I don’t deserve any.”

“Ben…”

“Stop calling me that!” 

At that, the air around them constricted and pulsed outward, like ripples on the surface of water. Kylo squeezed his eyes shut and Maz crawled down to the ground, gently taking the bottle out of his hand.

“Probably not a good idea to have any more. Lowered inhibitions and eager anger in a powerful Force user… Not the best combination.” She tucked the bottle under her arm. “I’ll call you what you want to be called, child, and I certainly won’t argue with you about what you think you deserve. But you felt it yourself and Rey is telling you now. So why can’t you believe it?”

Kylo leaned back against the stones, fatigued and mostly drunk. “Know how you guessed that I’d blocked her out?” Maz nodded. “She’s not blocked anymore, but she’s not out there.” 

“Of course she is. I’m not even reaching out and I can feel…” Maz stopped herself, realizing. “That doesn’t mean…”

“Yes it does. She’s blocked  _ me _ . There might have been a time that she would have taken me back, helped me, maybe even forgiven me. But not anymore.” Kylo looked up at the moonless sky. “Maybe during my next shouting match with Hux I’ll tell him I was the one who killed Snoke and he’ll order the stormtroopers to fire on me before thinking it through. Or maybe I could go by myself to the Resistance, once Rey finds them, and let them shoot me down from the sky. Maybe Rey would do it herself if I asked nicely. Or just said the wrong thing at the wrong time.”

Maz made a growling sound.

“What?”

“Only a coward when it comes to taking your own life, huh?” Maz sighed heavily. “Ben Solo, do you not know how strong you are? You’ve struck down everything in your life that hurt you, and now you want to give up.”

“What are you talking about, Maz? I’ve never won at anything. Any victory I may have had came at too high a price and was tempered with loss. And what have I gained?” 

Maz was quiet then, then she handed him back the bottle of brandy. “Your losses have been great, yes. Perhaps equal to what you’ve taken from others. But you haven’t lost it all. There’s a girl in there who believes you can be redeemed.”

“And you, Maz?”

She gazed at him thoughtfully with her magnified eyes. “I suppose redemption and forgiveness are two different things. But neither are impossible.” 

For a small slip of time, they passed the brandy back and forth in silence. Even the birds seemed to grow quieter. 

Then Maz spoke, her creaky voice filling the night. “She said Snoke told you that darkness rises, and light to meet it.”

Kylo nodded. “He thought it was going to be my uncle, but it was Rey.”

“And Rey, where did she come from? Who are her parents?”

“No one of any importance. She never knew them.”

“And yet here she is, equal to you.” Maz waved away Kylo’s indignant frown. “She may not have your training and education, but don’t doubt it: she is your equal. And haven’t you wondered why?”

“Like Snoke said… Light. Dark. Balance.”

“Yes, but why  _ her _ ?” Maz asked, gesturing toward the castle, where Rey was sleeping. “A nobody, but there are millions of nobodies in the galaxy. So why her? Why is she the one who’s equal to you?”

Kylo grew frustrated. He very seldom didn’t know the answer to a question, and this felt like a test that he hadn’t know about and hadn’t prepared for. “I don’t know, Maz. I don’t know. What does a nobody from Jakku have to do with me, or any of this?”

Maz gave him a long look, not bothering to hide her disappointment in him. “I think you’d better figure that out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maz might be my favorite character to write. Naturally. I mean Kylo, sure. But Maz. MAZ.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I’ve never been good, Rey, even when I tried. All I could do was destroy and break and cause chaos. And disappoint.”
> 
> He looked at her, and her eyes were full again. She blinked and took a long moment before saying, “Han, Leia, Luke even… they never told me any of that. Your father went to you on Starkiller thinking there was a chance that you would turn away from Snoke and come back to him.”
> 
> “And I put my saber through his chest,” Kylo said, emotionless. The statement echoed around the cellar hall for a long moment. He brought his eyes back up to Rey’s. “If you want my help, if you want me to walk in that room and learn things that nobody ought to know, then I think we both need all the facts. You need to seriously consider who I am. Not who you think I am, Rey, but who I truly am, and I need to know what you’re trying to do.”

**Rey**

 

“I think we’re almost in,” Rey said. She plopped down on a fallen stone, one of the many she’d moved since breakfast. “There was a lot more damage than I was expecting.” 

“Yes, well… it’s not like war stops just because I’m particularly fond of a castle, though why they don’t have a respect for ancient architecture is beyond me,” Maz said, stopping to rest as well, even though she hadn’t done much but critique Rey’s work. “Seems as though the information they were after was not as useful as the First Order was hoping, in the end. Serves them right.” Maz sniffed, then added gently, knowingly, “But I was so sorry to hear about Luke.”

Rey stilled. “I feel a bit lost without him. A lot lost, really. I didn’t have time to learn from him like I was hoping.”

“I’m not sure my old books will be able to help much with your training.”

Rey shook her head. “I’m not looking to train from them, Maz. I’m looking for answers.”

“About the Sith?”

“About…” Rey hesitated. She trusted the pirate queen, but she didn’t want to give away anything about her hunch yet. “About balance.”

Maz made a sound of understanding. “I see. Well, I’m not sure the boy up there knows anything about balance.”

“I think he knows far more than he lets on,” Rey said. “He told me that it was time for the Jedi to end. The Sith. All of it. Luke said the same.”

Maz shook her head, a sad smile on her thin lips. “They couldn’t get along because they were too much the same, Ben and Luke. I always thought that was the problem with Han and Leia, too. No wonder Ben is who he is. Whole generations of stubborn, temperamental fools who hate being wrong. On both sides.”

Rey chuckled. “Yeah, but… is it true? What they said about the Jedi ending?”

“I don’t know, child,” Maz said. “But I can tell you this… I’m a millennia old, and the Force has never felt like this before.”

Before Rey could ask her what she meant, a deep groan echoed down the staircase at them, followed shortly after by a very disheveled Kylo Ren. He stood at the top of the stairs and pulled at his hair, which was going in every direction but the right one, and rubbed his eyes. 

“You let me sleep.”

“You needed it,” Rey said. “You were tired.”

“You were drunk,” Maz corrected. 

“I think I still am,” Kylo said. “Maker. My head is splitting open.”

“We should be so lucky,” Maz muttered.

“What?”

Maz plastered an innocent look on her face and yelled up the stairs. “There’s caf and breakfast in the cantina. Help yourself, then come work.”

“Ugh, don’t shout.”

Maz winked at Rey, then turned back to Kylo. “And there’s a jar of red powder under the bar. Mix a scoop with some water. It’s my best hangover cure. Helped your father more times than I can count.”

Kylo left with a pathetic whine and Rey and Maz locked eyes, sharing a small chuckle before starting in on the stones again.

 

***

 

“So the difference in form is more about your purpose in the fight than how you actually fight?” 

“Correct. Dueling is different than say, warding off a blaster,” Kylo said. “When we’re done here, I can show you the basics. Luke always said I was sloppy but I do remember the correct postures for each.”

Rey kicked some smaller rocks aside and glanced at Kylo, who was lifting one of the last stones (hopefully) in their path. “You’re happy when you’re like this.”

“Hungover and sweating?”

“Teaching,” Rey said. “You like knowing things.”

“I do. But mostly I like knowing more than other people.”

“You like sharing what you know, too.” Rey shrugged. “Alright, it’s mostly about knowing more than others.”

“You should have seen his book collection when he was a child,” Maz said. She was busy watching them work while snacking on a bowl of nuts and drinking a deep burgundy wine. “He had books in ten languages. Taught himself to read all of them, too. And write. Didn’t you have that fancy calligraphy set specifically to practice penmanship?”

“You had a calligraphy set?”

The tops of Kylo’s generous ears turned red. “I’d appreciate it if you’d stop reminiscing about my childhood, Maz.”

Rey was laughing silently behind her hand. “Calligraphy. Really. I sincerely hope Hux never finds out about that.”

“Definitely a fate worse than death.”

While Kylo was contemplating the horrors of Hux getting ahold of that bit of info, Rey scrunched her brows together, studying the remaining rocks in their path.

“Hey, I think… yeah. I think I can get through.” As Kylo set down one last stone, Rey climbed up to the hole they’d made in the blockage. “Yes. I can. All right. I’m going.”

“Rey, wait. Let me go with you.”

“Oh, for the love of… Kylo, I am not defenseless. I have my lightsaber now. And I’m sure there’s nothing down there!” 

“I’m not saying you’re defenseless. I’m just saying…” Kylo’s shoulders drooped. “Just let me come with you, okay?”

Rey managed to stop herself from rolling her eyes, but only just. She looked to Maz, who only offered a sympathetic shrug in support. Kylo removed another large stone with a little more effort than usual, and they were in. 

“Well, unless you need me, dears....” Maz said, standing, “This is where I leave you. There are matters I have to see to off planet. I’ll return tomorrow, the day after at the latest. Just do me a favor and don’t destroy any more of my castle, will you? It’s very important ancient architecture.”

“You won’t help us with the texts?”

Maz gave Rey a pitying look. “I could help you with translations, perhaps. But I can’t help you with those answers you’re trying to find.”

Rey nodded to Maz once, and the pirate queen rose, making her way up the stairs and out her ancient home. Then, Rey turned a falsely bright smile to Kylo, and swept her hand toward the opening they’d made.

“You first, Master Ren. Protect what’s important to you.”

 

**Kylo**

Down below, in the deep belly of the old castle, it was dark as night even though the sun outside was straight up in the sky. Rey was behind him, her hand at the base of his spine, guiding him gently toward where she thought they needed to go, but even without that he could have guessed. Voices seemed to be drifting from a doorway, words indistinguishable but the feeling of dread, of utter  _ wrongness _ , was plain. There was darkness here, but darkness he understood. Darkness he knew, like an old friend. But this darkness was ill-fitting and strange. 

“Rey.” Kylo knew fear well also, but this wasn’t just fear: it was horrible, horrible temptation. They were a few paces from the door, and he would go no further. “What is this? You said texts.”

“There are texts here.” Her voice sounded strong but Kylo caught the waver in her resolve. “They’re ancient. They’ve been hidden for years, and Force only knows what they contain. And...they’re Sith.”

“Sith? Why would Maz have ancient Sith texts?” 

“She’s a collector. A pirate. She trades for artifacts.”

Kylo tried to shake the voices pouring from the room, but found they only grew stronger. “Yes, but why would Maz want them?”

Rey’s soft eyes met his. “She’d have to answer that herself but, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that if they’re in Maz’s hands, they’re not in someone else’s. Someone who might not have a strictly scholarly interest.”

“Someone like me?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.” Kylo winced as the voices crescendoed. “You hear that too, right?” 

Rey cocked her head at him. “Hear what?”

Kylo closed his eyes, blocking everything out but those voices. Those voices and Rey’s presence in the Force, and he pushed the sounds out toward her, over the cord binding them together.

Rey gasped and stepped back, away from him and the door. She stared at him, stunned and hurt. 

“You heard them?”

“Yes, and I feel how they’re calling to you.” Rey shook her head, tears filling her eyes. “This was a bad idea. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. I never should have--”

“Why did you bring me here? You said you needed a teacher. For what? To learn Sith ways? I told you I’m not Sith.”

“No, you aren’t, but that doesn’t stop you from wanting those books now, does it? From feeling drawn to the secrets and power they hold? You need them now. Desperately. I feel it.” Kylo didn’t defend himself. He wasn’t about to lie to her. They didn’t lie to each other, or so he’d thought. Rey started back toward the stairs. “I’m sorry. I guess I thought… “

“You thought what?” he asked, voice rising. “That I was good enough somewhere deep inside that I could help you learn from Sith texts and never use any of that power myself?” 

“I made a mistake.”

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint!” Kylo bellowed at her. “Though it’s your fault, for assuming I’m someone I’m not.”

“But you could be!” 

“But I’m not, Rey,” Kylo said, his voice now barely more than a whisper. “I’m not. As I’m sure Luke, and my mother, and probably my father even, have told you. I never was. When I was a child I would break things around the house. I’d get angry and turn over chairs and tables with the Force just by thinking of it. I’d split vases in two or pulverize heirlooms from my mother’s royal heritage to dust… Once I got angry with my father when he was trying to teach me how to fly and somehow managed to short out major electrical components of the Falcon. I’ve never been good, Rey, even when I tried. All I could do was destroy and break and cause chaos. And disappoint.” 

He looked at her, and her eyes were full again. She blinked and took a long moment before saying, “Han, Leia, Luke even… they never told me any of that. Your father went to you on Starkiller thinking there was a chance that you would turn away from Snoke and come back to him.”

“And I put my saber through his chest,” Kylo said, emotionless. The statement echoed around the cellar hall for a long moment. He brought his eyes back up to Rey’s. “If you want my help, if you want me to walk in that room and learn things that nobody ought to know, then I think we both need all the facts. You need to seriously consider who I am. Not who you  _ think _ I am, Rey, but who I truly am, and I need to know what you’re trying to do.” 

“I know who you are.”

“Kriffing hell, woman, I just told you--”

“ _ I know who you are. _ ” Rey’s hazel eyes had taken on the fire of Jakku’s blazing desert sun, the Force ran deeply through her words, and even if he doubted what she said, he wouldn’t have dared to say so. “And I’m here because I want to bring balance to the Force.”

“And you think learning both the Sith and Jedi ways will help you do that.”

“No,” Rey said, sending a jolt of surprise through Kylo. The corners of her mouth lifted slightly. “I think you were right.”

“I usually am. I swear we keep having the same conversation over and over. If you’d just listen the first time…” Kylo half smiled too, relieved that some of the tension was ebbing. “But enlighten me. What am I right about this particular time?”

“It’s time to let the past die. It’s time for the Jedi to end.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Not everything can be fixed, Rey. Some things are beyond repair.”

**Rey**

 

“Say that again.”

“The ‘you were right’ part?”

His lips flickered with a smile. “The Jedi coming to an end part. Why…. how do you think that?”

“I think that because Luke believed that. He told me so on Ahch-To.” Rey looked away as anger flashed in Kylo’s eyes. “And you said it. I’m not sure you meant it in the same way, but you two were the most knowledgeable Force users I knew.”

“Were?”

Rey swallowed. She’d reached at least one point where she couldn’t keep certain information hidden anymore. “Before I left Ahch-To, I took the ancient Jedi texts out of the tree there. And I’ve read them.”

“Wait… _what_?”

Rey nodded, vaguely noting the surprise in his voice. “Reading materials on Jakku were few and far between and usually limited to mechanical manuals. So I taught myself to read them, in whatever language they were in. I wanted to know things… and I had lots of time on Jakku.”

“Yes, but Rey, I’ve seen these texts. Ancient is an understatement. The language doesn’t have even a slight similarity to Basic.”

Rey jerked a shoulder. “In some ways that made it easier. And See-Threepio helped.”

“Still an insufferable know-it-all, is he?”

“The worst.” Rey smiled. “So does that mean you’ve read them?”

“No. Luke was secretive about them,” Kylo said. “And now I’m beginning to understand why I _was_ one of the most knowledgeable Force users you knew.”

Rey said nothing, but looked into Kylo’s eyes for a long moment. Then, finally, she spoke. “The voices?”

Kylo stiffened. “Yes. Still. Ever had someone dangle your deepest desires in front of you?”

“Yes, actually,” she said levelly. “Let’s step away. For now. Take a break. Clear our heads.”

He shook his head. “I need answers, Rey. I need to know how you think we can bring balance, and why the Jedi should end.”

Rey glanced down through the rubble, to where the texts lay in wait. Then she turned back to Kylo. “This might take some time to explain. Let’s step away.”

“You don’t want me tempted. Somewhere, despite your protests, you know I’ll fail.”

“No, Ben, I just want you to stop believing you will. Let’s go outside, get some fresh air. Please.”

She held out her hand to him, palm up, the reverse of their stance so many weeks ago.

He took her hand without hesitation.

 

**Kylo**

“Wait. This way. There was half an X-wing over here. Poe could use some parts.”

Kylo shook his head at her, amused, as she trudged through the overgrown jungle toward the wreckage of one of the Resistance’s old ships.

“Looks like it should have been grounded for scrap long before this battle.”

“Yeah, well, we all can’t get new shiny TIEs every time we blow one up,” Rey said, giving him a pointed look. “Besides, they work just fine if you keep up maintenance on them. Speaking of, Too-vee’s paneling looks pretty beat up. I could replace it for you. Shouldn’t be hard, if I can find some older parts. She’s almost an antique.”

“Would that… change her?”

“Yes. I mean, I could update her protocols, if you want.”

“No. I… she’s fine. Just leave her.” Rey looked at him curiously, and Kylo avoided her gaze, studying the wrecked X-wing intently.

He wasn’t going to explain something to Rey that he couldn’t explain himself, that Too-vee was the only thing left of his childhood, the only link left to his mother…to Leia. He had nothing else of hers. He’d abandoned all of Ben Solo’s belongings that night when he’d burned the Jedi school to the ground. He could only assume his old things had burned along with it. Too-vee, however, was in the shuttle Snoke had sent to take him and the rest of the Knights away. He’d never asked how she’d gotten there. Perhaps it was the only true kindness Snoke had ever shown him.

Rey yanked a small, metal piece away from the exterior of the X-wing, a part that almost looked like a human heart. She held it up, grinning. “Poe is going to love me for this.”

Poe Dameron. That was a name Kylo didn’t care to hear ever again. How he’d enjoyed making him scream during that interrogation. Poe had been such a brat as a child, a bully, taking Kylo’s toy droids when he thought their parents weren’t looking. And right from the get go, a gifted pilot. Too hot headed and brash in the cockpit to really be a team player, though. _And cocky as hell._

“He is that,” Rey said, still grinning.

“And you like him.”

Rey shrugged. “He’s hard not to like.”

“My father would agree with that assessment.” Rey’s brows came together and Kylo waved her away. She shrugged and hopped down inside the cockpit of the X-wing, what she could get to, and began ripping out wires to free other parts. He leaned against the twisted metal, looking down at her. “You don’t ever stop scavenging, do you?”

She barely acknowledged him, so set was she on her task. “It’s wasteful not to. I hate the idea of leaving these parts behind. They’ll work again, even if they’re a little banged up right now. It won’t take much to fix them, just some cleaning, maybe some hammering back into shape. Equal and opposite force on the dents. Maybe polish if they’re dull. But they’re still good, even if they’re a little broken. It just takes time and patience.”

Kylo’s chest constricted. “Not everything can be fixed, Rey. Some things are beyond repair.”

She dragged her gaze to his. “Time. And patience.”

Before Kylo could respond, the none too subtle but distant ringing of a comm unit halted his thoughts. _Hux_ , he thought, and Rey wondered the same through the bond.

“That can’t be good,” Kylo muttered. “Snoke once told me he kept Hux around because he was useful. A sharp tool, he said. I’ve yet to see any real use for him. I suppose I’d better get to the shuttle.”

Kylo left Rey to digging for useless parts, and made his way into the shuttle. The comm was blinking at him impatiently. Why did even the tech seem irritating when it was Hux on the other end? Not wanting to prolong the agony, Kylo flipped it on.

“Supreme Leader.”

“General. To what do I owe this interruption?”

Hux didn’t bother hiding his eye roll. “You’ll be surprised to know, Ren, that some of us in the First Order are still working to destroy our enemies, not running off to tropical locales with them.”

Patience wasn’t just wearing thin, it was microscopic. “And?”

“And we’ve located what little remains of the Resistance.” Kylo’s stomach dropped. “Our intel is solid. We’ll wait until tomorrow to prep our pilots, but by tomorrow evening, the Resistance will be nothing but dust.”

Kylo let a few seconds tick by, just enough until Hux’s smug expression drooped ever so slightly, then said, “Good work, General. I’ll leave at once. We should reach the _Supremacy_ by morning.”

“Supreme Leader, it’s not necessary for you to return. Just a few simple rounds of cannon fire, really. I’m sure you have far more pressing things to attend to on Takodana.” Even Hux's voice was sneering.

The blood in Kylo’s veins felt like liquid fire. The audacity. To mock him, to treat this like an every day planet raid, to suggest he should _stay…_

He would not let this insolent man live one minute longer than necessary. Hell, he may not even be necessary any more, if the plans were already laid out.

Kylo let his rage turn him to cold stone, and he smiled, his lips curling in hatred.

“Nonsense, Armitage. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’ll expect a briefing in the morning when I arrive, and if a trooper so much as fires a single shot without my permission, I’ll remove your heart from your body and let you watch it beat it’s last beat in my hands.”

The last thing Kylo saw of Armitage Hux was a frightened, eyes bulging expression as he flipped off the comm. He’d won the battle but not the war, not yet. Like a game of dejarik, he needed to think ten moves ahead, and he only had about five moves planned. The rest… the rest depended on so many things he couldn’t control, so many missing pieces of the board that he couldn’t see.

With that thought, he exited his shuttle and went to the scavenger. She was outside of the X-wing now, bent over an exhaust vent that was twisted at a nearly impossible angle, looking as if she might actually pry the damned thing off and take it, too. She’d found a bag somewhere, and it was nearly full of X-wing parts.

“We need to leave.”

She drew up, blowing stray hair out of her eyes. Too-vee’s handiwork was completely undone. “What? Why?”

“I’m needed. I need to return home.”

“But… we’re not done here. What…” Rey looked up at him, eyes narrowed. “What’s happened?”

“Get your things.”

“Kylo.”

“We don’t have time, Rey.”

She bit her lip and didn’t budge from the spot. “As I was leaving Ahch-To to come to you, it was storming. I was barely even used to rain, let alone a storm. The wind was terrifying, the rain falling so thickly I could barely make out a few paces ahead of me. The whole island seemed like it was in turmoil. That’s what I feel from you now. A storm.”

Briefly, Kylo let himself imagine it: the pretty desert girl surrounded by nature’s fury, frightened yet pushing herself forward. Into the _Falcon._ To him. To save his soul.

“Hux has located the Resistance. The First Order attacks tomorrow.”

Kylo saw it in her eyes, the moment his words registered and the bottom dropped out of her world.

She blinked. “Where are they?”

He searched her mind as lightly as he could. “You really don’t know, do you?” She looked away from him. Fear coursed through her. And regret. “Rey…”

“No, I don’t know. I’m to complete this mission and when I know it’s absolutely safe to try to make contact, and only then, I can try to find them.” Rey still wouldn’t look at him. “In fact, they’d prefer it if they were the ones to make contact again. I’m… I’m on my own for now. I may be on my own forever.”

Kylo’s calculating brain unknotted what she was saying. “Does your general know about our bond?”

Rey’s silence was all the confirmation he needed, no diving into her mind necessary.

“Because you’re linked to me, she’s abandoned you.”

“No. This is for everyone’s sake. For the greater good. I can’t put the Resistance in danger.”

“Trust me, Rey, I know what abandonment looks like, especially when engineered by my mother,” he spat. Maker, if he was a storm before, he was an all out hurricane now. He looked at Rey, and the emotions rolling off her weren’t any less potent, if completely different than his. “Let’s get those texts. I want to be out of this planet’s atmosphere in twenty minutes.”

“Kylo…” Rey started, then appeared to reevaluate her plea. “Ben. Please don’t do this. I know this is war but this is your mother’s life at stake. And my… my family. My friends. And I’m nearly positive that without them, we can’t bring balance to the Force.”

Kylo straightened. That could be more of the board, another move or two in this game. But they needed those books, he needed to understand, and she needed to explain.

“Let’s get those texts, then you’re going to fly my ship as you tell me everything, and I’m going to read.” He looked straight into her eyes. “And remember, when I’m tumbling head first into the darkside and all that glorious ancient power, that you were the one who led me here.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo chuckled mirthlessly. “Oh Rey. That anyone would give a single damn about me is beyond surprising, but then, I know you need me for this. You’ve made that clear. Whatever   
>  _  
>  this   
>  _  
>  is. So talk. Tell me what your theory is about the Force, tell me how I fit into it. I’ll decide on my own who should kill me, the Resistance or my own soldiers.”

**Rey**

 

In the end, they’d decided it would be best if Rey—and Rey only—retrieved the texts from Maz’s cellar. Though neither said it to the other, they were both concerned that if Kylo went down alone and was unable to resist those voices, he may never come out, or worse, he would be the _only_  one who came out. Rey left the cantina as spotless as she could make it before their departure, the only way she could show her gratitude to Maz for letting her take the texts, and for using her castle for a few days.

By the time she was finished, Kylo had the shuttle prepped and ready to go. She climbed into the pilot’s seat, a little intimidated to be doing this alone and more than upset about why. Kylo was in the back, stretched out on the hard bench as if it was a luxurious bed, barely paying her any mind as he delved into the texts. It suited Rey just fine, as she was in no mood to talk to him anyway, and she preferred to make any mistakes flying in private.

But, other than a slight snafu with retracting the landing gear (much more complicated switches than she was used to), Rey flew the impressive First Order machine without a hitch.

It wasn’t long before they launched into the deep blue of hyperspace and the shuttle was on autopilot.

“Start talking.”

The firm, deep-voiced request made Rey jump. She threw off her safety harness and swiveled the pilot’s chair around to look at him. Infuriatingly, he didn’t even glance away from the texts.

“What do you care? Clearly, if I tell you how I think it would be possible to bring balance to the Force, you’ll just stop it from happening. Probably after you blow up my friends, not to mention your own mother.”

“You don’t really believe I’m going to do that.” He still wasn’t looking up. Not even acknowledging her. Force, she wanted to take her saber and—

“Ah, yes, there’s the anger.” He smiled, sitting up and setting the Sith text aside. “You know, even a Jedi embraces anger. It can be a focal point for the light, too.”

She stared at him, fuming.

He shrugged. “You were the one who said you wanted a teacher. I assumed you only wanted the Sith texts for, how did you put it? Scholarly reasons. Or did you really want the darkside teachings after all? What do you want to know, Rey?”

“Right now, I want to know if you’re going to let the First Order murder everyone I love tomorrow.”

In spite of herself, her voice broke from pure worry. He cocked his head at her. His smug smile didn’t falter, but the light in his eyes dimmed. “Everyone, Rey?”

She didn’t take the bait. “The ones you haven’t already killed, anyway. Where are they?”

Kylo picked up the text again. “I’ll know at the briefing tomorrow.”

“Hux keeping you in the dark?”

“We didn’t have time to talk.”

“How can you be sure it isn’t a means to get you there and ambush you?”

“That’s not what this is.”

“I’m sure he’d like nothing more than to turn his loyal soldiers on you the second you step off the shuttle.”

“Enough!” The sturdy walls of the shuttle rattled as the Force powered Kylo’s voice with a threat.

Rey was unperturbed. She’d sensed his anger building and her words had hit their target in the most pleasing of ways. She crossed her arms over her chest and spoke to Kylo in a voice that was unwavering. “You want to return to an organization who would just as soon take your head than respect your authority. Meanwhile, you’re going to annihilate the only people in the galaxy who give a damn about you.”

“If you’re referring to General Organa—”

“I am referring to your mother. And me.” Kylo’s eyes widened. Rey blew out a breath. “Does that surprise you?”

Kylo chuckled mirthlessly. “Oh Rey. That anyone would give a single damn about me is beyond surprising, but then, I know you need me for this. You’ve made that clear. Whatever _this_ is. So talk. Tell me what your theory is about the Force, tell me how I fit into it. I’ll decide on my own who should kill me, the Resistance or my own soldiers.”

Rey paused. There were a few ways this could go. One, she could tell him her theory and he could actually help her. Two, she could tell him and he could refuse to help her, and possibly keep the key to balancing the Force to himself like a weapon, and three, she could refuse to tell him anything. And no matter what she chose to do, he might still wipe out the Resistance.

Rey knew one thing for sure, though: the odds of him killing her friends went up exponentially if she didn’t at least try get him to see things her way.

“You know how you said a good Jedi also embraces anger?” Kylo’s dark eyes focused on her, intensely. He gave her a small nod. “So it would follow that a Sith could use joy or love as a focal point for the Force.”

“I suppose, if a Sith could feel love or joy.”

“Supposing they can, for the sake of this argument, a Sith could use a strong sense of joy to do something terrible. Just like a Jedi could use anger and channel it toward doing something good?”

Kylo sighed. “So you _are_ talking about combining the two, Sith and Jedi. Rey, gray Jedi have been around for eons. I suppose you could call what they do a balance…”

“It’s not balance. No. Not like the Force wants.” Kylo looked appropriately confused, and Rey allowed herself a moment of satisfaction. “The Force has nothing to do with good or evil.”

“Wait. But the darkside—”

“It’s only the darkside because we make it so. If I were to use my powers to kill you right now, the Force is the instrument, yes, but it’s not good or bad itself. I’m the one who is good or bad, wielding the Force to do my bidding. The Force just… is. It’s just energy. Right? That’s why a Jedi can use rage for good.”

“Well, that’s simplifying it a bit, but… yes.”

“So everyone seems to think that for the Force to be in balance, the dark and light must be equal, but they already are.”

Kylo stood, boots clunking along the floor of the shuttle as he paced. “Because of us? Because you and I are equally strong in the Force and… and you’re the light and I’m the dark?”

“No, no, you’re not listening,” Rey said, frustrated. “The dark and the light… they don’t matter. Even if you killed me and became the last Force user with all the darkside powers in the galaxy, that still doesn’t change the makeup of the Force, even if you’re pulling all of the darkside power to you.”

Kylo stopped his pacing and stared at her. “So we both have to die to make it equal?”

“Ugh, this is not going the way I planned.” Rey threw her head back against the seat. “Let me try to explain it another way. Have you ever studied water?”

“Um, I can’t say I’ve researched it in depth, no,” Kylo said, raising a brow. “I suppose you have?”

“One of the first things I did when I had enough water that it wasn’t too precious to waste was play with it.”

“Naturally.”

She could feel him inwardly rolling his eyes but ignored it. “Well, if you put water in a cup, or a bowl, it spreads out evenly. The surface is always level. That’s the Force. That’s the balance it seeks. To be level, to be equal throughout.”

“But we Force users come along and make it unequal, being Jedi or Sith.”

“Yes, but not in the way you’re thinking. Again, it has nothing to do with the light or dark.” Rey looked around herself. “Is there a cup somewhere?”

It took a minute of searching, but Kylo located a small bowl. He was nearly certain it was supposed to be a bedpan, as it had come from the medic cabinet, but Rey waved away any sanitation worries in her excitement. She took out a container of water they’d “borrowed” from Maz and poured enough water in to spread over the bottom of the bowl. She showed it to Kylo, who grumbled impatiently, then tipped the bowl slightly to the left.

“You’re right, and Snoke was right. The Force likes balance in all things. Light, dark, life, death, you get the picture. And sometimes when those things are out of whack, like you growing so strong in the darkside, the will of the Cosmic Force tries to right itself.” Rey made the bowl level again, redistributing the water evenly. “And a girl from Jakku finds her powers in the light.”

Kylo’s lips curled into a smile. “So how is that not balance?”

“Ah,” Rey said, excitement growing. “That’s because we’re thinking incorrectly about how we use the Force. The ancient texts, well, and Luke, made it clear to me that we can’t possess the Force. Not really. We use it. Jedi tend to channel it through themselves, and Sith take a more aggressive approach, bending it to their will. But neither owns the Force. We borrow it.”

Rey placed the bowl on her lap, then cupped her small hand, dipping it into the bowl to retrieve a few drops of liquid. “I have a lot of the Force in my hands now, and you’d have as much, if not more, in this metaphor. So the remaining Force flattens out, makes up for that we’re borrowing by stretching itself thinner, but… that’s not balanced in and of itself, is it? Because we have some.”

Kylo frowned at the bowl. Rey could see the gears turning, chasing her words to their logical conclusion. Rey beat him there.

“Kylo, what do you fear, more than anything in the galaxy?”

_That one day you might care for me as much as I care for you._

Rey sucked in a breath. Kylo’s eyes widened.

“Wait. What?”

“I…” Kylo’s mouth remained open, but nothing else came out.

“I asked you that because I thought…”

“You thought that losing my powers would be the thing I most feared in the galaxy.” Kylo straightened. “And you’re right. That’s… at the top of the list.”

“But not _the_ top,” Rey said, voice scratchy. Her throat had gone completely dry. “What do you mean, ‘as much as I care for you’?”

“Nevermind that, are you asking me to stop using the Force?”

“Huh uh,” Rey said, rising from the pilot chair. “You meant for me to hear that. It was in my head as plain as day.”

“Then maybe that’s not how our bond works. I have been wrong before. Once or twice.” Kylo shrugged and, Rey noted, he was carefully avoiding eye contact. Also, the tips of his ears were red.

“But you haven’t been wrong about this.”

“Then figuring it out would mean delving deep into my psyche. I don’t have any desire to go _there_. Do you?” Kylo growled and his hand went to the hilt of his saber. It wasn’t a threat; Rey knew that. More of a habit, his need to destroy when he was angry. Or humiliated.

Rey pushed every feeling of calm she had at him through the bond and, a moment later, Kylo’s shoulders relaxed.

“We will have to talk about it at some point.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“There seems to be plenty to talk about.”

“Not everything needs to be talked to death.”

“Well, some things need more sorting out than others.”

“I have no doubt we will sort it out, one way or another.” Kylo squeezed his eyes shut and for a moment, Rey saw a couple of images flash in her mind like a holovid, ways Kylo was imagining “sorting out” his feelings with her. Neither image involved talking and one was _infinitely_ more appealing than the other.

Rey cleared her throat, covering up a small squeak of surprise. Perhaps it would be better to save this particular conversation for later. “So… as I was saying, using the Force at all means that the Force itself isn’t in balance, because if we’re using it, someone or something else can’t. It can’t be equally distributed.”

“But isn’t it running through all things?” Kylo asked. She could sense him digging in his heels.

“Naturally all of us have the Force within us. But people like you and I…Force users... we have more than our share, you could say.” She shrugged. “Hence, the lack of balance.”

“So either everyone uses it, or no one uses it,” Kylo said, frowning.

“No,” Rey said, and Kylo cursed at being wrong again. “It’s not just using it. Kylo, we have to give it back. We have to give up our power.”

Kylo dropped into the co-pilot’s seat, an expression Rey had never seen before on his face, somewhere between completely flummoxed and defeated.

“Well,” he said wryly, “we’re back to my second biggest fear.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing,  _ nothing  _ had ever given him this before. This kind of satisfaction, this kind of… completion. Not the thrill of battle, not the rush of victory, not the bliss of vengeance. Not even the Force.

**Kylo**

 

Kylo stared out the front of the shuttle into the blue, turning Rey’s theory over and over again in his mind. No matter which way he looked at it, though, he just couldn’t fathom it. 

“So, we give our powers back, somehow, and then what? We’re just like everyone else?”

Rey nodded. “I know it’s scary.”

“No, you don’t know,” Kylo said, a little surprised at the insistence in his voice. “I’m sorry, Rey. But you don’t know. You just discovered you could use the Force a few weeks ago. This is…” He looked at her, pleadingly. “This is my  _ life _ , Rey. My whole life. My… existence. My…”

“Identity?”

“Yes!” Kylo said, understanding it only just then, as he’d spoken it out loud. The Force wasn’t just something he used, a cosmic gift that allowed him to do extraordinary things. He  _ was  _ the Force. The Force made him powerful and strong but it also made him  _ him.  _ It made him Kylo Ren. It made him Ben Solo, even. Without it, he was nothing. Nothing. Just a disappointing child and student, a leader who couldn’t even stop his own troops from killing him. 

It would be worse than taking off the mask. At least without the mask, others didn’t expect such fierceness and perfection all the time. But without the Force, there was nothing left but failings and weakness. 

He blinked back what might have been the beginnings of tears and looked into her hazel eyes. “It’s who I am, Rey. The good in me, the bad. I’ve never known life without it. Not a single moment. My mother sensed it in me when I was still in her belly, for Maker’s sake. I can’t even open my eyes in the morning without first feeling it stir. It’s in everything I do, whether I know it or not. A task as simple as getting dressed or taking a drink of water and I feel the energy moving through me. It’s always there, whispering in the back of my mind, tingling through my veins like blood itself, coloring every experience. It makes everything sharper, more vivid, more beautiful. Don’t you… don’t you feel that way?”

She looked at him, eyes glittering with both tears and wonder. “I’m starting to feel that way. Starting to notice it in everything. But it’s not quite like you how you’re describing it. I didn’t realize, Kylo. I mean, I didn’t… I don’t know.”

“You didn’t suspect that a person like me could see the beauty in the Force. Only the power.”

Rey put her hand to her chest. “I don’t suppose I did. I’m sorry.” 

Kylo sighed. It hurt, but he couldn’t fault her. “I do, Rey. I suppose my former master sensed that in me, and probably thought of it as weakness. But he was wrong. It  _ is  _ beautiful and I’m not sure how I’d live without it. It’s not just my identity. It’s in everything I do.”

Rey leaned forward in her chair, elbows on her knees, and opened her hands to him. Inhaling sharply, he leaned forward and settled his large palms over her small ones. 

“I think that’s exactly why it’s required, though. Because it’s so difficult. Because the sacrifice is so great. It’s the most remarkable show of devotion, isn’t it? To put yourself aside for something else? For something far greater and infinite? To show that you trust the will of the Cosmic Force and to be humble enough to know the power is not yours to possess?”

Kylo had to look away. “Even if I could bear to do this thing, Rey, how could we even give the power back? Like I said, it was in me before I was even born. How could I separate it from me?”

Rey squeezed his hands before letting them go, and gestured to the Sith texts. “That’s where those come in. And you. I’m not sure either, but I don’t think I’m wrong about what we have to do, and I need you to help me figure out how. The Jedi texts talked about how power could be depleted, by accident or through punishment, but didn’t say how. I figured since it was a punishment, maybe the Sith texts would say.”

“And you knew I’d be able to translate them. And, of course, that I had to be part of it for this to work.”

“Can you? Will you?” 

Kylo drew in a long breath. “I don’t think you know what you’re asking of me. Everything I’ve worked for, all my life, everything I’ve done… All of it. Rey, I’ve killed for this power. To be  _ the  _ most powerful.”

The moment hung between them but, Kylo realized with some sadness, he didn’t sense any surprise from her. She had expected him to say no. She’d expected him to do what was, in her eyes, the wrong thing. 

“And the Resistance?” he hazarded. “You said you didn’t think the Force would ever find balance without them.”

“It won’t,” she said, and though her voice trembled, it held strong resolve. “Because I won’t give up my own powers until I know they’re safe. Or, at least, that nothing can hurt them anymore. I’ll do all I can to protect them, Kylo. I’ll do anything for them. Do you understand me? Anything.”

She was struggling; he could feel it through their bond. There was bravado, but no trace of a bluff.

He nodded to her. 

“Ben. Please. Don’t hurt them. Don’t… I know you have the power to wipe them out. But can you just… give me time?”  
“Time for what?”

Rey shook her head and looked around herself, at a loss. “I don’t know. Let me figure this out. We need the Resistance. We need the Republic. Not a monarchy.” 

Kylo drew in a long breath, closing his eyes. He was immediately back in Snoke’s throne room, ashes falling, hand outstretched. Only this time, in his daydream, she took it. She said yes. She was dressed in black and red, stunning, standing next to him a dais, strong and made to rule. 

Back in reality, her warm hands slid over his again and he opened his eyes. She was gazing back knowingly.

“We don’t need that. The galaxy doesn’t need that kind of leadership and you and I… we don’t need that. We don’t even need power, Ben.” She lifted one of her hands and lightly, so lightly it was torture, traced the scar she’d given him with her thumb. Her fingers spread across his cheek, holding his face in her hand, like his mother—like the general had once done. Like Han. But this was infinitely different. Just as inviting but so much more intimate. He closed his eyes and leaned into her palm. 

And that was when she pressed her lips to his.

He barely had time to understand it before he was consumed by it. Her fingers wound themselves up in his hair, his hands found her tiny waist, and suddenly all of her was touching all of him. 

Nothing,  _ nothing  _ had ever given him this before. This kind of satisfaction, this kind of… completion. Not the thrill of battle, not the rush of victory, not the bliss of vengeance. Not even the Force. And Rey.  _ Maker,  _ Rey was the heat of the Jakku desert in the flesh. The need pouring out of her, pushing its way through their bond and in the thrum of her blood was a high he’d be chasing for the rest of his life. And for a girl so at home in a desert, Rey felt to him like water, cool and crisp and sharp on his tongue, washing away the dust and grime and renewing his life.

Kylo realized then and there that he’d lived his life in a perpetual drought. 

An image came to him and he realized it was hers: him, as the Supreme Leader, commanding his legions to stand down as she stood behind him, watching, smiling in triumph because she’d turned him.

Convinced him.

Kylo stood, knocking Rey aside. “No.”

“What?” Rey breathed. She put her hand to her chest as she struggled for air. “What?” 

“Don’t do this,” he said. “Don’t use what was in my mind against me.”

Rey shook her head and pushed herself up. “I’m not.”

“Don’t lie. Please. We’ve never lied to each other when it was...us. When it counted.” Kylo felt his throat closing, as if the shuttle’s oxygen supply was dwindling. How could he have thought, even for one second, that she might have actually wanted to be with him? That she would have willingly, without agenda, given herself?

“Ben!” She was close to him. Too close. The pull to her heat, to her light, was unbearable. “I wasn’t… that’s not why I…” 

“I saw what you were thinking, Rey!” He stalked to the other end of the shuttle, needing to put as much distance as he could between his traitorous body and hers. “You said it yourself. You’d do anything for them.” 

“I… of course I want my friends to be safe, Ben. Of course. But that’s not why.”

“My name is Kylo.”

Every muscle in his body constricted as he pulled the darkness from the air around them, bringing it deep into his bones, into his heart, shrouding him in protection. This was why he always trusted the dark. In the dark, no one saw the weaknesses, the wounds that could be used and manipulated. 

And for her to see the deepest wound of all and use it…  _ her _ , the only person who had ever understood him…

An alert sounded. They had come out of hyperspace and the  _ Supremacy  _ floated into view. 

She said his name again, his old name, the weak one, but he didn’t acknowledge it. Maybe he would never acknowledge that name again. He flipped on the comm and a lieutenant who he only vaguely remembered addressed him formally. 

“I want General Hux in my quarters the second we land. And we’ll need shackles for my prisoner.”

“Yes, sir.” 

The comm blipped off and he stood staring at it, a ringing in his ears.

“Kylo. Please.” He didn’t turn. He could feel the panic rising within her, like a thundering tide. “I do care for you. I told you that.”

Kylo set his jaw, still unable to look at her. When he spoke, his voice was low, black, and dangerous. “You…  _ care _ for me.”

How did she not see that she’d just made it all infinitely worse?

“If you know what’s good for you, scavenger, you won’t utter another word.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't have anything of consequence to say except that I never want to stop writing this pair and it's distracting me from writing that I actually get paid for but... hey, follow the muse, right???


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’d blocked her. From what she could tell, it was as solid a barrier as the one he’d thrown up after thinking Leia had died, as the one Luke had built when he’d separated himself from the Force. It was impenetrable, and he was isolating himself in the process.
> 
> And with this realization came another: the size of the bandage was equal to the size of the wound.

**Rey**

 

Rey recognized that tone of voice, that particular look in Kylo Ren’s eyes: determination. It was another thing he got from his mother (and his father, for that matter), but she didn’t dare even think that too loudly. His mind was made up; she’d been judged and found guilty. 

She slid down the wall until she was on the cold floor of the shuttle, still clutching her chest. It hurt, but underneath that was something else. Almost like a hole. Is this what heartbreak felt like? She’d felt joy and happiness before, and also sadness and mourning when something joyful was gone, but it hadn’t been quite as sharp as this. As stinging. Mourning was what Rey imagined drowning slowly would be like. This was more like sudden dismemberment. Something important and essential ripped away. Like…

Rey’s eyes widened, tears spilling out, and she pushed outward, sending herself through the bond. She came up against a wall. 

He’d blocked her. From what she could tell, it was as solid a barrier as the one he’d thrown up after thinking Leia had died, as the one Luke had built when he’d separated himself from the Force. It was impenetrable, and he was isolating himself in the process. 

And with this realization came another: the size of the bandage was equal to the size of the wound. 

The shuttle shuddered as its landing gear deployed, and Rey realized Kylo was behind the controls, guiding them into the underbelly of the  _ Supremacy.  _

From her perch on the floor, she tried again. “Kylo… Kylo, please…”

There was nothing in return. No reaction from him, no stirring through the bond. The shuttle touched down and the ramp lowered with a whir that sounded to Rey like a death knell. 

Kylo stood and reached for her, pulling her up by the thin black tunic as if she were an insolent beast of burden. Boots thundered on the ramp and Captain Phasma appeared, flanked by two stormtroopers. She and the troopers dipped low in respect to Kylo.

“Supreme Leader. Welcome back.” 

“Thank you, Captain. You’ve brought the shackles?”

A stormtrooper answered by holding his hands out for inspection. The shackles looked small in comparison to his armored palms. 

Rey held out her hands. Protesting or begging wasn’t going to do any good. Phasma clamped the rings around her wrists and then the connection to the Force was gone. 

“Captain. Two of your soldiers were… dispatched during our mission.” 

Rey couldn’t tell if it was all of Phasma’s training that made her voice emotionless at the knowledge of losing two of her soldiers, or if she was merely that unsurprised.  “Understandable, Supreme Leader. I hope they didn’t give you any trouble.”

“None at all, Captain. They followed every command. Is the General in my chambers?”

“Yes, sir. He’s ready to brief you.” Phasma’s chrome head turned in Rey’s direction. “Should I take the prisoner to a cell, Supreme Leader?”

Kylo barely spared Rey a glance. “I think it would be very beneficial for her to hear how her precious Resistance will be destroyed, Captain. Maybe it will move her to be more forthcoming with information.”

Phasma nodded in agreement and moved behind Rey. Before Rey could even wince with anticipation, that cursed baton jabbed her in the spine. They traveled down the hallways Rey remembered, the ones that led to Kylo’s sparse and elegant rooms. 

When they entered his chambers, General Hux was facing away from them, staring out the window. He turned, trademark sneer on his face, and Rey felt his judgmental gaze rove over her completely. 

“Well, Supreme Leader, I take it your time on Takodana wasn’t as fruitful as you’d hoped?”

Kylo ignored Hux and walked to the table in front of the couch. He pressed a button on it and the top split apart, revealing a holoprojector. The image that popped to life was of a planet Rey had never seen before, but the sharp inhalation from Kylo told her that he knew it, and knew it well. 

Hux snorted, walking toward the table with his arms crossed. “I have to confess, even I’m surprised at how stupid your mother is. Chandrila? It’s like she’s begging us to finish them off.”

Kylo used his hands to narrow down to the planet’s surface, where, in bright red, the last remaining ships of the Resistance were docked. Tears stung Rey’s eyes. There were only five. 

“And you’ve seen activity here? They haven’t merely left their ships behind as decoys?”

Hux shook his head. “We’ve seen the general herself.”

Kylo’s expression betrayed nothing, and Hux continued on.

“We will attack at dawn. No use waiting. I suppose two or three bombers should do it.”

“No.”

Hux sputtered; Phasma’s chrome clanged as she turned sharply to him, and Rey’s eyes widened. 

“She’s there for a reason. Probably gathering support. Attacking would ensure they get it, and Chandrila is rich in resources. Let them gather what they will. Follow them when they leave the planet. Collect more intel.”

“You can’t be serious,” Hux barked. “We can finish them now, Ren!” 

“And I’m telling you, it won’t be finishing them if we attack now. I know my mother. Her connections on that planet run deep and I’m sure she knows we’ve discovered her whereabouts. She wants us to see this.” Kylo sent a leveling glance toward Hux. “She isn’t stupid, Armitage, but she wants you to think she is.”

“You weak, sniveling fool.” Hux drew himself up and started toward Kylo in a way that couldn’t be judged as anything but threatening. What happened next was so fast that it was only a blur of black: Kylo raised his arm and Hux went flying backwards, hitting the windows with a deep thud. He fell to the floor, unmoving. Rey’s shackled hands flew to her mouth in shock.

Kylo lowered his arm and turned to Phasma, his expression one of irritation. “He’s not dead, unfortunately. Perhaps a few of your guard…”

Phasma nodded. “We’ll get him to the med bay, sir. Not a problem.”

No sooner had Phasma spoken into her comm and two stormtroopers

materialized from nowhere. They hoisted the limp General between them and pulled him away, his shiny, impeccable boots dragging across Kylo’s carpet. The door slid shut behind them smoothly, leaving the three alone in the room. 

Kylo turned to Phasma. “Do you disagree with my assessment, Captain?” 

Rey was sure that even Phasma wouldn’t be bold enough to disagree with Kylo at this point, even if she did believe he was wrong. The captain shook her head. 

“No, sir. You know General Organa’s methods better than anyone. And if you don’t mind me saying, sir, I think it’s a worthless use of our resources to worry about five small ships. Even if they are rebuilding, at this point it would only be egging on others to join them.”

Kylo nodded thoughtfully. “Will you sit, Captain? I’ve something rather important to discuss.”

Phasma and Kylo sat, and Rey did too, feeling awkward about being the only one still standing, though it was clear neither First Order leader was acknowledging her existence.

Without the bond, Rey was failing miserably at trying to read Kylo’s face. Even his eyes were impassive, as locked down and guarded are everything else about him. The detachment in him, however, was new, even for him. In spite of himself, to Rey he’d always projected his real emotions, whether through his eyes or the bond. She’d always… understood him. This was such a stark contrast to that, she found herself completely unsettled by him, and this change. Could he really turn himself off like that?

And was this it? After revealing her theory to him and the… the kiss, he’d had enough? Was Phasma going to become an executioner right here in his quarters?

“Phasma,” Kylo began, his voice gentle, almost intimate. Jealousy spiked within her, and Rey involuntarily straightened her spine. “I’ve heard many amazing stories about you.”

“Yes, sir.” 

Kylo cocked his head at her. “I don’t suppose they’re all true?”

“They most likely are, sir.”

Kylo smiled. “Yes. I figured. I heard that you were considered a goddess on your home planet.”

“Something like that. My people believed I could do anything.”

“Tell me,” Kylo went on, “what did that feel like?” 

Though the rest of Kylo remained still, a strange sort of hunger appeared in his eyes. 

“I’m certain you know, Supreme Leader. People respect you and fear you, and their fates are in your hands. It’s power in its purest form.” 

Kylo nodded, and Rey saw the weight of her words settle on him.

“Remove your helmet, Captain.”

Rey sucked in a breath. Finn had told her stories of Captain Phasma, how fierce and cruel and ruthless she could be, how strict she was even when training the smallest children, but of course, the legends too. The whispers of how she’d come from nothing, how mysterious her rise to power was, but most of all, how no one had ever seen her face. No one knew if she looked as monstrous as her reputation led everyone to believe, or if she was even truly human. 

But Kylo seemed unafraid, and Phasma didn’t hesitate. 

“As you command, Supreme Leader.” Phasma removed her helmet with one swift movement, and Rey’s jaw dropped. Underneath the chrome was a human and she was surprisingly… beautiful. She was unlike any woman Rey had ever seen before, with pale skin and white-blond hair, but her features were elegant and strong. Her face was that of a warrior, but also somehow soft. 

Kylo did smile, then. “Good. I know the importance of a mask, Phasma. But this conversation requires that we speak as honestly as possible.”

Phasma cocked her head at him before giving him a slight nod. 

“Another thing I’ve heard about you is that you will do anything to stay on top. That you align yourself to whatever, or whomever, has the most power. Is that also correct?”

Rey saw a slight shift in Phasma’s crystal blue eyes, a small bolt of fear before she once again became as impassive and steady as stone. 

“Are you questioning my loyalty, sir?”

“Yes, Phasma, I suppose I am,” Kylo said, almost lazily. “But not to me.”

There was a pause and Rey could almost imagine what was going through the captain’s head: Phasma was calculating, planning, ten steps ahead and all possible alternate scenarios. 

“I suppose you could say that I’m a betting woman, Supreme Leader, and my life and allegiance are the stakes I bring to the table. If you’re asking my feelings about the general, whether I would bet my life on him or on you…”

“I am.”

Phasma bowed her head slightly and, after a moment, raised a confident gaze to Kylo. “I know what you are capable of. I’ve seen the strange power within you. Those on my planet called it myth. Fairytale. But I see now that only those capable in the Force can rule. No one else could compare without that power. Long after the general breathes his last breath, the First Order will rule, strong and unwavering. And so will you, Supreme Leader.”

“And your soldiers?”

“Will obey my every command, sir.” Phasma raised her chin. “I’ve trained most of them since they were taken from their whimpering mothers and fathers. They know only my training and the First Order now.”

Kylo nodded slightly, approvingly, then fixed Phasma with a knowing look. “You’ve risen so high already, Captain. What could your ambition possibly seek next?”

“I should like to be general, sir. I’m more than capable. And  _ your _ best bet, I’d wager.”

The smile that crept over Kylo’s face was chilling. “Then it appears you and I have a singular goal, Captain.”

Captain Phasma gave him a curt nod, her smile back just as cold. “Sir.”

Kylo stood, signaling the end of the discussion. Captain Phasma bowed low to the Supreme Leader and then was gone. Kylo turned his dark, cold eyes to Rey and she opened her mouth to speak. 

“Don’t,” was all he said in response, and he turned toward his bedroom, leaving her there, shackled and powerless and alone. 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Will you come with me?”
> 
> Rey looked up then, surprise and fear skittering across her face equally. “Why?”
> 
> He didn’t answer, but held out a hand, palm up. How many times would he offer his hand to her? How many times would she have to take it for him to believe she wanted to?

**Kylo**

 

Kylo wasn’t sure how long he stood under the boiling hot water of the shower, but it had been long enough to cover what may have been a few tears of frustration and, perhaps if he allowed himself to admit it, a few of heartbreak as well. He’d sent his orders to stand down on the attack against the Resistance to all the officers who needed to know, so now there was nothing left to do but sleep. And Maker, how he longed for a bed and few blissful hours of not having to think. 

Of course, there was the question of the scavenger. She was still in his quarters, most likely waiting on him, perhaps thinking long and hard about what she’d done. How many times had his mother sent him to his room to stew in silence and ruminate on his bad behavior? He found himself hoping Rey was deeply sorry for what she’d done. He also found himself replaying that kiss in his imagination… at least until the part where he’d seen that it was all manipulation. 

She’d have to go in a cell tonight. After that…. What was he going to do with her? He couldn’t just let her go. But he also couldn’t sentence her to death. In spite of today, the very thought brought the bitter taste of bile to his mouth.

Dressed only in sleeping pants, he opened the ‘fresher door and made his way to the common area, where he’d left Rey. He heard the stern mechanical voice of Too-vee and stopped just short of entering the room, peering around the corner as quietly as possible. 

Too-vee stood over Rey, balanced on her spherical base, her mechanical hands working large knots out of Rey’s hair. 

“You need to bring a brush with you on these trips, child. This is the worst case of neglect I’ve ever seen.”

Though Rey was facing away from him, Kylo was sure Rey was rolling her eyes. “Well, I had other priorities.” 

“Clearly!” Too-vee tsked. There was a slightly muffled sound that sounded close to a sob, and the droid’s voice dropped in pitch and severity. “I am sorry about His Highness, though. He can be a bit…” 

“Scary? Unpredictable? Stubborn?”

“I was going to say moody, but those words are also accurate. Please hold still. This is going to take all night.” 

“I just wish he’d seen the other things I was thinking about. I mean, of course I was thinking about how maybe he wouldn’t kill my friends but… I was thinking about very good things too,” Rey said quietly. “Ow, that pulls!”

“Carry a brush and we won’t have to go through this again. At least a comb, I beg you.” Kylo smiled at the impatience in Too-vee’s voice. “And what were the good things you were thinking about while kissing him? Marriage? Children? Please say children. The princess would love to be a grandmother.”

“No! Too-vee! I… do you think Kylo would want children? Oh nevermind! What does it matter? He thinks I only kissed him to get him to back off the Resistance.”

“Well, child, why  _ did  _ you kiss him?”

There was a pause and Kylo leaned farther out of his hiding place, scared he was going to miss Rey’s response. 

“I don’t know. I just… really wanted to. I’ve never felt like that before, just completely overwhelmed by the need to...to press my lips to his.” Rey snorted. “It was my first kiss, and I completely screwed it up. Oh, Too-vee, what am I going to do?”

“What am  _ I  _ going to do with this hair? That’s the real question. Truly. What neglect.”

Kylo leaned back against the wall, out of sight. She’d been overwhelmed by the need to kiss him? And… it was her first kiss? 

Sure, he’d felt her desire for him. But that was just a desire to win him and his loyalty, not… not an actual desire for  _ him _ . And how could she desire him? Someone ugly and twisted and scarred, inside and out. 

He closed his eyes and gathered himself for a moment and then, with a steadying breath, he stepped into the room. 

“Rey.”

Both Rey and Too-vee turned. Too-vee’s metal head leaned to one side, studying him with curiosity. Rey, however, let her gaze drop to the floor. There were tear tracks on her cheeks. 

“Will you come with me?”

Rey looked up then, surprise and fear skittering across her face equally. “Why?”

He didn’t answer, but held out a hand, palm up. How many times would he offer his hand to her? How many times would she have to take it for him to believe she wanted to?

But Rey rose, glancing nervously at his droid before going to him. She held her hands out, trying to take his, and he realized she was still in the shackles. He mumbled an apology and waved over them, unlocking them and tossing them aside. And then she slipped her small hand into his. 

From that small contact he felt a rush of relief flowing from her, and he loosened the tight lock on his mind so that she could feel his own relief through the bond. She smiled then, small and shy but genuine.

He led her to the ‘fresher and they both sat at the edge of the bathtub. 

“Are you tired?” he asked.

“Exhausted,” she admitted. He studied the dark circles under her eyes and knew he couldn’t possibly look any better. 

Kylo leaned over and turned on the faucet, running his hands through the strong stream of water to check the temperature. Very warm, but not hot. Perfect. He stood and found the jar of soap he’d had Too-vee make up for Rey, and let some of it fall into the water. Bubbles formed and spread, and Rey looked up at him, tired but radiant.

“Nightblossoms were hard to find. I collected bunches when I could, then dried them. That way I had the smell all the time, even when they wouldn’t grow.” She stared at the bubbles. “How did you know?”

“I saw. I saw so many things about you.”

“In my head? During the interrogation?”

Kylo nodded. He dipped his hand into the filling tub and came away with some of the water. He let it drip away. “And in my dreams. I can’t explain it, Rey, but I’ve known you for a long time.”

“Just like I saw Ahch-To.” She squinted at him. “I think I dreamt of you, too. But not… not as Kylo Ren.”

Kylo looked away, giving himself a moment’s reprieve from the intensity of her gaze. Then turned back to her. He handed her the jar of soap. 

“Need Too-vee to help you wash your hair?”

Rey laughed. “I’ve done just fine without help since I was a child. That and I can’t take her judgment anymore. But thank you, Kylo.” She touched the water, studying it with something like awe. “There’s so much of it. I could soak for days and it wouldn’t be enough.”

Kylo laughed then, too. “I wouldn’t recommend it. The water does get cold after a while. I’ll send Too-vee in with sleeping clothes. And I’ll tell her you are to sleep in my guest room.”

He got up and made toward the door, and her voice called after him. He turned back. 

“Thank you,” she whispered, gratitude sweeping across his mind. 

He jerked in surprise. What was she thanking him for? The bath? For calling off the First Order?

“Both,” Rey said, and that was all she said. She turned away from him and put her hand down in the water. The feeling of joy that flooded from Rey’s mind to his was enough to fill an entire ocean.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He reached out, his warm, large hand cupping her chin. “Show me. Show me what I should have seen yesterday.”

**Rey**

 

_Rey. Rey, it’s time to wake up. Can you pull yourself out of these dreams?_

Ben’s voice was whisper soft along the edge of her consciousness and she smiled at it.

_Ben, where am I?_

A rumble of quiet laughter filled her ears. _In my guest quarters, or do you mean the dream?_

 _The dream! It’s beautiful here._ For a lovely moment, Rey felt a warm breeze in her hair, saw soft purple light touching her skin, and heard calm waves lapping at a distant shore.

_Chandrila. Where I grew up._

Rey understood, then, why he’d been so affected by the image in the holoprojector yesterday. _Is it really this perfect?_

_It really is. A bit warmer than this sometimes, and it has three suns, so the sunrises and sunsets seemed to last forever. Everything was golden and purple for hours every day. The oceans were always calm, and the tides rolled in and out continuously. You could hear the waves everywhere, even in the heart of the city. But Rey. It’s time to wake. We have a lot to do today._

Reluctantly, Rey opened her eyes. She wasn’t surprised that Ben… Kylo… wasn’t actually in the room with her, but she realized that she felt bereft from the loss of his voice in her head. Her surroundings, though nothing like Chandrila, were neat and downright cozy, really. Kylo’s guest room wasn’t as sparse as the rest of his quarters and seemed tailored for more feminine tastes, in overstuffed furniture and cream tones.

Rey didn’t let herself linger on that detail.

She threw the soft bedding aside and stood, stretching for the day. She ran her fingers through her loose hair and over the wrinkles in the clothes she’d slept in (loose pants and a tight tank top, both in silky black material, naturally) then opened her door. Kylo was standing in the common room, a steaming mug of caf in his hand. His smile when he saw her was sleepy and genuine.

“Good morning.”

She smiled back. “Morning. Thank you for waking me gently.”

“I thought it would be better than Too-vee. She has a tendency to start a morning with criticism. Caf?”

“Please.”

Kylo turned and poured her a cup and she noted that he didn’t have to ask how she took it. He was already dressed for the day, sans his overcoat. His upper half was only covered with a black tank and suspenders, which made him look both burly and young, somehow.

“Why Chandrila?” Rey asked, taking a sip of caf and sighing at the robust taste. How she’d gone so long on Jakku without this, she’d never know.

“It was the most pleasant place I could think of, and I wanted you to have pleasant dreams.”

Rey coughed. “You… you were helping me dream?”

Kylo’s brows arched. “Keeping nightmares at bay, really. You were exhausted. I’ve sent for food, by the way. I’m ravenous.”

Rey was too. Neither of them had eaten since their small meals on Takodana, she supposed, and she wasn’t as comfortable as she used to be with feeling hungry.

“Will you sit with me? There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

Rey nodded, and sat on the couch where he’d gestured for her to go. He sat at the other end and looked rather uncomfortable. A moment passed in silence.

Rey drew in a breath. “About yesterday, with what I heard, and the kiss, and what you saw…”

“Oh, Maker, no. That’s the last thing I want to talk about.” Embarrassment skittered into Rey’s mind and she looked away from Kylo, letting him summon his pride in dignified privacy. “Well, actually there are a few things I need to talk to you about. I don’t know where to begin.”

“Let’s tackle the easiest one.”

Kylo nodded. “Good idea. I know you don’t know Captain Phasma, but based on what you heard yesterday, do you think she was being truthful?”

At that moment, a small comm unit by Kylo’s door bleeped. Kylo lazily used the Force to open the door and a droid carrying a tray of two covered plates rolled in, bowing its metal head slightly as it approached.

“Your breakfast, Supreme Leader,” the droid intoned in a few clipped mechanical notes.

“Thank you, See-oh,” Kylo replied, taking the tray and setting it on the table for them. The little droid bowed and backed out of the room, the door sliding shut behind it.

Kylo turned to Rey, sheepish. “I’m going to eat like a savage. Too hungry for manners.”

Rey laughed and opened her tray. It was piled high with fruit, a few pastries, and hearty warm meats and vegetables. Fit for a Supreme Leader, naturally.

She’d never had many manners to begin with, being a self-raised junkrat from Jakku, so she dug in right along with Kylo. His satisfaction about the food mingled with hers in her head, and for the next few minutes they ate without any conversation but blissful hums of appreciation.

Rey scraped up some type of gravy with the last of her pastry and turned to Kylo, finally full.

“I think she was being truthful. As of now, anyway. If tables turn and suddenly Hux looks more appealing, then she’ll side with him. But I think she was being as truthful as she could be. And she told you, plainly, who she is.”

It was only when she finished talking that she saw the look on Kylo’s face. He was smiling, somehow proud and in awe at the same time. Only Finn had ever looked at her like that before. Rey shifted, slightly uncomfortable.

“Was that a test?”

He shook his head. “No. I really wanted your opinion. I trust you, Rey.”

“Really? After…” _Yesterday,_ she finished in her head.

“Yes, after yesterday,” Kylo said, voice tempered with kindness. “Like Phasma, you’ve been honest with me about who you are. Even without our bond, you’re so open.”

“But what you saw…”

“What else would I have seen? If I’d looked deeper into your mind or… if I’d kept kissing you?”

Rey sipped her caf, taking her time so that she could hide her blushing face behind the mug.  “Well,” she began, quiet, “happiness. Surprise. Fear. Embarrassment. Insecurity. But… mostly happiness.”

Kylo set down his mug and took Rey’s free hand. “I think I can understand all but the fear. Because it’s me? Because I’m supposed to be your enemy?”

Rey shook her head. “What do you fear more than anything in the galaxy?”

Realization dawned on Kylo’s elegant features. “Then it appears we can be scared together.” He reached out, his warm, large hand cupping her chin. “Show me. Show me what I should have seen yesterday.”

Before she leaned in, Rey paused to close her eyes and open her mind to him as much as she could. She wanted him to feel every single response she had to his mouth on hers. His sharp intake of breath told her he was already feeling her anticipation, and the way her heart was beating a thundering tattoo in her throat. She leaned toward him, eyes still closed, depending on the Force to find his soft, wanting lips.

And Force, _Force_ , how good he felt. Cautious at first, his lips moved over hers, testing. Her mind cried _Yes!_ and, with newfound confidence, he parted her lips with his tongue and Rey poured a moan into him. He slid a hand to the back of her neck, bringing her closer, but it wasn’t enough. Her hands found his shoulders and she used his broad strength to steady herself as she crawled onto his lap, straddling him. When she lowered her weight onto him, he made a noise that was primal and undignified, and Rey smiled against his mouth. His hands were in her hair, his tongue teased against hers, and she pressed herself against him like she wanted to blend her body into his. Power ran through her nerves, whispered in her blood… the very essence of Kylo, of _Ben,_ seemed to overtake her as she wrapped herself around him and he pulled her closer, both of them clawing at each other in vain. A delicious feeling worked its way up her spine, heat pooling low inside her.

She pulled away from him suddenly, their mouths parting with a smack that was nearly obscene. He was panting, eyes blown wide and full dark.

“Is that… are you using the Force on me?” she asked, breathless. “What are you doing to me? I want to do it to you.”

Slowly, his eyes focused on her, coming out of the haze. “What? I’m not… Oh Rey. Rey. Trust me, you’re doing it to me, too. Have you never wanted anyone before?”

She stared at him, her pulse thumping in her ears. “You mean… oh. Oh. I’m so embarrassed. It’s just… so _strong._ ” Pride pulsed from him, and Rey couldn’t help but roll her eyes, blushing all the same. “Yes, congratulations. But don’t get too big a head about it. I was alone in a desert for twenty years. Not like I’ve had many opportunities.”

“And yet FN-2187 didn’t do it for you, huh?”

“Nah. Now Poe, on the other hand…” She laughed as his face fell and leaned forward, kissing him sweetly. “Kidding. Just you. The first time I saw you without the mask…”

“Seeing you so fierce on Takodana,” he replied, and then they were on each other again, the Force fluttering between them, the bond as ecstatic as they were.

“Pardon the interruption, Highness.”

Rey and Kylo broke apart to yell in unison toward the small droid, “Not now, Too-vee!”

“I _am_ sorry, but I noticed an urgent communique from the General. He’s back from med and requesting a meeting. Now.”

Rey sighed, slumping into Kylo’s body but not letting go of him or making any sort of move to leave his embrace. She turned her face into his neck, smelling his clean skin, his hair tickling her cheek.

Under her, Kylo growled. “Should have thrown him harder yesterday…”

Though Rey certainly couldn’t condone violence (something that would need a lengthy discussion between them at some point), she couldn’t have agreed more at the moment.

She drew up, looking into Kylo’s eyes. “Go. I’ll be here waiting.”

Kylo arched a brow. “I love the sound of that. But… come with me. I think perhaps it’s time to show Hux his place.”

A small thrill ignited behind her sternum, and Rey instantly recognized it as the Dark Side. Eyes wide, she looked to Kylo.

He shrugged. “Maybe today you embrace it. Maybe today we can try to use it for good.”

“I trust you, _Master Kylo.”_

His smile then was positively wicked. “I love the sound of that, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. There was a deadline looming like a Rathtar, and you know, paid writing gigs have to trump this sometimes. Even though it's totally not where my brain is at. Glad to be back in the GFFA.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux was on his way, Phasma and a dozen or so stormtroopers marching with him, and the Force was as dark and black as Mustafarian skies. 
> 
> Kylo took a deep breath and stole a glance at Rey. “Here’s hoping Phasma is still betting on us.”

 

**Kylo**

 

_Ben…_

They were in the lift, making the journey into the throne room, when Rey’s voice whispered into his mind. He turned to her.

_Maybe I’m getting my hopes up here, but please, I need honesty. You’re not going to attack the Resistance, and you and I are… whatever we are. What does it all mean? Can I trust that we are no longer enemies?_

Kylo reached down and took her hand in his, cursing that the gloves they were both wearing meant he couldn’t feel her skin. She was once again in his colors, black with a splash of red, but a more formal and practical outfit this time. She was wrapped in tight armorweave from head to toe, arms protected in the same pleating as his, legs and ass shapely in the form-fitting pants, chest protected by a plate of hardened leather. He’d almost wanted to put her in a cape for extra drama, just purely for the visual. Rey would have looked like an absolute queen ( _his_ queen) with a cape. But it was a step too far for a simple girl from Jakku. At least for now.

 _We are not enemies, you and I_ , he told her. _But it’s no less complicated than it was. I am still the leader of the First Order. You are still Resistance._

_What if I could change that? What if you could get away from all this?_

Kylo shook his head. _I’ve built this, Rey. This is everything I’ve been working for._

She gave his hand a gentle squeeze. _Then why aren’t you satisfied?_

The lift doors opened and they dropped hands and began to walk down the long corridor leading to the throne room.

He didn’t know how to explain the complications and all the emotions he felt, but it occurred to him that he didn’t have to. He stopped walking and she followed suit, turning to him with concern. Kylo didn’t speak; he simply lowered any semblance of a wall he had up, and welcomed her mind into his with a gentle nudge of the Force.

Rey emitted a soft gasp and shut her eyes, her eyelids moving subtly as if she were dreaming, taking in all his thoughts, memories, and worries. After a long moment, her eyes opened, and she stared at him. Kylo could feel everything she’d just seen being distilled down to one thought.

_I think she would want to see you. I think she’d give anything to have you with her again._

Kylo shook his head. _Even that is way more complicated than it seems. And I need the First Order._

 _You don’t know what you need._ At that, rage blossomed in Kylo’s chest and Rey stepped closer to him, placing a calming hand on his arm, almost in apology. _You said yourself, he’s been in your mind since you were a baby._

He wanted to argue, to say he knew his own mind, but the truth was, he didn’t. He’d never known himself without Snoke’s ideas in his head.

_Odds are, this meeting with Hux won’t go well._

Kylo gave her a small smile. _I’ve never paid much attention to odds._

 _No matter what, I have your back._ Her eyes were shining, happiness and trust radiating between them.

Because there were too many watchful eyes around them, Kylo sent an image to Rey’s mind: the two of them wrapped around each other, bodies naked and slick with sweat, her hands pulling at his hair.

Rey tugged at the neck of her armorweave tunic. “Yeah, I’d rather be doing that too. Time to go face the general, though?”

As he and Rey entered the throne room, the Knights snapped a salute, and Kylo signaled for them to be at ease, then waved them over. All five surrounded him and Rey, their masks revealing nothing but providing an almost welcome feeling of intimidation.

“Supreme Leader,” said one, voice menacing through the vocoder of his mask. Kylo turned to him, the biggest and strongest of his knights. “There has been...talk, while you were gone.”

Kylo nodded. “I’m sure I can guess what it was about, Rostam.”

Another knight, this one’s voice quieter even through the mask, stepped forward. “The general thinks you were behind Snoke’s murder. He has his doubts that the girl could have done it by herself.”

At this, Kylo smiled and looked at Rey. “She is strong, but perhaps not ‘kill all the praetorian guards and Snoke and render Kylo Ren unconscious’ strong.”

“I am so!”

Kylo’s smile only deepened. “You want to take the credit with Hux, Rey? He’s set on executing you anyway, and it might get him off my back.”

“No, I… wait, they know?” Rey asked, nodding toward his knights.

“They know. Rey, meet my friends, the Knights of Ren. This is Rostam Ren, he’s our muscle.” The biggest one moved forward, tipping his head slightly and offering his hand. Rey took it and shook.

“Jarek Ren. Anything you need to know about lightsaber forms, he can tell you,” Kylo said, and a tall knight moved forward to shake Rey’s hand. There were two sabers clipped to his belt.

“Dagny Ren. She’s the most brilliant of the knights.” Kylo could feel the surprise inside Rey as the only female knight moved forward at her introduction. The knights were muttering and Kylo held up a hand at them. “Save the grumbling, gentlemen, and just admit she’s our brightest. And our fastest. And this is Orvar Ren, he’s the best shot in the galaxy, besides Chewbacca, damn him.”

That knight that moved toward Rey had a frightening-looking blaster hanging on his back.

“Last is Usko Ren, the most powerful in the Force, besides myself of course,” Kylo said, winking at Usko. Usko pushed him with the Force playfully, and Kylo pushed back with a laugh.

“And this is Rey. The real reason why we’re free of Snoke.”

There was a cacophony of talking after that, praise for Rey and questions for her, and she turned to Kylo in confusion.

“When I told them the news, that Snoke was gone…” Kylo paused. “Rey, the knights and I don’t quite have a bond like you and I do, but we’ve known each other since we were children in Luke’s school. We know each other’s Force signatures like family. And these guys… They were the ones who came to my defense when Luke tried to attack. I can read them almost as well as I can read you. And besides confusion and a little fear, I mostly sensed relief. They’ve felt just as…”

“Manipulated? Controlled? Used?” the knights offered.

Kylo nodded. “All those things. So I was honest with them. I told them I was the one to put a saber through his middle, but that you were the reason I did it. At least a good portion of the reason, anyway.”

“So…” Rey began, looking at each of the Knights of Ren in turn. “Are you loyal to the First Order?”

It was Dagny who answered, her voice through the vocoder was sharp and stern. “As long as Kylo is at the helm. We have a higher purpose than war and colonization.”

Kylo sensed the fascination and curiosity pulsing in Rey as she asked, “And what is that purpose?”

“What I tried to tell you after I killed Snoke,” Kylo answered.

“Let the past die. Kill it if you have to.”

He smiled. “Yes, but mostly the other thing.”

“That it’s time to let go.”

“The Sith. The Jedi.”

“And the Rebels and the First Order? The last time we spoke of this, you wanted to rule.” He sensed her poking around in his mind, and she cocked her head at him. “Ah. You still do.”

“I do,” Kylo replied. “With you. I think we can bring order to the galaxy like no one else could even imagine.”

“Yes. Because we’re powerful, you and I,” she said, but with a note of derision that made him grimace. “Which means we can’t follow through with my plan. And we can’t restore balance to the Force.”

“Wait,” Usko said, a leather-gloved hand rising between them. “What plan?”

“We don’t have a plan yet. But Rey thinks she knows how the Force can be balanced,” Kylo said.  
“Well, not _how,_ precisely,” Rey said.

Kylo sighed. “We don’t have time for that now. Hux is on the way... “

In response, Jarek removed both of his sabers from his belt and ignited them. Red blades sprang to life from each, as red as Kylo’s, but far more stable. The others followed suit, all except for Orvar, who took up his gigantic blaster over his shoulder.

“Thank you,” Kylo said simply, smiling at them. He was looking at Orvar when the sound of another lightsaber igniting made him turn.

Rey stood in a fighting stance, saber blazing blue, her gaze determined. She gave him a little nod. “I told you I had your back.”

He could have kissed her, but thought better of it. He wasn’t quite ready to explain _that_ to the knights yet, and perish the thought of Hux walking in at that exact moment.

Kylo thanked them, and signaled for them to put away their weapons.

It was then that the Force shifted, and Kylo, his knights, and Rey all straightened as if of one mind.

Hux was on his way, Phasma and a dozen or so stormtroopers marching with him, and the Force was as dark and black as Mustafarian skies.

Kylo took a deep breath and stole a glance at Rey. “Here’s hoping Phasma is still betting on us.”

 

**Rey**

 

Rey tucked her lightsaber into its sheath under her tunic as the Knights of Ren did the same, and they took up their positions around the room. Again, Rey was reminded of that day with Snoke, fighting side by side and back to back with Ben. He’d been Ben, in those moments. She glanced at the throne. Kylo sat there, his face betraying no sense of the anxiety that she felt spiking in their bond. He looked… natural. Regal. At home, really. Having no place of her own in this room, Rey made to kneel at the bottom of the dais, that seemed the most fitting to her, but Kylo spoke to her through the bond.

_Rey, your place is with me._

Rey turned to him, surprised, and he gestured to the spot next to him. A thrill worked its way through her body in the form of a tremble, and she walked with shaking knees to stand at his right.

 _Darkness rises, and light to meet it,_ he said. _Maybe it’s not the balance the Force needs, but…_

 _Maybe it’s the balance we need,_ Rey finished for him. They had just enough time to exchange a knowing look before the throne room doors slid open grandly, and General Hux strode forward, Phasma next to him, the troopers in two neat lines behind them.

Kylo raised his head, and Rey felt in him a kind of strength and calm she hadn’t felt since the day he’d killed Snoke. It was, she realized, resolve.

“Ren.”

“Supreme Leader,” Kylo corrected, his voice like venom.

“If you’re done with your tantrums, and we could discuss the Resistance…”

“I do apologize for that. In my defense, I did take it easy on you. I hope med bay wasn’t too much trouble.”

Hux’s upper lip curled. “The Resistance, Ren.”

_“Supreme Leader.”_

“We need to wipe them out. If it’s your childish attachment to your mother that’s preventing you from doing what’s necessary, we could offer her the finest of prison cells for the remainder of her years, which I’m sure are few from the looks of her.” Spittle flew from Hux’s mouth as he talked, and the rage contained in his slight frame was making him shake.

“My mother,” Kylo began in the lowest register of his voice, “was a princess, General Hux. Twice over. She is the daughter of Darth Vader. And she is one of the most decorated generals in the New Republic. If your need to wipe out the pitiful remnant of the Resistance is due to some complex about your own mother? She was a kitchen worker, wasn’t she?”

At that, Hux flew toward the dais like a feral cat. Instinct took over a few precious seconds before Rey’s brain could catch up, and she drew her lightsaber with a sure hiss. The blue blade arced through the air and came to a stop a fraction of an inch in front of Hux’s nose.

“Not. Another. Step.”

Around the room, the Knights had also drawn their weapons, and in response, the stormtroopers lifted their blasters and took aim. Phasma’s arm was up, ready to give the signal to fire.

Hux paused and then lifted shaking hands in the air. Rey didn’t lower the saber. Kylo hadn’t moved.

“I see you have the junkrat fighting for you now,” Hux spat at Kylo, then he turned to Rey, and her stomach rolled looking at his watery, bloodshot eyes. “So what side are you on? Let me guess, you’re in love with him. You think you can change him? Bring him back to the light?”

Rey tried as hard as possible to keep the fierce expression on her face, even if Hux’s words were a little too close for comfort. She straightened her saber so it was level with his eyes.

Hux merely scoffed. “And what, you thought if you killed Snoke for him, he’d be free?” Hux gave a mirthless snort. “But of course, he’s not really free, is he? He took the throne. He nearly crushed the Resistance. He destroyed your master. And yet here you are, running back to him, still trying to get him to change.”

Hux glanced at Kylo, then back to Rey. “Can’t say I see the appeal. Doesn’t matter. Whatever you think you had with him, it’s over now. I’ve had enough mercy, enough delayed justice. It’s time you paid for the death of our former leader. Phasma?”

The chrome giant moved forward, shackles at the ready.

“Come quietly, Jedi, and we’ll make your death quick,” Hux said with a smile. “Very public, but quick.”

Rey moved her lightsaber, keeping it aimed at Hux, but poised to go through his neck and into Phasma if she kept moving forward.

“Fine,” Hux drawled. “Long and painful it is.”

“One more move and you all die,” Kylo said, and though his voice was low, it filled the chamber. He glanced at the Knights, and then to Rey. “Between us, we have enough strength in the Force to split all of you in two.”

It was Phasma who spoke next, igniting panic along the thread of Rey and Kylo’s bond. “Go ahead. There are thousands of stormtroopers aboard. You can’t go through us all. Mystical powers or not, you will eventually tire.”

 _Kylo…_ Rey glanced up at him, and Kylo’s eyes were on her, intense.

_I was wrong about her too. We’ll be okay, sweetheart. I promise. We’re strong, you and I. Stronger than they could possibly believe._

“She’s right, you know?” Hux said, blissfully unaware of the silent communication taking place. “You’re woefully outnumbered, even if you have your _special talents._ In fact, I’m weary of all of this. Let’s just execute her now. We can put her head on a pike. I hear that’s fashionable in some cultures. Let her be an example.”

“It’s my head you’ll have to take,” Kylo said, rising from his throne. “I’m the one who put a lightsaber through Snoke. Rey is innocent.”

Hux laughed. It echoed hollowly around the room. “Hardly. But point taken. Arrest them both.”

The Knights of Ren immediately surged forward and the stormtroopers unleashed with their blasters. The next few minutes were a solid blur of weapons clashing, but Rey would later be able to recall a few things. The first was that the familiar crackle of Kylo’s lightsaber was the most comforting sound in the galaxy, and she found her back against his, fighting in tandem once again. The second was that the Knights of Ren were the most capable fighters she’d ever seen. She could feel them using the Force to predict what the opponent would do next, and it was almost eerie to see how they moved together as if one mind. The last was that she was hit squarely, and at close range, by someone's blaster, though in the melee she couldn't tell who. It hit her shoulder, just above her heart, and as her body recoiled from the shot, she’d let go of her lightsaber. Captain Phasma retrieved it before Rey could summon it back into her hands, and she was too slow to use the Force like she should have to block Phasma’s attack. The giant wrenched Rey’s arms behind her back, and she found herself bound and tossed over Phasma’s shoulder, screaming for Kylo as the lying snake of a captain took her away from the fight.

The last thing Rey saw before she passed out from the pain of her wound was the throne room doors sliding shut, just as Kylo fell to his knees, bleeding.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Rey._
> 
> He whispered her name like a prayer across the Force and was met with nothing.

**Kylo**

Kylo awoke with a gulping breath and a gasp of, “Rey…”

“Shhh, Kylo. Stay still.” Usko’s voice registered somewhere in Kylo’s mind, which was murky and disoriented from loss of blood.

“Where is she?”

“We don’t know.” That was Dagny. “Lie back down. Usko’s working on your wounds.”

Kylo pushed Usko’s hands away from his stomach, taking no note of the blood that seemed to be everywhere. “Stop. Stop. All of you.”

Kylo finally found the clarity to look around himself. All of the Knights were there with him. All of them. All of them unmasked and disheveled, but not seriously injured. How had they escaped? Had Phasma been killed? And Hux? Had they won?

But there was no time to ask. He pleaded with his friends to stop fussing and closed his eyes, almost immediately falling into a deep, meditative trance. At least Luke had trained him well for this.

_Rey._

He whispered her name like a prayer across the Force and was met with nothing.

This time her name was a plea. _Rey!_

Again, there was no response, so Kylo sank deeper into the Force, testing all the energies around him: the light, the dark, the life, and the death.

Finally, _finally,_ he felt her signature. Faint, but still there, among the living.

Kylo’s eyes snapped open. “She’s alive, but only just. I have to get to her.”

“Supreme Leader,” said a gentle voice. Kylo turned toward the sound, and it was Orvar. Though his skills with a bowcaster often reminded him of Chewie, Orvar was on the opposite end of the spectrum from his adopted uncle in every way. Serious with almost no sense of humor, cautious, quiet, and small in stature for a man. His eyes betrayed a fair amount of sadness and regret, and Kylo could sense it ran deeply within him. “We failed you. I’m sorry.”

“Failed?” Kylo asked, and that’s when he finally understood where they were: in the strongest prison cell the _Supremacy_ had to offer, a room usually used for solitary confinement and strong Force users. A room that offered little light, and even less hope of escape.

“It didn’t take long for reinforcements to arrive. We were totally overpowered. They managed to somehow get Hux out untouched and Phasma…” Rostam shrugged his powerful shoulders. “She took Rey. Her execution has been set for tomorrow at dawn.”

“No. No, no, no.” Kylo was on his feet in a split second. Pain tore through his abdomen, and kriffing hell if it wasn’t nearly the same spot as the scar that was already there. He doubled over, his vision going slanty for a terrifying moment. Kylo couldn’t recall which blaster had hit him, but it seemed only fitting that perhaps it was Phasma’s.

Kylo swore violently.

“You have to let me heal you,” Usko said, voice as stern as a father’s.

“I have to get to her.”

“How?” Dagny asked, not unkindly.

“I don’t know. But I have to… I have to… Rey…”

The room spun, and Kylo’s world went black.

  


**Rey**

 

Rey drifted in and out of consciousness, with only a distant and hazy understanding of where she was, and the pain in her chest. When she dozed, she found herself on Ahch-To, with Luke, or back in the heat and dust of Jakku, with Unkar yelling in the background. But mostly, she found herself on Takodana, reading ancient texts or creating fire with Ben. Or, and she would later flush at exactly how often she’d dreamt it, she would see herself entwined with Ben in one of those comfortable nooks in Maz’s cantina.

_Ben…_

_Rey. Please wake. Please be all right._

The reply made Rey open her eyes and blink. She tried to sit up, but a burning pain ripped through her chest. A crinkling, splashing sound alerted her to the presence of a bacta suit.

“Stay still.”

Rey knew _that_ voice. She turned her head to Captain Phasma, who sat at her bedside, helmet-less.

“You traitorous, vicious…” Rey was so angry she couldn’t even finish the insult. “I should have known. Finn warned me about you. I was stupid to trust you were sincere.”

“FN-2187 was never the best soldier. More of a janitor, really,” Phasma said, voice as cool as it always was, maybe even a bit more icy. She turned her spectacular blue eyes to Rey. “Hush now. Save your strength.”

“Why?” Rey said, raising her right arm and gesturing toward the suit. “Why heal me just to execute me? And where are we?”

Phasma looked away, her face taking on an expression that almost looked… embarrassed. She seemed even more uncomfortable with her own reaction, as if she didn’t quite know how to arrange her face in the proper way.

“My quarters.”

Rey didn’t try to sit up, but looked around as much as she could. She seemed to be in a small apartment of sorts, much like Kylo’s rooms but, only one. Rey herself was in a soft bed, there was a small sitting area to her left that had a lovely view of the stars through a gigantic window, and a doorway straight ahead led to a ‘fresher.

“But… why?”

“Because this is the last place they’d look, and one of the few places I could acquire bacta without suspicion.”

Rey blinked at Phasma. “I must have hit my head hard when I fainted.”

“You didn’t faint until I was carrying you.” Phasma shrugged, another expression of emotion that seemed wholly against her personality. “It was TK-4934 who struck you. His marksmanship needs work. I’ll make it right.”

“But…” Rey said again. “Why? And where’s Ben? I know he’s okay, but his voice isn’t strong.”

The corner of Phasma’s mouth lifted. “Our Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren, is in a holding cell in the prison ward, along with the rest of the Knights of Ren.”

“And they’ll be executed too?”

“Not if I can help it.”

Rey sputtered. “I...what?”

Phasma stood, her boots heavy against the tiled floor. She ran a hand through her platinum hair, and Rey was again faced with how striking the woman was. Perhaps she had some other kind of creature’s blood running through her veins.

“I will be a general one day, Rey of Jakku. I’ll see to that.”

“And you _do_ believe Kylo will get you there. You believe in him.”

Phasma nodded. “I’ve seen what he can do with just his mind. I’ve heard all about his family, and how strong they were with the power you call the Force. Do you think… do you think I could use it, too?”

“I don’t know,” Rey said honestly. “I didn’t know I could use it until I had to face down Kylo myself. I always felt something inside me, but I didn’t know what it was. I could sense things others couldn’t. I had… luck, I guess. I was never afraid of falling, no matter how high I climbed, because I somehow knew I’d be able to stop myself from hitting the ground. Do you… do you feel anything like that?”

“I have better instincts than almost anyone I know. Even Hux and Kylo.”

“Then perhaps. Perhaps Kylo and I can show you, if we are not killed.”

Phasma met Rey’s eyes. “I won’t allow that. There’s a plan in place. Once you are well enough to move, I will get you and Kylo out of here. The Knights too. And then you will come back, Kylo will take back his position, and I’ll be made general.”

Rey followed her line of thought. “So… as of this moment, who is the Supreme Leader?”

Phasma’s smile then was cruel and satisfied, and looked much more comfortable on her face. “No one. There is a lot of unrest amongst the troops. They’ve never known life without a leader in the Force. And someone’s been planting rumors here and there about how incompetent and weak General Hux is. When Kylo Ren and his Knights manage to escape, those rumors will prove to be true. And when they come back to claim their rightful place, Kylo will show what a powerful leader he is. The work will practically be done for him. Won’t be much of a coup, really.”

Rey stared. “And how long have you had this plan?”

“Since yesterday. But I’ve planned on being general for years.”

Rey did not doubt that for a single second. “Can I see him? Kylo?”

“You must heal, and we must wait. He’s in a cell. It would look too suspicious.”

“And where does Hux think I am?”

“In a bacta tank, under strict lockdown.”

Rey almost didn’t want to know the answer to the next question. “And who’s really in the tank?”

“TK-4934.”

“Naturally.” Rey shut her eyes. Feeling cautiously optimistic, she was about to allow herself to go back to sleep when she recalled one of Finn’s stories. “Captain, how was it you survived that fall into fire? Finn said he pushed you over a ledge into an explosion.”

“Fire?” Phamsa scoffed. “After what I’ve been through, fire is nothing.”

Rey hummed, letting sleep take her. “I figured…”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo drew back and looked into Rey’s hazel eyes. “Maker, I thought…”
> 
> Rey nodded once. “I thought so too. And it made me realize…”
> 
> “Yes.” Kylo opened his mind to her and let all the things he couldn’t find the words to say come tumbling out.
> 
> Rey ran a hand through his hair, which was in a state that would have made Too-vee short circuit. “Me too. I don’t think I’d survive it. So I guess this means I can’t let you out of my sight ever again.”

**Kylo**

 

Kylo woke to the sound of the cell door sliding open and the buzz of a stormtrooper’s speech. 

“Up. All of you. You’re to follow us.” 

Kylo sat up, rubbing sleep out of his eyes and looking at his fellow knights in confusion. Rostam could barely keep his eyes open and Orvar and Jarek both squinted into the stormtroopers’ faces. Only Dagny and Usko looked awake and calm. 

As the leader, Kylo stood up and placed himself between the knights and the three troopers. “Why should we?”

“Because we can get you out of here, for starters,” said the trooper, the voice through the mask betraying only a slight sense of impatience. “And because we’re under strict orders from Phasma.”

Kylo cocked his head. “What?”

A second trooper spoke. “We’re to take you to your shuttle.” 

“More than take you. This needs to look real,” said the third trooper. His masked face turned toward Rostam. “I don’t suppose you could only make it look like you’re nearly killing us?”

Dagny, naturally, caught on before anyone else, even Kylo, whose brain hadn’t woken up yet. “We can put on a good show. But there are about thirty security checkpoints between here and Kylo’s shuttle.” 

“And if we’ve done our job by now, we should be in position to put on a good show at every one of them,” said the first trooper.

“Wait,” Kylo said, hand up. “Who is ‘we’?” 

“The First Order, Supreme Leader,” the trooper replied. “You, and Captain Phasma, anyway. The  _ real  _ First Order.”

“Not General Hux?” Kylo questioned, his dark brows scrunched together as he considered. 

“No, sir,” said another trooper, stepping up to speak. “You… you relieved us from Snoke. Hux never even stood up to him.”

“Hux is only interested in maintaining the status quo,” said the last trooper. “At least as far as it stands with us, the soldiers. And his and Snoke’s methods…”

Kylo nodded. “The methods they got from Hux’s father.”

“Yes, sir,” said a trooper. “Captain Phasma has better plans for us. Better training. And without Snoke, and under your leadership…”

Kylo started to understand, then, why the stormtroopers might be more loyal to him, and to Phasma as well: they were, somehow, the promise of change. Of better lives ahead. 

“What is it you’re hoping for?” he asked, and the troopers started listing things, things as simple as better food than vitamin slop and pills. Softer beds. More recreational time with their friends. Masks that weren’t so difficult to see out of. 

Kylo nearly laughed in relief. If only he’d known he could have overthrown Hux years ago after settling what was essentially a union dispute. 

“Very reasonable,” Kylo said. “And yes. I’d like to give you all those things. But if I’m leaving by shuttle, it sounds like you’re hoping I’ll run.”

Dagny put a hand on Kylo’s shoulder. “For a while. Then we come back and take over. With a little help from the stormtroopers and Phasma. Am I guessing wrong?”

“No, ma’am,” the troopers said in unison. 

Kylo felt a strange surge of something he hadn’t felt for a while: hope. “If things go according to plan, she most certainly deserves to be general. But Rey. Where is Rey?” 

Kylo could have sworn the trooper who answered was smiling. “You’re going to have to break her out of a bacta tank, sir. I’m sure it will look very impressive, leaving all that wreckage behind.”

It was time for Kylo to smile. “And where is she really?”

“Already on board the shuttle, sir,” came the reply. “Waiting for you.”

 

***

 

Making it to the shuttle wasn’t easy, but it was certainly what could have passed for fun. 

By a quick estimate, Kylo figured that the  _ Supremacy  _ would need at least ten new doors, a handful of new tech consoles, and no less than fifty new suits of stormtrooper armor. By far, though, the most fun was the bacta tank. After removing a hapless and clueless stormtrooper (TK-4934, Kylo committed the number to memory), he’d sent it sailing around the med bay like a ricocheting bouncy ball. Then he and the Knights had hacked it to pieces with their lightsabers, which had graciously been returned to them moments before by way of a fake standoff with the prison guards. 

The depths of the troopers’ loyalty to Phasma were impressive. The depths of their loyalty to him were unfathomable. All they wanted, it seemed, was a better life, one that Kylo vowed to give them when he could. A small price indeed for his life, for Rey’s, and for an army. 

The shootout in the hangar was the most dramatic of all of their battles, and though he had his saber out, he depended mostly on the Force to throw his “opponents” out of the way, trusting their armor to absorb the impact. The giant door to the galaxy beyond opened for them, and Kylo didn’t know which stars to thank for whoever worked around the security codes. Then he and the Knights were up the ramp and into his shuttle. 

And Rey. Rey was sitting in the co-pilot’s seat, radiant and calm as Chandrilan skies. 

Overcome, he went to her, hitting his knees in front of her. Her arms wound around his neck. 

“Are you okay?”

She chuckled. “Just a scratch. Phasma had me in bacta within minutes.”

“She’s…” Kylo breathed.

“She’s a general. Your general. She might actually be a goddess.” 

Kylo drew back and looked into Rey’s hazel eyes. “Maker, I thought…”

Rey nodded once. “I thought so too. And it made me realize…”

“Yes.” Kylo opened his mind to her and let all the things he couldn’t find the words to say come tumbling out. 

Rey ran a hand through his hair, which was in a state that would have made Too-vee short circuit. “Me too. I don’t think I’d survive it. So I guess this means I can’t let you out of my sight ever again.”

Kylo laughed, and then stretched up as she leaned down, their mouths meeting with gratitude and a whispered, “Ben.”

Behind them, Dagny cleared her throat. “I’d love to let this precious little moment go on but I think we need to get out of here. They can only pretend to try to stop us for so long.”

Kylo pulled away from Rey with considerable regret and turned to his knights, who displayed various emotions ranging from complete lack of surprise to downright boredom. “Really? Not one of you is shocked that I just kissed our mortal enemy?” 

Orvar let out a gruff laugh. “I’m shocked she kissed you back.”

Rey giggled, and Kylo shot her a look that made her bite her lip. He sighed. “Right. Time to go then. Any idea  _ where _ to go?”

“I have one,” Rey said, turning in her chair to start take off procedures. “But first, I have to warn Leia.”

Cold panic seized Kylo. “No. I can’t. She won’t—”

Rey was busy as Kylo remained motionless, getting the shuttle off the ground and clear of the hangar. “We’re not going to her, but I need to get somewhere safe to send her a signal. The first thing Hux is going to do, besides send his best assassins after us, is blow up the rest of the Resistance. Strap in.”

“Rey,” Kylo began, his voice soft and filled with pity. “I can’t. If I help the Resistance, even the most loyal members of the First Order can’t look past that.”

“You don’t have to be part of it,” Rey said, her voice taking on coldness that made Kylo wince. “But I’m not going to let anything happen to Leia. She needs someone to look after her if you won’t.”

That stung. “She’s blocked me, Rey.”

“Yes, after you killed her husband and pointed every gun you had at her brother. I think she’s quite justified in not trusting you anymore. But that doesn’t mean she’s stopped loving you.” Rey reached over and grabbed the lever that Kylo was supposed to be using, the one that would send them into hyperspace. “Now help or get out of the way. I’m sure your knights are perfectly capable of copiloting.” 

Kylo put his hand over Rey’s on the lever. For a moment, they locked eyes and he sent a surge of his emotions at her: pain, fear, self-loathing, and regret. The biggest was regret. 

“I know,” Rey said to him. “But it’s time to face it. It’s time for the reckoning.” 

Kylo closed his eyes. Rey was right. One way or another, he would have to pay the piper for what he’d done. It was time to stop running and accept it, just as he’d finally accepted who Snoke was, and what Snoke had done to him, and what he’d have to do to be free of that horrible man. 

Kylo’s mouth lifted to one side. “You’re being very bossy, you know.  _ I’m  _ the Supreme Leader. Master Kylo.”

Rey shrugged, smirking. “Phasma and I talked a lot while I was healing. She’s rubbing off on me.”

“I was afraid of that,” Kylo said. And then, Rey’s hand under his, he pulled down the lever and sent the shuttle soaring into the stars. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been in an absolute trance lately with these characters talking so loudly! Sorry if this seems too short. I've written a lot lately and this was the way that made most sense to post.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “This must have felt like paradise after Jakku,” he said. He glanced toward the horizon. Waves crashed onto the rocks below them with a thundering lull. “Water. Green everywhere. A cool breeze. It’s beautiful.”
> 
> “It is, but it’s harsh. The winds come out of nowhere, and the storms are incredibly powerful.” Rey thought, not for the first time, that the whole island was like Kylo Ren: moody, unpredictable, strangely beautiful, and brimming with a barely contained energy.
> 
> And Rey was surprised to find herself realizing that, just like the island, she’d never want to see him tamed. It would lose something, and so would he.

  


**Rey**

 

She watched Kylo lean back in his seat, and the brief grimace that marred his features.

_You’re still hurt. You need bacta._

His eye twitched slightly. _Usko did his best, but healing was never a priority for us. Besides, it was nearly in the same place as… well, where Chewie hit me._

There was a long pause, as Rey wasn’t sure what to say in return.

_I should have let it kill me._

Rey turned sharply to him. _Don’t. Please don’t say that again._

Kylo seemed to want to argue, but then he sighed. _So where are we going?_

_Ahch-To._

_I should have known._

Rey smiled to herself, then she glanced back at the knights. They were spread out in various places around the shuttle, dozing. _They seem… nice._

_Closest thing I have to friends. Comrades, really. I’ve known most of them since I was a child._

_So they knew you as Ben?_

Kylo nodded. _And they’ve seen what I’ve become. And why. And…_

Rey reached over and laid a hand on his arm. _And they see that you’re still Ben._

 _They’re good,_ Kylo said in answer. _They have their own reasons for choosing to become Knights of Ren. For helping me. For serving Snoke. For not wanting to be Jedi, or Sith._

_And they believed you when you told them about Luke._

_Yes. That was when I knew I could always trust them. They believed me, more than they believed the old legends of an untouchable hero._

Rey took a deep breath. She believed Kylo, inasmuch as she believed what he thought he’d seen that fateful night. But she also believed Luke wouldn’t have gone through with it, and knew the regret and sadness that had he’d kept in his heart.

Beside her, Kylo snorted. _Regret. Luke can’t even begin to fathom what I live with._

Rey didn’t know how to respond to that, either. Instead, she checked the shuttle’s controls and gauges with interest, while he stewed in his own regrets for a while. Finally, she spoke to him, using her voice and not the bond.

“Why don’t you sleep? We have at least an hour until we reach Ahch-To, and you can’t have slept well last night.”

“No, I didn’t. Too much pain. Too worried.”

“Kylo,” Rey said, turning her whole body to face him. “That moment, yesterday, when Phasma was taking me away from the fight and I saw you fall…”

“You don’t have to say any more,” Kylo said. “We talked about it earlier. At least, talked about it in the way we do.”

Rey smiled at the intimacy of the phrase, “the way we do.” They had something so unique, more unique than anything in the galaxy. Which was why she felt what she’d felt yesterday, when she was sure she’d never see him again.

“It was more than that, though. More than knowing it would…” she paused, feeling a horrid blush creep over her face. “More than knowing it would hurt to lose you. I felt something deeper. Like I’d be losing part of myself. And I suppose, in a way, I would be. But there was even more. I’m not sure I can describe it.”

Kylo stared out at the fleeting streaks of stars. “Maybe it was what I felt.”

“Which was?”

“That if you died, I would no longer want to live.”

Rey let her head drop back against the seat. “That was exactly it. Kylo…what do we do? We’re on opposite sides of this war.”

“Rey, even if we weren’t, what would we do?”

Somehow, it was even more important phrased that way. Rey couldn’t answer, and the shuttle hummed along, filling the silence between them. Then, ever so slowly, Kylo dragged his gaze to hers and she saw—and _felt—_ what he was feeling.

He was terrified.

 

***

 

The shuttle glided to an awe-inducing stop on one of the few flat areas of Ahch-To, and Kylo and the knights woke with some groaning and grumbling. After shutting down the engine and lowering the ramp, the tired group stumbled into the gray and green of the island. Somewhere off to the right, a porg squealed, and Rey didn’t fight the smile that turned up her mouth.

It wasn’t the exact spot where she’d landed the Falcon when she’d come to seek out the great Luke Skywalker, Jedi Master, but it was close. She glanced at Kylo and indicated which way to go with a slight jerk of her head.

Kylo squinted up at the staircase a few paces away, and Rey followed his gaze, remembering the first time she’d taken them. Luke had been at the top, almost like he was expecting her. Perhaps he had been.

Kylo hummed, and she thought he was going to remark on the steepness of the stairs, or make some disparaging comment about the crumbling buildings Luke had called home, but instead, he turned to her with a soft expression.

“This must have felt like paradise after Jakku,” he said. He glanced toward the horizon. Waves crashed onto the rocks below them with a thundering lull. “Water. Green everywhere. A cool breeze. It’s beautiful.”

“It is, but it’s harsh. The winds come out of nowhere, and the storms are incredibly powerful.” Rey thought, not for the first time, that the whole island was like Kylo Ren: moody, unpredictable, strangely beautiful, and brimming with a barely contained energy.

And Rey was surprised to find herself realizing that, just like the island, she’d never want to see him tamed. It would lose something, and so would he.

Kylo was gesturing to the knights, bidding them to follow, and Rey took the opportunity to study them, Dagny in particular. She’d never imagined that one of the Knights of Ren would be a woman, and it made Rey incredibly curious about her. Kylo had very few women around him that knew him, that saw under the mask, and knowing she wasn’t the only one who saw him that way made something within Rey twist up sharply.

Dagny was taller than Rey but nowhere near as tall as Phasma, though she seemed just as strong. With her dark, short hair and large brown eyes she actually looked like she could be Kylo’s sister. And her face was more handsome than pretty, Rey decided with a tiny bit of satisfaction. Until a few months ago (when Kylo Ren took off his helmet and she’d found herself rather pleased with the way he looked, to be precise) Rey hadn’t cared a single bit what she looked like. In fact, she wished for ugliness, mostly. Ugliness kept Unkar and the rest of the lowlives less interested. But Finn had told her more than once, and surprisingly, Poe Dameron had said the same: Rey was pretty.

Once, when she’d been flooded with grief all over again for Luke and Han and the parents she would never know, Leia had comforted her by weaving her hair into braids. It had been so lovely for someone to care for her like that, to touch her hair with such gentle reverence, and when she looked in the mirror after, she finally saw what Finn had seen so clearly since the first time they’d met.

“Not just pretty.”

“What?” Rey jerked out of her thoughts. Kylo was looking at her, smiling in a sort of goofy way.

“Not just pretty. Gorgeous. And you have nothing to worry about there.” Kylo’s gaze drifted toward Dagny, then back to Rey. “Not since we were about twelve, anyway. And certainly never again.”

Rey blushed to the tips of her toes, and slipped her hand into his. They led the small, exhausted group up the winding stairs. They climbed and climbed, and she focused on her breathing and on counting the stairs. One-hundred and four, if she remembered correctly, and most of them deep. Her calves burned but her breath was steady, unphased. She couldn’t say the same for Kylo.

“I don’t suppose you get much exercise in First Order dungeons.”

“We do value comfort,” Kylo mused. “But then, I haven’t had a sparring partner that could challenge me in a while. Right Jarek? And now that he’s back from his assignment, there will be no excuses.”

“None. Just let me know when you’d like me to kick your ass,” the tall knight quipped.

Kylo said nothing, but Rey saw him raise his free hand and flick his fingers. Behind them, Jarek tripped and caught himself just before hitting the ground.

“Cheap tricks because your swordsmanship is so clumsy.”

“Nonsense, I just play to my strengths,” Kylo replied in a casual way that sounded remarkably like his father. “So, what’s the plan?”

They’d nearly reached the huts, and as they came up the last few steps, Rey searched Kylo’s mind for disappointment, surprise, or disdain, and found nothing of the sort. But she did catch the moment when he recognized one hut in particular.

“The plan is for everyone to rest while I try to reach General Organa.”

Though Kylo’s eyes remained impassive as he stared ahead at the huts, Rey felt the struggle within him to remain so. “And warn her. What else will you tell her?”

“I have no idea. How does, ‘Hi, Leia, I’ve been making out with your son’ sound?”

Kylo choked on something invisible.

Rey smirked. “How about I tell her I was captured, found a way out, and I’m still seeking help with my assignment?”

Kylo regained himself with some difficulty. “No mention of me. No mention of our… somewhat uncertain alliance?”

Rey’s stare was cold. “I’d say some of it is certain, wouldn’t you?” Before Kylo could stutter out an answer, she rolled her eyes and continued. “But yes. No mention of you directly. Let me get a feel for what she’s thinking. You can be there if you want. Out of sight. If she even answers.”

“She will.”

“How can you be sure?”

Kylo squeezed Rey’s hand. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pried, but you were so lost in your thoughts.” Kylo bit his lip. “Those were Alderaanian mourning braids she put in your hair, Rey. Her home planet, her tradition, to help you grieve her own loved ones. You’re family to her.”

Kylo’s face blurred as Rey’s eyes filled with tears. She was so happy to hear those words, she’d been longing to hear words like that ever since she could remember, to feel that sense of belonging. But underneath, she felt his pain. His sense of loss, of being an outsider, his loneliness.

“Ben, I’m sorry.”

He let go of her hand and held his own up to stop her from talking. “How are you going to contact her?”

Rey winced. “Well, there was only one ship she would trust a signal from. A freighter, really…”

Kylo’s face dropped. “No…”

He walked to the edge of the rock, where it looked like there was a long drop into the sea, but there wasn’t. Down below there was another outcropping, and on that ledge sat the _Millennium Falcon._ Kylo stared downward, his anger vibrating through the Force all around them, the knights exchanging apprehensive looks while his back was turned.

“Leia asked Chewie to leave it here for me,” Rey hurried to explain. “When I got back to it, they’d assume I was safe. I mean, I’ve been flying it since…”

“Since I murdered Han Solo. And of course you should be flying it. A day with you and he wanted you to co-pilot,” Kylo said, his rage twisting his equine features. “You did great with it on Crait, by the way. Stellar flying. No wonder he offered you a job. And Chewie helps you now? I used to call him Uncle Chewie. Did you know that? Good that he loves you, too. And my mother braids your hair and worries about you getting home safely. And Poe Dameron thinks you’re pretty.”

“Ben…” Rey pleaded.

“It’s Kylo now. Everyone else knows it, Rey. Clearly.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that!” The Force pulsed, and Kylo straightened, forcing himself to take slow breaths. Then, after a long, horrible moment, Kylo turned and left, making his way down the staircase in the opposite direction of the _Falcon._

Rey started after him, calling out his name, but then a large but gentle hand pulled her back. Jarek shook his head. “Let him go. Let him cut some rocks in half. He’ll settle down.”

Rey nodded, but she was close to tears and she turned away from Jarek and the rest of the knights, and went toward Han Solo’s freighter. Her freighter now, she supposed.

And that was just it, wasn’t it? She had everything the young Ben Solo had ever wanted.

 

***

 

“Come on, Leia,” Rey breathed as she sent out the signal again, after two unsuccessful tries. As the red light flashed, the machines trying to establish a connection, Rey braced herself for disappointment. Braids or not, Leia had people to protect. Rey’s bond with her son, and the feelings that came out of it, put everything Leia had built at risk.

Suddenly a handsome, familiar face lit up the holo.

“Poe!”

“Rey! Are you okay? Are you safe?”

“I’m fine. But I need to talk to Leia. It’s urgent.”

Poe’s face slackened with concern, and even the fuzzy projection revealed the curiosity in his eyes. “I’ll get her. It’s good to see your face, Rey. We’ve missed you. All of us. Beebee-Ate especially. Okay, well, and Finn especially. Rose is trying her damnedest, but…”

“I miss you, too. All of you. More than I can say.” Rey paused. “She didn’t want to answer first, did she? She wanted a buffer.”

Poe looked down. “She, uh… well, there are a few reasons for that.”

“So you know?”

“About your bond with the Supreme Leader of the First Order? Yeah. We’re all a little freaked out over here. But we all still love you.”

Rey’s chest felt like it could have cracked open from the relief. “Go get her, Poe. Everything’s fine. It’s still me.”

Poe disappeared and, surprisingly, the whole area around him looked devoid of people. It wasn’t like the Resistance was big anymore, but still. They liked to do things in groups. It was weird to see no one around.

Then, without fanfare, Leia appeared. Her smile was a little strained.

“General Organa. Are you still on Chandrila?”

Leia nodded. “I’m assuming the First Order knows? And you know because…”

Rey hesitated, and then made a decision that she knew would alter her life and standing with her adopted family. “I was present at the meeting where General Hux stated his intention to blow up the rest of the Resistance.”

“I see.” Leia stared at her through the lightyears. “And were you really there, or just listening through my son’s ears?”

“I was actually there. I was captured on Takodana while trying to recover the Sith texts. It’s a long story, General, but I escaped. With Ben’s help. At the moment he is no longer the Supreme Leader and Hux is in charge, and I believe Hux will still attack. Maybe especially now that Ben isn’t standing in the way.”

Leia seemed to take this information in stride, though Rey knew she was logging it away, mining it for all the things Rey hadn’t said explicitly. “They attack us here and they’ll experience retaliation like they’ve never seen before. This was my home for years.”

“Yes, but… they’ll still have wiped you out.” Rey shook her head. “Ben ordered Hux to stand down, but without him as Supreme Leader now, I’m certain Hux will do everything he can to make sure the Resistance is completely snuffed out.”

For a moment, Leia was so still that Rey almost reset the comm, thinking it had frozen, but then the general spoke, quietly. “How is he, Rey?”

“Tortured,” Rey said first, on instinct more than thought. “But he’s so kind in some ways, Leia. So caring. But his pain makes him angry and cold.”

“He always felt too much, my son. Highs and lows and nothing level between.”

“He says you’ve blocked him, in the Force.”

Leia pinched the bridge of her nose. “Yes, well. It was necessary. And far past time.”

“I can understand that, but he’s good, Leia. There’s so much good in him.”

“There is, sweetheart. There is. But it’s never been about what’s inside him, dear girl. It’s always been about what he chooses to show.”

“I won’t give up on him,” Rey said, voice strong with conviction. “I can’t.”

“I know. Your heart is so big, Rey, but so easily bruised. You’re like him that way.” Leia sighed. “I just hope you realize that this is not going to go the way you think.”

Rey smiled sadly. “You sound like your brother.”

“My brother was wrong about a lot, but not this.” Leia smiled at her. “Ben’s choices speak for themselves. I know you care for him, and the depth of that caring frightens me some. Don’t let him destroy you. In any way.”

“Leia, if I could bring him to you. If I could get him to abandon the First Order…”

“If wishes were stars, we’d all walk in the light.” Leia moved to shut off the comm. “I think it would probably be best to move the fleet. I’ve lost too many already, and the support here is secured. Contact us again from the _Falcon_ when you’re safe.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Rey said, a soldier again instead of a daughter in a daydream, and then Leia was gone.

She still had Leia, and apparently Poe and Finn. And she hoped she still had Kylo. But she felt utterly alone.

  



	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was beautiful, yes, in that way that threw her for a loop no matter how much she prepared herself, but now as he spoke her name like a song, there was something different about him. Something more.
> 
> It was light. All-encompassing and pure. And it was then that Rey realized the source of the light, why it was so strong, why Kylo Ren was radiating it: love. He loved her, and it was stronger than anything he’d ever felt before. Stronger than the hurt and the anger and the disappointment. She felt how shaken he was by it, how foreign it was to him, but also the longing inside him that he would not—could not—stop. Her light called to his, and his to hers, and their lips met with the light colliding between them, two stars burning up as they touched.

**Kylo**

 

He’d chosen the hut where he felt his uncle’s presence the most sharply; why, he couldn’t say, but he was regretting the decision more with each passing minute.

As night fell on Ahch-To, he reached for sleep, finding it a hair’s width from his grasp each time. As always, his mind circled around the things he wanted most to ignore in an endless loop. Even his grandmother, Padme, joined the cycle on occasion. Images flipped through his mind as if in a carousel: his mother’s face, Snoke pushing pain on him, Han falling, the stain of blood from so many Jedi students on his hands, the Knights surrounding him, then Rey. At least thoughts of Rey were some respite, until his own failings and vast self-doubt reminded him that he would fail her, too, in the end. If not today, then tomorrow.

He’d already he failed her today, he supposed. His temper had crescendoed beyond his control momentarily. It had been seeing that awful pile of metal, that piece of junk, sitting there on the side of the hill. Obviously hers. So very obviously not his.

Perhaps she would forgive him. She seemed to forgive most of his faults, by some miracle he didn’t deserve.

Finally, after some deep meditation, he managed to drift off and found himself in the throne room. Not his, but Snoke’s. The wrinkled creature stared down at him as he knelt, laughter mocking him, as a familiar mix of shame and righteous anger filled him.

_The great Kylo Ren. So fierce. So evil. So...in love._

The mocking laughter came again, this time from a chorus of voices instead of just one. Hux was there, and Poe Dameron and FN-2187, blood smeared on his helmet. His parents were also there, looking as stern as he had the day they’d decided he was a problem for Luke. Not laughing with the others, just… done. Done with him. Relieved to wash their hands of him.

The laughter rose, as if these dream images were feeding off his revulsion, the colors in the scene shifting to gray and black and red. And then, cutting through the murky darkness and ear-splitting sound, was Rey.

His gorgeous Rey. Even the colors of his dreams changed when he dreamt of her. Cool bright blues of the sky, sweet yellows and pinks, rich purple, fresh green. And white. Blinding, pure white. He said her name, a reverent whisper, and she smiled at him. Her smile was genuine, familiar, like it was something she’d done in his presence a million times.

_Wake up, Ben. I’m here._

_Really here?_

Dream Rey smiled at him. _Open your eyes._

And he did. The real Rey was sitting by his side, in the small nest his curled up body made.

“I wanted to repay the favor. I could tell your dream was upsetting.”

Kylo rolled slightly, so that he was on his back. He took her hand. “Thank you. I’m not sure I deserve your kindness right now, though. About earlier…”

“I think it’s very natural to have some resentment, even anger, at how close I am to the people who should have been close to you.”

It wasn’t absolution, but it was understanding, and that was somehow better in that moment.

“Thank you,” Kylo whispered, and Rey nodded once. “Have you slept? You have to be exhausted.”

“I’m exhausted, but I’m not sleepy.”

Kylo reached out and traced her brow, his thumb sloping down and coming to rest near her chin. He could sense her apprehension, her disappointment, and something that teetered on hopelessness, which was new for his scavenger. “What did my mother say? Show me.”

Rey reached up and wrapped her hand around his wrist. “I should warn you, before you look, she wasn’t—”

Kylo hushed Rey gently. “I promise you, it’s not going to be anything worse than what’s played out in my head a million times.”

Rey inhaled, then nodded her consent and closed her eyes. Kylo felt himself drift into her thoughts and memories, replaying the whole transmission to Chandrila, grimacing only briefly at the flash of Dameron’s face.

His mother looked a lot older than the picture of her he always held in his memory. She seemed beaten down as well but, he noted, not beaten.

As the memory ended, he pulled out of Rey’s mind. She was staring at him, eyes glistening. “It’s not that she doesn’t love you.”

“No, but she knows who I am now. What I’ve become. She’s right to have written me off.”

“She’s not,” Rey said, shaking her head. “You’re good, Ben. I wasn’t just saying that.”

“It’s Kylo now,” he said, but there was no bite in it.

“I don’t know if that’s true. I see Ben more and more, every time I look at you.”

“You know, it just doesn’t matter. Ben. Kylo.” Kylo turned his face into the roughly hewn blanket that he was using as a pillow. Luke must have made it. “No matter who I am, I have never been _enough._ ”

“That’s not true.”

“It is,” he mumbled into the blanket. “Even as a baby, Rey. I was never _good_ enough for my mother, there was never enough light in me. I could see the fear in her eyes every time I used the Force, like she didn’t know whether I was going to use it for good or not. I was never tough enough for my father, always too timid at the controls, always too into my books and studying, and then when my anger started to surface and I got really good at using the Force, he couldn’t understand me then, either. So they sent me away and nothing, _nothing_ was ever enough for Luke. Never fast enough, never humble enough, never confident enough, never strong enough, never smart enough. But when I got strong… I never had enough control. There there was Snoke. I was too conflicted, too weak. Too light. And you.”

“Me?” Rey asked, voice panicked.

“I’m never going to be enough for you, Rey.”

“No. No.” Rey stroked his cheek with the back of her fingers and made him turn his gaze upward to hers. “Ben Solo, you are more than enough for me.”

“Don’t,” he murmured, but as he did, he felt her open her mind to him again and saw something there that he never thought he’d see in anyone. He saw himself, from her point of view. He saw a face that was odd but somehow attractive at the same time, the softness in his eyes as he looked at her, the hope she felt stirring in her chest when he smiled, and not just for him to come all the way back to the light, no… the hope for so many other things. A partner, a companion, a lover, a husband…

Kylo’s breath hitched at that, but he didn’t let the surprise stop him from sifting through her thoughts.

Someone to grow old with, a father to dark-headed, stubborn children. He saw in himself the home she longed for, a family. He saw completion.

He sat up, took her face in his hands. “Oh, Rey.”

“I don’t know how it happened so fast. Perhaps because you are the only one who understands me so deeply. Perhaps because the bond threw us forward. But somehow, in the short time I’ve known you, the whole galaxy has shrunk down to you. You’re not just enough for me, Ben, you’re _everything_.”

Kylo shook his head and damned if his eyes weren’t filling. “I can’t be, Rey. What you see, that’s not me. The things I’ve done…”

“Let the past die,” Rey said, voice strong. “To me, it’s about what you’re doing now, who you’re turning into. Prove your mother wrong. Prove everyone wrong. Start now.”

Kylo squeezed his eyes shut, clearing out the saline. When he opened them again, all he could see was Rey and the dazzling white of the Force that always seemed to light her from within. “You really believe this? That I can be your everything?”

Rey didn’t answer. Her expression had turned sad.

“What?”

“I’m not sure how to convince you, if you don’t even trust seeing inside my mind.”

Something bubbled up inside Kylo, and he realized with abject horror that it was a sob. “I’m sorry. It’s not your fault, I just…”

“You need to get used to someone seeing the best in you.” Rey leaned forward and kissed him, chastely but intensely. “I’ll be that someone until everyone else catches on.”

“Oh Rey. Rey, Rey, Rey…”

The joy that filled Kylo overpowered all his doubts and insecurities for a moment, and he let Rey and all that glorious light pull him in.

 

**Rey**

 

He was chanting her name like a spell, and maybe it was, because somehow things were _changing._

Rey couldn’t really remember what life had been like before she happened upon BB-8 and the trajectory of her dreams changed so dramatically. But moreover, she couldn’t remember how it felt to _not_ know that Kylo Ren was beautiful. The moment he slipped the mask off and revealed himself was the moment Rey knew she was lost. On some level, it had been her undoing; that she would fight for him, at the most painful cost if needed. Every time she saw his face there was that initial surprise and the inevitable gasp or sigh that followed it, like the silly scavenger girls who flirted with Unkar to get more rations. Maker, she’d even felt his pull after watching him murder his own father, after charging at Finn with an intent to kill. She’d wanted to leap across the cracked earth and be with him, on his side.

And yes, she pushed that away, tamped it down, kept it a secret even from herself at times, but it was always there. Always brought her shame. But now that she was free to feel it, free to look at him all she wanted…

He was beautiful, yes, in that way that threw her for a loop no matter how much she prepared herself, but now as he spoke her name like a song, there was something different about him. Something more.

It was light. All-encompassing and pure. And it was then that Rey realized the source of the light, why it was so strong, why Kylo Ren was radiating it: love. He loved her, and it was stronger than anything he’d ever felt before. Stronger than the hurt and the anger and the disappointment. She felt how shaken he was by it, how foreign it was to him, but also the longing inside him that he would not—could not—stop. Her light called to his, and his to hers, and their lips met with the light colliding between them, two stars burning up as they touched.

Rey was only slightly aware that they’d fallen back into the minimal cushioning of the bed, so wrapped up was she in him, and in the light. The light, this _feeling_ , was just as necessary to her now as air, just as mysterious and beautiful as water, just as comforting as the smell of earth, and as hot as fire. And as she opened her mouth to him, greeting his tongue with her own, and his weight pressed down over her, she knew she had to have _him_ , too. All of him.

He was still chanting her name but now through their bond. Short bursts of gratitude and desire. Her own desire built too, echoing his, needing more of his touch. As soon as she thought it, she had it. He was suddenly everywhere all at once. On the soft skin of her belly, on the ticklish parts of her neck, on the flaming parts of her arms, and the sensitive folds between her legs.

She pulled away in surprise stared at him, confused. He looked at her with eyes half closed, panting.

_I’m sorry. Maker, I’m sorry. My self-control… no. No excuses. I’m sorry._

Rey licked her lips. _No, I just… that was the Force, right? Or do you really just have this effect on me naturally?_

To her surprise, Kylo dropped his head to her shoulder and laughed breathlessly. _Yes, sweetheart._ That _was the Force._

_Just making sure. I’ve never…_

_I can go slower._

_Please don’t._

Kylo laughed again, voice thick with want, and then that mysterious touch was back. When she told him not to stop this time, it was with her voice.

He covered her mouth with his as she started to say his name. “No, call me Ben. Please.”

“Ben,” she sighed, her mouth seeking his again, and the intensity of his touch built. Rey felt herself slipping too quickly towards something, a precipice of pleasure that she would fall over, and stopping it would have been like trying to hold back a conveyex.  

Then, Ben’s hand was on her forehead, a thumb smoothing over a crease. “Let me in, Rey. Let me hear what you want.”

She hadn’t even realized she’d pushed him out of her mind. She quickly assessed herself. She wasn’t scared; she was just nervous, and embarrassed at how badly she wanted him. Rey took a steadying breath and opened her mind to his.

Ben smiled against her mouth. _Are you sure?_

_Yes. SO sure. And I want to do this to you._

His hand was on her forehead again. _Listen to my body. Feel what I feel. Follow the blood and the heat._

“Oh, Maker,” Rey said, and slipped her hands under the folds of his clothes, removing them bit by bit. He was doing the same for her but it barely registered. She was too busy experiencing what she was doing to him, riding his high as well as her own, the intense pleasure and the struggle to hold himself back. She could feel that same build in him, the peak not far off, the blaze of light and fire within them both. She sent mildly cooling thoughts to both of them, making their blood slow up and making him chuckle again.

_As I said, no self-control._

_I’m right there with you. Force, I need you._

_Rey, you’re sure? You’re… ready?_

Rey held his gaze and said yes, with her voice, with her body, and through the bond. When he slid into her, as slowly as he could force himself to go, the light filled them, enveloped them, and she knew she was going to jump off that precipice much faster than she wanted to.

 _Let yourself go,_ Ben said as he started to move, slowly and gently. _Let me see you let go, Rey. Then I’ll get you there again. And again. Just let go._

And she did, the light bursting inside of her like a comet.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ve definitely done nothing to deserve this. You.” His dark brown eyes met hers. “You say you feel like you’ve always known me, somehow. You dreamed of me and I dreamed of you. Rey, I don’t think I’ve been feeling a pull to the light, I think I’ve been feeling a pull to you.”

**Ben**

 

As amazing as the Force was, Ben found he much preferred doing things himself, as far as Rey was concerned. Much better to feel her under his hands or lips or tongue than to miss the feel of her. The taste of her.

And Maker, the taste of her.

The night was long, slow but sometimes frenzied. She had an appetite he hoped to feed but never truly quench, an appetite just awakened. He felt no small amount of pride that it had awakened for him.

When they finally slept, bodies wrapped around each other and minds still linked, it was the sleep of the dead. He’d had no dreams, nothing but the sense of safety and deep satisfaction. He awoke more refreshed than he’d ever felt, but alone.

He rolled to his side. Rey’s clothing was gone and so was her lightsaber, but he could sense that she was close by. Disappointed that he hadn’t woken with her in his arms, he blew out a breath and stood to put on his clothes.

He glanced over at the hard bed, nothing more than a cot really, and winced. She’d told him repeatedly that he hadn’t hurt her, but the crimson stain on the homespun blanket said otherwise. Tugging his pants on, then his boots, his heart started beating faster, thumping in his neck. Did she regret it? Regret him? Even after all she’d said, all he’d _felt_ in her mind, could she have woken to a new sun and come to her senses?

He threw on his black sleeveless undershirt and attached his saber to his side, forcing himself into the daylight. Squinting at the sunny day around him, he looked around. The Knights had taken the other huts. He hadn’t given them a single thought after Rey had entered his last night. Hopefully they’d found something to use for blankets and perhaps something to eat. The other huts weren’t far from his; just slightly down the hill, a stone’s throw. There was no doubt that his old school friends had heard everything and he prepared himself for a solid ribbing from Rostam and Jarek, at least.

Ben headed in the opposite way, down a slope of stone that had been smoothed with thousands of years of use. Rey was this way, he could feel her signature getting stronger. There was a small staircase upward again, and he found himself at the mouth of a looming cave.

He stepped in. The cave was empty and cool, the floor completely flat and smooth, save for a circle with an ancient mosaic. Ben looked at it for a moment, recalling enough information he’d read in his youth to know what he was looking at: the Prime Jedi. The Jedi looked serene, perfectly balanced with dark on one side, light on the other. Two halves of a whole. But Ben hadn’t come here to meditate.

He went on and found Rey outside of the cave on a ledge, lightsaber on and arcing through the air. Her movements were fluid, assertive, offensive, and he would have recognized that routine anywhere.

“Good morning,” he said softly, trying not to startle her. She turned to him, smile blossoming, and thumbed her saber off before running to him and kissing him solidly on the mouth. Relief washed over him. “Are you…?”

“I’m okay. More than okay. Happy. And every single muscle in my body feels like it got a good stretch.”

Ben laughed and wound his arms around her waist. The air was cool, but she had tiny droplets of sweat along her hairline. “You swear you’re okay?”

“A little sore, maybe. But that’s kind of good too. A good reminder.” She raised a brow, that appetite of hers rearing its head, and it was probably the sexiest look he’d ever received.

“I’ll go easy on you later.”

“Don’t you dare,” she teased, and Ben found himself blushing all the way to the tips of his ears.

He stepped away from her for a moment to look over the edge. Luke’s presence was strong here, like a black hole where a planet had once been. Ben blew out a breath.

“Noble until the end, I suppose. That’s what he wanted everyone to think, anyway.”

Rey cocked her head. “Have you forgiven him?”

Ben looked at her again and found he couldn’t muster the anger he’d once had. “If I had known what Snoke was, if I’d seen the future, I might have had the thought that I could have ended it all with one killing stroke. I can understand why Luke considered it, I guess. But I was a child, Rey. And at the time, I thought no one but Snoke cared. He proved me right. But I didn’t need to be assassinated; I needed help. I needed my uncle. And he of all people should have known that. I’ll forgive him for the thought. Even the attempt. I’m not sure I’m ready to forgive how he failed me.”

Rey held her hand out, and Ben took it. She gave him a sorrowful smile. “I’m not defending him, but I’m not sure anyone knew the depth of Snoke’s control over you. Not even you.”

Ben nodded. She squeezed his hand and let it drop, then reignited her lightsaber. “I was going through my morning exercises. Want to join me?”

Ben arched a brow and hoped it was even half as sexy as when she’d done it. “I think I’d rather watch you.”

“Suit yourself.”

Ben sat on a long rock outcropping and did just that, as Rey worked through move after move. He smiled, blissful, watching her strength and grace on display with the waves and the plaintive calls of the porgs filling his ears. Finally, as she panted through a challenging set of steps, he spoke.

“Did Luke teach you this, too?”

Rey stopped, smiled mischievously, and pointed her saber right at him. “No. You did.”

Ben’s face fell. “What? From watching me fight?”

“From your mind, Ben. After you interrogated me on Starkiller, I somehow knew so much more than I had before.” She lifted her saber and began the moves again. “I suddenly knew I could use the Force. I knew how to properly wield a lightsaber. And I knew how to… I don’t know how to explain it. It was like I knew where someone would strike so I could easily block.”

“Precognition,” Ben mumbled, awed. He shook his head. “You learned from me.”

“Somehow, yes.”

“Snoke was so full of bantha shit.”

Rey halted, stuttering in shock. “What?” She laughed.

“We made the bond ourselves, Rey. When you pushed into my mind, you took a part of me, and I took from you. Snoke may have strengthened it, or somehow gave us the idea to talk to each other through it, but we created it. Maybe we somehow saw what we needed in each other, and needed it so strongly, that we made a connection so we wouldn’t ever lose it.”

If he hadn’t had the bond, Ben would have wondered what Rey was thinking as she looked at him, smiling but not speaking, for longer than he was comfortable with. But he had the bond, and he knew she was just looking at him in amazement. He didn’t pry further; that was enough.

Ben stood up and unfastened the lightsaber at his hip. He held it out and ignited it, the red blades crackling to life. She held hers out, parallel to his, and he couldn’t help but note how cool and smooth her blade looked next to his, glaring red and uncontrolled. He paused, breathed in, let her light fill him again, and when he looked back at his blade, he could have sworn it had settled ever so slightly.

Then, without a word, they both moved into the first stance of his morning routine.

 

**Rey**

 

Sweating and exhilarated, Rey plopped down on the stone where Luke had tickled her hand with a leaf. The memory of him brought a quick stab of pain, and she looked at Ben to distract herself. He was soaked, hair dripping, muscles gleaming. He’d taken off his shirt sometime when he was teaching her Ataru, and they’d probably been at it for hours. He didn’t feel tired, though. She could sense the same kind of excitement she was feeling. She watched him stretch out his arms, loosening up the muscles.

_Maker, what have I done to deserve him?_

“Not that I’m some prize, Rey, but you’ve done more than enough to deserve me.”

Rey blushed. “It’s just… I didn’t think I’d ever have anything like this. But here I am, and it’s more than good. I mean, is it like this for everyone, you think?”

He sat next to her on the rock and ran a hand through his hair. It was adorably disheveled. “I think maybe it can be this strong for other people. I think… I think maybe my parents found that with each other. They fought a lot, but they were equals. Partners. And they even fought with love. But…”

“But?”

Ben snorted and looked away from her. “Not that I want to think of this, but I doubt they uh, could have had what we had last night. I have to think being able to read each other’s minds gives us a bit of an advantage. I mean, if we get any better at that it might kill us.”

Rey laughed, doubling over. “I think I’m okay with dying that way.”

“Definitely a good goal to keep in mind,” Ben said, laughing too.

Sobering, Rey turned to him. She hadn’t been lying before, but she might have softened the truth a bit. She was indeed sore. Really sore. But that did nothing to stop her body from craving his again. She leaned toward him and he met her halfway, lips meeting urgently, and she wondered if they would ever be able to stop themselves. Once one of them felt the desire, the other picked up on it and it grew between them like a storm. How would they get anything else done?

Rey reached between them for the tie to his pants and Ben pulled away.

His eyes were wide. “Wait. Here?”

“Afraid the porgs will be scandalized?”

“Well, no, but I’m so sweaty.”

“So am I.”

“But are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. Any other excuses you’d like to try, or are you out?” Rey took her hand back, slowly. “I mean, if you don’t want me…”

“No! That’s not what I meant.”

That was all Rey needed to hear, and she grabbed Ben’s hands and pulled him down off the rock, where she smoothly rolled on top of him and pulled herself up to straddle him at the hips.

“Use that move in a fight sometime. I guarantee you, any male of any species is going to let you do that.”

Rey shook her head. “Stop talking and help me get your pants off.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

They made short work of it, and Rey inhaled sharply when she was able to take in the sight of him all of him at once. Last night, they’d been so wrapped up in each other, in the Force, she hadn’t had time to really look at him. And now, the sight of him made her mouth water. He was so strong. So big. Rey swallowed. _All_ over. How had he managed not to hurt her that first time?

Ben’s hand was cupping her face. “Honestly, it took every stitch of self-discipline I had to go slowly. And I am _not_ good with self-discipline.”

Rey took his hands and guided them to the bottom of her tunic. He took the hint and lifted it over her head. She was bare underneath, and she pushed the rest of her clothes off herself with hasty awkwardness. She sat on his thighs, looking at him while he looked at her. He ran a hand up her side, then lightly over a breast. Her head fell back and she sighed.

“I’ve definitely done nothing to deserve this. You.” His dark brown eyes met hers. “You say you feel like you’ve always known me, somehow. You dreamed of me and I dreamed of you. Rey, I don’t think I’ve been feeling a pull to the light, I think I’ve been feeling a pull to you.”

Rey’s chest ached with those words, with how much she felt for the man beneath her, and she leaned over to kiss him, sliding up his body slightly. They both moaned at the friction as their mouths met. Rey could hear his thoughts so clearly: his worry that she wasn’t ready, that he should please her more first, that he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back enough to be gentle.

“Shhh,” Rey whispered. “Let me be in control this time.”

She angled herself, using the Force only slightly to get it right, and sat back, sheathing him inside her to the hilt.

Ben mumbled something completely unintelligible, and for a moment, Rey was lost not in her own desire, but his.

She took a deep breath, gathered his feelings and her own, and started to move.

 

***

 

“Do you suppose I ought to go interact with the other people on this island?” Ben mumbled into her shoulder. They were lying naked on the stone, and neither of them had moved for perhaps a half hour. She may have even dozed, if she was being honest.

“I’m sure they can fend for themselves,” Rey answered. “Besides, I have a feeling they’re going to be happy for us.”

“I’m sure Rostam won’t hold back,” Ben said wryly. He rolled to his side, so they were face to face, and reached out. Rey thought he was going to touch her and was mildly disappointed when he reached behind her and grabbed her lightsaber. He held it between them, his eyes focused on it

“How did you fix it? We split it in half.”

“Interesting how it came to me in the forest, yet after you killed Snoke, it wanted to come to us both.”

Ben ignored that. “But how did you repair it? It must have been like building one from scratch and… I know you say you’ve learned from me, but that’s theory only. To build a saber requires skills that only true Jedi possess.”

Rey beamed. “Well, here I am. And I’m not quite sure how I did it. I took it all apart, like I would a droid, and found some replacements for the damaged bits that wouldn’t work anymore. But when I started to put it back together again, I don’t know, I put my hand on the crystal and everything started to move on its own. I don’t remember much, but Leia told me I was in my room for three days straight and didn’t take meals. I remember all the parts kind of swirling around me in a bright blue light. I remember feeling almost like my heart came out of my chest and went into the crystal, but that’s it. I came to, and the saber worked again.”

Ben smiled. “I guess it _is_ yours now. Although…” He set the saber aside, then stretched out a hand and it flew back to him easily. “I guess it still likes me.”

Not to be outdone, Rey used the Force to take her saber out of his hand and it floated safely back into her own. “I think it likes you because it senses me in you.” She scrunched her nose up and laughed.

“You’re probably not wrong,” Ben said. He was smiling but his words were serious. “You rebuilt it like a true Jedi. It’s made for you now.”

“Was that what it was like for you? Building your saber?”

Ben’s eyes became distant. “When I built my first lightsaber. This one, though…” Ben reached above his head and touched his crossguard saber. “This one was quite different.”

The shift in the Force from happiness to pain and fear made Rey move closer to Ben. “Will you tell me?”

Ben took his saber in his hands, staring at it like he didn’t know what it was for a moment. Then he began to speak. “I crafted mine after an ancient design. My crystal is cracked, which is why it seems so hard to control. It’s unstable but not unpredictable. Everyone who’s ever wielded a lightsaber will tell you that you have to get to know your weapon, as they’re all different. Mine is no exception. The crossblades vent the extra energy and heat given off from the crystal, and sometimes it appears to flicker because of all that extra power, but it’s never weak or dormant. Quite the opposite.”

He offered the weapon to Rey and she took it from him. She’d held it before. Used it, even. But she’d never had the chance to study it. “And was it like a trance for you, making it?”

“No.” Ben’s hand covered hers on his saber. “I suppose it’s a bit like the Jedi and Sith themselves, the way they’re different is the same reason why the lightsabers are different. Jedi become a conduit for the Force, in a way. It flows through them and is merely focused through the crystal. But kyber is naturally attuned to the light, and fights the dark side. So you have to… bend it to your will. It’s a process called bleeding.”

“Because it turns red?”

“Yeah, and the crystals...” Ben swallowed. “I don’t know that much about kyber. No one really does. But we know that kyber crystals are kind of alive. They communicate and respond and… they may somehow feel pain, even. Like a plant, or a droid. Maybe it doesn’t hurt exactly, but there’s a reaction. The crystals know something is wrong. So when they’re forced into the dark side, the reaction looks a lot like bleeding. And that’s how they get their color.”

Rey sat up, which made her realize she was still bare as the breeze tickled over her skin. She took his saber in her hands and ignited it, watching the bright red blade come to life. She studied it for a moment, then thumbed it off.

“How do you bend the crystal’s will?”

“Rey, you may not—”

“If I didn’t want to know, I wouldn’t ask.” Ben looked at her, and she could see the trepidation roiling in his irises. “If you really want the past to die, you can’t keep holding onto it, Ben, and neither can I. What’s done is done, and I’m not going to love you any less for it.”

The Force fluttered within him, but it didn’t calm him. He used it instead to levitate both of their sabers, and move them into the cave, far out of reach. He sat up too, his wide chest gleaming with leftover sweat. Then he opened both of his hands to her, and she folded hers into his. No sooner had she squeezed them then she fell headfirst into his memories, memories buried farther down than she’d ever travelled inside him before. Even during the interrogation.

She saw Ben, a slightly younger version of him but somehow older. Perhaps more haunted, less stable. He was trying hard to remember his master’s instructions, to do everything perfectly. Unlike Rey’s experience, his saber was already built; it wasn’t going to happen all at once, crystal and all parts coming together like a dance. In his hand was a kyber, large and colorless, and cracked from top to bottom. Rey thought the crack looked a bit like the scar on Ben’s face now, veering slightly left and widening toward the bottom. Then this memory Ben lifted the crystal in the air with the Force and cast a hand out toward it. Suddenly, Rey wasn’t in this past, but a different past altogether: Ben’s childhood. She saw Han leaving, again, Leia crying and trying to hide it, little Ben following his father to the shut door and pressing his hands to it longingly. Then he was older with Han, his famous snark like a weapon against his sensitive son, making yet another mistake in the cockpit of the _Falcon_ , Ben’s eyes welling with tears, knowing he’ll never be the pilot his father demands. A little older, Ben’s anger shattering the dining room table to shards, his parents’ anger exploding at him, at each other. Then older still, Leia telling him he had to go to Luke, that they could no longer contain his strength with the Force, that it was beyond them and only his uncle could help. She saw a familiar scene, Luke trying to kill Ben, his padawan, the horrified regret hitting Luke’s eyes right before Ben sent the building crashing down around them. Then the temple itself, on fire, a blue saber slicing through his fellow students, the pain, the panic, not knowing who to trust and wanting it all to just die. For the pain to end.

Rey escaped Ben’s mind with a scream. She looked at Ben, the man who so lovingly ran his hands over her skin, whose eyes could soften in a way that broke her heart, who had killed his master for her, and saw that somehow all of the things she had just seen had brought him here. To this moment. To _her._

“You pour it all into the crystal. All the anger. All the pain. The crystal bleeds. Something within it breaks down. And then it’s yours. It does your bidding.”

Rey shook her head. “Oh Ben. I’m so sorry. I know what you’ve been through but somehow, seeing it like that, from your point of view…no wonder the crystal broke

down. It’s a wonder you didn’t. But it’s not all lost. If you’d let me speak to Leia—”

“Wait.” Ben held up a finger. He put his fingers to his temples as if urging his brain to work faster. “Wait. I bent the kyber’s will, it had to take on the dark side of the Force. I put myself into it to change it. If kybers can change, if they can be forced to take on the dark side…”

“They can be forced to take on all of it,” Rey finished, eyes wide.

“Maybe we could put all of our powers—”

“Into the crystals. Maybe that’s how we give the Force back.”

Ben stood, practically running before he was upright.

“Ben!” Rey called, and he turned back, confused. She couldn’t help but laugh. “You’ll need clothes.”

Ben looked down, realizing, and laughed too. “Right. Clothes. Then we find Usko. Then we have to go back for those texts.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey laughed a little at that. “Okay. I’ll send the message from the Falcon on one condition.”  
> “Please say we eat first. That fish looked disgusting but I could eat a whole one at this point.”  
> Rey shook her head, eyes smiling with a little mischief and whole lot of love. “You get on board that ship with me.”

**Ben**

 

“This is absolutely insane that we’re even considering this,” Rostam growled.

Usko, with all the patience in the galaxy, nodded at him, his face glowing in the fire. By the time Rey had explained, then explained again, the sun was setting and they’d gathered around a fire that Orvar had built. The temperature had fallen dramatically over the last hour, but Ben couldn’t remember being this cold the night before. Then again, he’d had Rey in his arms. Rey was like holding the desert sun.

“Perhaps,” Usko replied. “But if Rey is right and we can balance the Force once and for all… most likely worth it.”

“Do you think it could work, putting our powers into the crystals?” Rey asked.

Usko tugged at the end of his long braid. “Kyber can withstand a lot, but I’m not sure how much. We could try with one, see what it could handle, but honestly it might require the whole cave. I’d really like to see those texts.”

“Which leads to our next problem,” Dagny said dryly. “Getting back onto the _Supremacy_ to get them. There’s no way we can go back without killing Hux and starting a coup. If the texts are even still there. I can’t imagine Hux didn’t storm your quarters, Kylo, and burn everything that reminded him of you.”

“I put them in a safe place,” Ben said, almost smiling. “A very safe place.”

Rostam grunted. “I’ll leave Hux to you, Supreme Leader, but I’d love to take his head off myself.”

Jarek, who had been studying his lightsabers with intense focus, spoke up. “No, Hux is Kylo’s. But we can put our sabers through all of his sycophant captains.”

Rostam grunted again, and he and Jarek did a little high five-handshake thing in celebration.  

“There is a rather large problem that we haven’t talked about yet,” Usko said.

Orvar piped up. “The lack of dinner?”

“That too,” Usko replied, smiling, patient again. “But more importantly, we’re not the only Force users. Rey may be the last Jedi, and we’re Knights of Ren, but there are others. All across the galaxy. Young ones who haven’t discovered their gifts yet. Cultures that haven’t even heard of the First Order, but still have the Force all around them. We’re talking about finding hundreds, maybe thousands of beings out there who are Force-sensitive and asking them to give it up.”

Ben saw felt Rey’s body slump, and put his arm around her.

“Not to mention, even if we could round them all up and convince them, who’s to say the Force won’t continue to create more Force-sensitives anyway?” Usko shrugged at them and toyed with his braid again.

“So you think I’m wrong,” Rey said.

“I think you might be asking the impossible,” Usko said.

“But then how—”

“I don’t know. Let me meditate for a while,” Usko said, standing. “And I think we need those texts. And we need to figure out how to take back the First Order. Maybe do that while I’m gone.” With that, he disappeared over the hill, leaving mystery and intrigue in his wake and reminding Ben of the stories he’d heard Luke tell of Master Yoda.

“I can’t think, I’m starving,” Orvar said, and Rostam and Jarek echoed the complaint.

Ben stopped himself just short of rolling his eyes. “There are rations in the shuttle, you know.”

“I’d rather die.”

“Gross.”

“Just put your saber through me.”

“Spoiled, all of you,” Ben said, good-naturedly. He turned to Rey. “What’s there to eat on this island?”

In answer, Rey stood and offered her hand. Ben took it, trusting her, even if the look in her eye was full of mischief.

 

***

 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Rey looked at the giant pole leaning against the cliff face and shrugged. “It’s rations or this. Well, or porgs, but…”

She nodded toward the hill rising next to them, where the bird-like creatures were nesting happily in the twilit blue and gray.

“What, are they too cute to eat?”

“Cute,” Rey said, “and resourceful. And happy to share and alert us of danger, if we’re not picking off their family for dinner.”

Ben sighed. “Show me.”

Rey stretched out her hand, and the pole flew into it. She turned to Ben. “How many fish are down there?”

Ben gave her a look, mildly put out she was doing the teaching instead of him, but closed his eyes anyway. He let his Force sense reach out.

“Hundreds. At least.”

“Any a good size?”

“Two that are about half my weight. Three that are probably half of yours.”

“Those are the ones we want.” Rey put the pole in Ben’s hand and his eyes opened. “Just like any opponent. What are they going to do next? Where are they going? Strike where they're going, not where they’ve been.”

Ben closed his eyes again, then made a face. “Fish aren’t exactly deep thinkers, are they?”

Rey laughed. “I don’t suppose they need to be. Swim, eat, try not to get eaten.”

Ben smiled, and something about doing this for them, for her, made him feel almost primal and protective. “Well, a few of them are going to fail that last one.”

He wasn’t wrong. In the end, he speared dinner for them in three tries, then caught one more so they would have a few meals without having to fish again.

“Maybe you’ve found your calling,” Rey said as they made their way back to their campfire. Ben carried both of the big fish on his shoulders, despite her offer to share the load.

He laughed, breathless from the weight and exertion of the stairs. “I can only imagine how Hux would take the news if I decided to be a fisherman.”

When they reached the top of the stairs, the knights were waiting. Dagny was close to the fire, warming her hands. Usko was still off meditating, but the three remaining men were knee deep in stories from their youth. When they saw what Ben was carrying, they stopped their stories and let out whoops of excitement.

Ben let the fish drop at his feet. “This is why I’d still be Supreme Leader, even if I didn’t have my powers. I’m seriously the only one who thought to look for food.”

“But Rey taught you, so I think she’s our leader now,” Dagny said, smirking.

“I think she would be anyway, the way she’s got Kylo wrapped around her tiny finger,” Rostam said. Everyone looked at him. “What? We’re not going to talk about it? I think we all heard them last night. By the way,” he looked at Ben, “congratulations.”

Ben drew in a long breath, pleading with the Force for patience. He reached for Rey’s hand. “Thanks. Actually, there’s something I have to talk to Rey about. Any chance any of you know how to cook fish?”

Jarek stood, removing a curved knife from somewhere on his person. “I can handle it. Go. Have another ‘talk.’”

Ben winced but didn’t bother to correct him, and led Rey to his shuttle. She went along without a word, only speaking when they were inside the shuttle and the lights were on.

“What is it? Is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine,” Ben said as he rifled through the med box. He found what he was looking for: a small packet of pills, circular, each one kept in its own place with foil and plastic. He handed them to her, his face going red. “Um, these will prevent you from getting pregnant. I’m sorry. I should have thought of it earlier. But they’ll work.”

“Oh,” Rey said simply, taking the packet. She stared at them for a few beats. “Right. I, uh… I wasn’t thinking either, I guess.”

Ben could sense her embarrassment but, underneath that, something more heartbreaking: disappointment. “Oh, Rey.”

Her eyes filled. “No, no. Of course, you’re right and I’m sorry. I don’t know why I even thought… Maker, I’m so stupid. And you probably think I’m crazy for wanting… I mean, we just started this...whatever it is. Why would we have a baby? That’s crazy, Rey. That’s just…”

Ben pulled her into his arms and found, to his surprise, that tears were soaking into his tunic. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting a family, Rey. And I can’t even begin to tell you what it feels like that you want one with me. Someday, when it’s safe, I want to have a whole pack of children with you. Tiny, obstinate things that will try our patience to no end and that we’ll love beyond all reason. But…”

“Not now.”

Ben shook his head. “We have a lot of fighting left to do. And I can barely survive seeing you hurt, Rey. If you were hurt while carrying our child or, Force forbid it, worse, there’s no way I could go on.” He paused, kissing the top of her head and debating whether to say the next words. In the end, he decided that facing the harsh reality might be best for both of them. “And there’s a good chance I may not survive, Rey. I can’t leave you alone to raise a child. I just can’t. But if we make it through this, I promise you, we’ll have that family.”

Rey pulled back just enough to look at him, her eyes rimmed in red and still shining with tears, but also humor. “Ben Solo, was that your roundabout way of proposing to me?”

Ben smiled and cupped her cheek in his hand. “Rey, you might have noticed I don’t do anything small, whether it’s screw ups or battles or falling in love. Trust me, when I propose, you’ll know it.”

Rey looked down at her feet, smiling.

“Rey, I think I should try to contact Phasma. I don’t want to put her in any danger, but just showing up and hoping her plan works isn’t much of a plan. We need to consider timing.”

Rey nodded. “Yes, but, how? Hux and his henchmen are going to be intercepting any communications from this shuttle.” Ben gave her a small smile. “The _Falcon_? You don’t think they’ll find it suspicious?”

“Well, I see one of three things happening. Maybe it’s recognized by Hux, but then Phasma hears and knows she’s got to contact us when it’s safe. Or it’s intercepted by someone who understands and can alert Phasma in secret. Or, it’s answered by someone completely oblivious and we can simply ask for Phasma. But all of those scenarios are better than what would happen with a comm from the shuttle.”

“But then they’re going to be looking for the _Falcon._ ”

“Anyone who fought in the battle on Crait will recognize that damned ship anyway.” Ben felt anger pass through Rey momentarily, and he took her hand. “Rey, we need the texts. And… I think you know that I have to win the First Order back. We may not agree on what that will mean for us, but… you and I both know anything is better than Hux at the helm. Even me.”

Rey laughed a little at that. “Okay. I’ll send the message from the _Falcon_ on one condition.”

“Please say we eat first. That fish looked disgusting but I could eat a whole one at this point.”

Rey shook her head, eyes smiling with a little mischief and whole lot of love. “You get on board that ship with me.”

Ben was unprepared for the rush of emotions he felt at the idea of boarding his father’s ship again. Not just the sheer strength of them or the number, but… the emotions themselves. There was a part of him that wanted to see it again, wanted to sit in the copilot seat and perhaps feel a little bit like he was home, since home was a thing he hadn’t had for so long. Maybe—and he could only admit it to himself in the quietest voice his consciousness could produce—maybe sitting in that old piece of junk with Rey would make up for all the times he’d felt less than in that cockpit.

Ben looked at her, traitorous tears in his eyes. “Let the past die. I suppose part of that is creating a new future.” He squeezed her hand. “You’ve got a deal. But for now, let’s eat.”

 

**Rey**

 

On the last step up the ramp, Ben hesitated. Rey turned back to him, holding her hand out. She watched him take a deep breath, then reach for her.

He ducked into the _Falcon_ and the Force swirled so thickly around her that Rey felt as though she could pass out. His memories were hitting her from every angle. Just the hum of the lights along the corridors or the smell of fuel and metal brought so much back for him. Han’s voice echoed in her head, overlapping itself; gentle sometimes, at others, demanding and deprecating. Flashes of Chewie teaching a small, curly-haired boy dejarik. A toddler with huge brown eyes reaching up for golden dice. A frustrated and angry young man behind the controls, taking unnecessary risks.

“Ben,” she whispered. His eyes were distant. Full.

“I’m okay,” he whispered back. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, and the voices in Rey’s own head quieted. She reached out to him with the Force but couldn’t tell if he’d blocked her out, or blocked the memories instead.

“It might be best if it’s just me on the comm, at first anyway. If something goes awry, you wouldn’t necessarily be linked to me.”

Ben smiled at her. “Rey, I think just about everyone in the galaxy knows we’re linked by now.”

A thrill worked its way through Rey. There was a danger, in so many ways, to her name being attached to Kylo Ren’s. But… that also meant she wasn’t alone. She had someone. She pulled him into the cockpit, and though he stepped in as if afraid it would come crashing in on him, he smiled a little as he gazed out the windows.

“I was ten when he let me take over the controls for real. I felt like I’d been waiting an eternity to really fly. I’d managed a speeder and a few smaller crafts but… never the _Falcon_ until then.” Ben ran a finger down the pilot seat, and it reminded Rey of how he’d touched her that first night they were together. He loved this ship, no matter how much he also hated it. It was precious to him. “I did everything right except for the landing. I couldn’t do it on my own. I needed his… Dad’s… help for that. But I’d never seen him so proud. You know my grandfather built these?” Rey shook her head, and Ben laughed a little. “Not Vader, of course. Han’s father. I never knew him; Dad barely knew him, but he looked up to him. I think he spent his whole life trying to live up to him.”

Rey squeezed his hand. “Sounds a little familiar.”

Ben swallowed, and though he said nothing else, Rey could hear the thoughts in his head plain as day: wondering how he’d failed his father, wondering why he could never please him, wondering why his father couldn’t have just loved him for what he was.

Rey sent love through the bond and Ben raised his eyes to her as it hit him, smiling. “Everything to me, remember?”

He nodded.

“Ready?”

In response, Ben sat in the copilot seat, letting Rey take the controls. The controls of the ship that by all rights should be his. Humbled by the gesture, she blinked away fresh tears and turned on the comm.

A low level stormtrooper answered professionally, his image appearing to them in white and light blue. When his mask turned toward them, for a moment nothing happened, and Rey sucked in a breath. Then the trooper looked over his shoulder and leaned forward. When he spoke, his voice was barely audible.

“Supreme Leader. Good to see you again, sir.”

Rey and Ben both let out a sigh of relief.

Ben spoke with authority, and Rey let herself feel the ripple of excitement that coursed through her at the tone of his voice. “Your number, soldier?”

“LP-2112, Supreme Leader. Loyal to the true First Order.”

“You have my enduring gratitude, LP-2112.” Ben’s face was serious. Not quite Kylo, Rey realized, but not all Ben either. “I would like to speak with Captain Phasma, if that could be managed discreetly.”

“Yes sir, right away.”

After a tense moment, the projection flipped to a new image, one Rey was familiar with. It was Phasma’s bedroom, and the captain was bare faced and dressed for bed in a black tunic. She didn’t smile but Rey could have sworn her lips twitched.

“Supreme Leader.”

“Captain. I take it this channel is secure?”

“Very.” Phasma raised a brow and a certain kind of fire lit her eyes: determination. “I have some new information for you, and I think we’d best plan a coup?”

Ben smiled, the same fire in his eyes. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

 

***

 

By the time they signed off, they had a plan and a good one, Rey thought. But without the distraction of the comm, it was entirely too quiet inside the _Falcon_ and Rey could feel Ben slipping back into sadness and anger.

She turned to him. “Want to take the old girl for a spin? Make a new memory or two?”

Ben laughed, he even gave a sly glance toward where the sleeping quarters were located, but it was half-hearted. Sadness and anger poured from him.

“Actually, would you mind giving me a few minutes alone?”

Rey hesitated, studying the controls in front of her. She loved Ben, loved him with every breath she took, but she also felt a duty to Han to keep the freighter safe. To preserve it for his memory, if nothing else.

Ben ducked down, forcing her to meet his eye. “I don’t have any desire to destroy this ship, Rey. If you want to take my saber to ease your mind…”

“No. It’s okay. I trust you.”

“I just want to—”

“I know, you don’t have to explain.” Closure. Which was only natural, and very needed. But she’d never known him to have any sort of closure without ripping it to shreds first.

She looked back up at him. He was holding out his saber with a smirk. “Take it. I don’t have any desire now, but I probably shouldn’t rule out the possibility that it would only take a minute for me to find some.”

Rey took his lightsaber and stood, kissing him sweetly on the cheek. “Take all the time you need. I’ll be waiting in your hut.”

Rey smiled as she exited, his absolute joy and excitement that she’d be waiting for him dancing along every nerve in her body as she went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little breather before all the big stuff begins. Strap in. It's a bumpy ride from here on out.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So he would give up his position of power, disband the First Order, and comply with the New Republic?”
> 
> “I...no. No.”
> 
> “Of course he won’t. Rey,” Leia said, her voice pitying and kind. “I can feel how much you love him and believe me, I understand that more than anyone under the stars, but Ben wants power and control. He wants to destroy anything that doesn’t fall in line with him. And you cannot be loyal to both him and the Resistance. It’s not possible.”
> 
> “You’re saying I have to choose.”
> 
> “Soon. Very soon.”

**Ben**

 

For several minutes, all he did was sit in the silence, thinking. Then he spoke. Just a whisper, but enough to fill the small cockpit. 

“Han Solo. The scoundrel. The great hero. The legendary pilot.” Ben sniffed. “Think any of your admirers knew you were a terrible father? Because you were, you know. Half the time you weren’t even there, the other half you were afraid I was a monster. And of course I became one. Didn’t I? I became everything you feared I’d be. You told me you thought you’d see the face of your son when I took off my mask that day, but did you see me or did you see the monster? Did you even recognize me?”

Ben reached out and took hold of a lever as if to steady himself. “You should have seen the monster, if you didn’t. You should have run. You had to have known what I… why didn’t you just turn around and leave? You left me so many times before. Why couldn’t you just walk away?” 

Ben cursed, then wiped at his cheeks, coming away with wetness on his hands. “Snoke said it split my spirit to the bone. He was wrong.” Ben’s voice quavered. “It shattered me.”

Then, because it was the closest thing he’d ever get to feeling his father’s arms around him again, he leaned over the controls of the  _ Falcon  _ and put his head down. He let himself feel, then, all the things he tried so hard to keep at bay: the grief, the sorrow, the regret, the immeasurable  _ absence  _ of Han. The heartache made his chest feel like it was breaking apart. His throat constricted painfully. He couldn’t quite catch his breath.

And Ben cried. For the first time since he’d done the horrible, unforgivable deed, he cried. Big, shaking sobs and small, tortured whimpers. His tears alleviated some of the physical ache, but the ache in his soul, he knew, would be permanent. 

When he was finished, exhausted and dehydrated and spent, he leaned back into the seat, looked out at the setting suns and whispered to the ether, “I’m sorry, Dad.”

Ben closed his eyes and thought about just going to sleep for a while, right in the copilot seat, but then the Force was suddenly overwhelming and bearing down on him and he opened his eyes in confusion.

Luke Skywalker sat in the pilot’s seat.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” Ben snarled.

“Touching, all the same,” Luke said. Even in transparent blue and white, Ben could see the mocking laughter in his uncle’s eyes. 

“Kriffing hell. Go away.”

“That’s what I told her, you know?” Luke said, staring out at the suns as well. “Rey, I mean. When she first came here, wanting me to save the galaxy from you.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t jump at the chance. You just love playing the hero.”

Luke shrugged. “I was rather good at it for a while. Until I wasn’t.”

Ben turned to his uncle’s ghost, incredulous.

“I  _ am  _ sorry, Ben. More than I can say. I…” Luke gestured futilely. “If you’d known him, Vader… known the destruction he caused, maybe you could understand why I had that momentary, ridiculous thought that I could stop that from happening again. Of course it was a mistake to think that way, but the bigger mistake was only remembering the bad and none of the good. The faults of the man who was my father. But he was more than that. He showed me at the end. And I learned so much more about him after. Anakin Skywalker was capable of powerful darkness, but he was also capable of powerful love. I forgot that about you too, Ben, in that terrible moment.”

Ben said nothing, but blinked away tears that he resented to the point of raw hatred. 

“I forgot you were still a boy, still capable of choosing. A boy who needed love and belonging so desperately that a few kind words from me or his parents might have turned the tides of the entire galaxy’s future. Instead, we isolated you so that we could feel safe. We let our fear rule us. Fear leads to the darkside, in so many ways. But you know…”

Ben met his uncle’s eye. “Seeing you now, I think you’re even more powerful than Anakin. In the Force but… in the way you love, too. Anakin’s love of Padme was fierce but possessive. Your love for Rey, however…”

“Oh Maker, please don’t talk to me about love like you have the first clue what I feel for her.”

Luke leveled a look at him. “I knew love once, Ben. I didn’t always live as a hermit, you know,” he said, humor twinkling in his ghostly eyes. “And I can sense what you feel for her. The very essence of your love for her is letting her make that choice to be with you, over and over again, without duress. Perhaps that’s the only way you’ll believe she wants to be there, is if you give her the freedom to leave, but it’s still far more trusting and solid than the way Anakin held onto Padme. And let me tell you, you’ve only scratched the surface of the love that girl is capable of. I sensed the depths of her from the start, and once she started feeling things for you… there was no stopping that. Do you know she hit me?”

“What?” Ben asked.

Luke nodded. “She came after me with a vengeance after she found out about that night. I think she might have killed me.”

Ben laughed a weird, thrilled laugh. “That’s my girl. I think she would have killed Snoke too, if she could have.”

Both men quieted, both lost in separate thoughts of Snoke and regret. Luke’s image flickered slightly. 

“I don’t deserve her,” Ben finally said. “The things I’ve done—”

“Ben,” Luke said gently. “Take it from a man who cut himself off for too long from the people he loved because of mistakes he made… People who truly love you will love you no matter what. Let them love you.”

Ben considered this in silence. He knew his uncle was right, even if he couldn’t quite believe it yet. He spoke again, his voice rough with emotion. “Thanks, Uncle Luke.”

Luke smiled sadly. “What I wouldn’t give to have another day training you. Just one more day. I’d do everything so differently.” Luke began to fade away, and Ben reached out.

“Wait. Uncle Luke.” Ben’s hand went through Luke’s and he sat back with a jolt. “Sorry. There’s just so much I want to ask and…”

“I know, but I don’t have many answers, kid. I never really have.” Luke was half gone, but Ben could still see that his uncle was sad that he couldn’t help him much. “I can’t tell you about the crystals. I don’t have the first clue about what you should do with the First Order, besides abolish it. But as far as your mother goes, don’t give up on her. She still hasn’t given up on you.”

Luke faded, and Ben didn’t try to stop him this time. The Force settled into calm. 

Ben took a deep breath and sank back into the copilot’s seat, mind racing. When he looked up, just above the large windows into the sky, something glinted in the light of the setting suns and he smiled. He hadn’t noticed them before, but there they were: his favorite toy, the lucky golden dice.  

  
  


**Rey**

 

They were in the middle of dinner, and Rey was going over the plan with the Knights of Ren, when Ben emerged from the darkness over the hill and sat behind her. She tucked herself between his legs, his arms encircling her, and she turned slightly to peck him on the mouth. 

His eyes were bloodshot but he was calmer than he’d been in a long time, as if a staticky comm was finally tuned to the correct frequency. 

“Okay?” she whispered to him, as Orvar and Jarek debated which weapons would be best to use for dispatching Hux’s loyal stormtroopers.

“Okay,” he said, and then kissed her deeply, which earned them a whistle from Rostam. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Ben said, smiling. “Now shuddup and pass me some of that fish.”

Rostam handed Ben a whole rib section and Ben dug in. Rostam took more for himself. “I had no idea Jarek could cook.”

“I am a deep well of knowledge, Rostam,” Jarek replied. “Not that you’d understand that.”

Rey giggled. “Where is Usko? Still meditating?”

“He’ll be gone for a while. You gave him a lot to work out,” Dagny said. She leaned over Jarek and grabbed more fish. “We need to save some of this for him. We can’t let him starve. That’s got to be against our knightly code.”

“Not that we ever had much of one,” Ben said, mouth full. “So, I take it we all know the plan?”

Orvar grunted. “We take your shuttle and park it on Takodana while Rey picks us up in the  _ Falcon  _ and we wait. Phasma’s insiders will inform Hux that we’ve been spotted and encourage him to personally go to capture us. Assuming he can be lured out, we take over the  _ Supremacy  _ in his absence. Phasma will sort out the loyalties amongst her soldiers. When Hux returns to the ship, if he does at all, we destroy him.”

Rostam cleared his throat. “No ‘we.’ Hux is Kylo’s, remember?”

“I was using ‘we’ in a general sense,” Orvar said dryly. 

“And if he doesn’t return?” Dagny asked. “I mean, the plan is only solid if it works. Hux has to believe we’re on Takodana and has to go after us himself. Do you truly think he can be enticed to leave the  _ Supremacy?  _ What’s our plan B?”

“Plan B is that we allow ourselves to be captured by Phasma and trust that if she can get us out of there, she can get us in,” Ben said.

“That’s a whole lot of trust in Phasma,” Jarek commented.

“I think she’s earned it,” Ben said.

“Me too,” Dagny said. “She’s so fierce. And so clever. She’s certainly earned a promotion, don’t you think, Supreme Leader?”

Rey felt humor and realization thrum through their bond, and she turned to Ben.  _ What is it?  _

He hugged her tight.  _ Dagny seems a bit taken with Phasma, don’t you think? _

Rey tried to stifle a smile.  _ Well spotted. Wonder if the feeling is mutual?  _

_ We can hope. One more reason to believe Phasma can be trusted.  _

Ben cleared his throat. “She’ll be general if she can pull this off. I think it might be helpful if we could rile Hux up a bit beforehand.”

“More than he is already?” Rostam said, delight dancing along with the reflection of the campfire in his eyes. “Fantastic.”

“Apparently Poe taunted him about his mother and called him General Hugs,” Rey said, shrugging. “Seemed to get under his skin. Might be useful knowledge.”

“Well, that does bring my opinion of Dameron up a little. It’s just below sea level now,” Ben said, sardonic. 

Rey bumped her knees into him and snuggled back into him. 

“So, when will Phasma’s people tell Hux we’ve been spotted?” Orvar asked, frowning into the fire. 

“Tomorrow,” Ben answered. He squeezed Rey gently. “We have tonight to rest up—”

“As if he’s gonna get any rest tonight!” Rostam muttered.

“—and prepare,” Ben said. Though she was facing away from him, Rey could sense the murderous glance he shot at Rostam. “I say we take advantage.”

The small group murmured their agreement and started to disperse to their huts, leaving Rey and Ben alone by the fire. Neither made a move to go. 

Ben’s fingers carded through her hair, and Rey leaned into the touch. 

“We should sleep,” he whispered.

“Yes, but Rostam’s right. That’s really not what I want to do,” Rey said with a laugh. Ben laughed too and set his chin on her shoulder, resting. “There’s another thing I ought to do, too.”

She felt Ben poke around in her mind, and he hummed in disapproval. “Why don’t you tell her after?”

“I need to be honest with her. I’m going to help you with a coup to take back the First Order. That’s… actively working against the Resistance, Ben. But she has to hear it from me, and I have to tell her that my intentions are good with this.”

“And what is General Organa going to do with this information?”

“Your mother.”

Rey felt his temper spike. “Her first priority is being a general, so that’s how I’ll address her,” he said acidly. 

Rey blew out a breath. “I don’t know. Understand? Forgive me?”

“Why  _ are  _ you helping me?”

Rey turned around to look him in the eye. “You really have to ask me that?” 

For a moment, Ben actually looked sheepish. “No. But...what’s endgame?”

“I get you and your mother talking.”

“That’s not endgame.”

“No, but it’s a step.”

Ben sighed heavily. “I talked to Luke.”

Rey’s world spun. “What? I’ve read about that but thought it must only be myth.”

“It’s not myth. Someone particularly strong can come back, as a ghost, I suppose. He came to me while I was alone in the  _ Falcon. _ ” Rey’s words stumbled over each other as a thousand questions rushed out of her mouth, and Ben kissed her to shut her up. “Everything is fine. I’ll tell you all about it, but maybe not tonight. One thing I should tell you, though… he told me not to give up on my mother. So, what I’m saying is, do what you think you need to do. I just don’t want you to be hurt, Rey, if she doesn’t react like you’re hoping.”

Rey nodded. “I’m prepared for that. I’ve been preparing for this, in a way, since I first felt something for you.” She leaned in and kissed him, long and sweet, then gave him a promise. “I won’t be long. Wait in the hut for me.”

“Good luck,” he said and stole another kiss before leaving her with her thoughts in the firelight.

 

***

 

Rey had to shoo away a porg family before she could hail Leia. This time, there was no Poe for a buffer. There was no buffer at all. Leia appeared in front of her, a sad sort of smile on her face.

“Rey.”

“General Organa. I… is everything all right?”

Leia gave her a slight nod. “We’re safe. Our intelligence is reporting that the First Order have no idea where we are.”

Rey didn’t ask. Leia wouldn’t have told her, and, Rey supposed, she probably shouldn’t know. 

“I wanted you to know that Ben is going to take back the First Order soon.” 

“Just Ben?”

“And the Knights,” Rey said, and took a steadying breath. “And me.”

“I see.” Leia’s voice was distant. “I don’t suppose you can give me any details about when or how this will happen?”

Rey looked to a porg as if the bird could help her. Its eyes widened and it buried its head in its wing. 

“I don’t know how to be loyal to you and the Resistance, and loyal to him at the same time.”

Leia cocked her head, her hair braided beautifully, like a crown. “And you want to be loyal to him.”

“I do, Leia. I... “ Rey squeezed her eyes shut. “I love him. I love your son. I’m  _ in  _ love with him. And we have something that’s bigger than I can explain. Bigger than the Resistance and the First Order. Maybe as big as the galaxy and beyond.” 

“And he understands you like no one else.”

“Exactly,” Rey said.

“Rey, dear girl, that’s how Ben felt about Snoke.”

Rey shook her head. “No. It’s not like that at all. There’s no manipulation here. He’s not twisting my mind, Leia. I can see his thoughts; I can sort through his memories. There’s no lie in him when it comes to me. He’d rather die than hurt me. He loves me, too. And I think… I think if you let him in again, talk to him, this whole thing could be over and there would be peace.”

“So he would give up his position of power, disband the First Order, and comply with the New Republic?”

“I...no. No.”

“Of course he won’t. Rey,” Leia said, her voice pitying and kind. “I can feel how much you love him and believe me, I understand that more than anyone under the stars, but Ben wants power and control. He wants to destroy anything that doesn’t fall in line with him. And you cannot be loyal to both him and the Resistance. It’s not possible.”

“You’re saying I have to choose.” 

“Soon. Very soon.” 

Rey’s eyes stung with tears. She’d wanted nothing more than a family; she somehow managed to find Finn and Poe and Leia, and now she had Ben and the Knights. Miserably, Rey had to admit it figured that she couldn’t keep both. The universe didn’t seem like it wanted her to be happy. 

She changed tack. “Please talk to him, Leia. See him.” Leia looked away. “Luke came to him today.”

“What?”

Rey wiped at her eyes. “He told Ben not to give up on you. Please. Ben… Ben could be gone tomorrow. So could you. Don’t be like Luke and wait too long.” 

Leia was quiet but, as fuzzy as the communication was, Rey could see Leia soften, though still resolute.

Rey nodded. “I’ll send word soon, though I’m sure you’ll hear if Ben was successful before I can get a signal to you. Especially if we weren’t. Goodbye, Leia.”

Rey flipped off the comm before Leia could respond, and turned to the porg. “Some help you were,” she muttered, and the bird cooed in its defense. Rey wiped at her eyes and stood. She needed Ben. She needed to be held and loved and convinced she had a place at his side. She turned off the _Falcon’_ s lights and made her way toward the hut, toward Ben, toward her home.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sir. There is one more thing.” Rey and Ben leaned forward as if Phasma was in the room with them. “The team Hux took with him… there are two loyalists among them. If they get the chance…”
> 
> “Bring him to me alive, Phasma,” Ben said with conviction. “I don’t want them risking their own lives and… I’d like the honor to be mine.”

**Ben**

 

Ben stood on the shore by Maz’s castle, looking toward the horizon, to where Rey and the  _ Falcon  _ would appear any minute. The shuttle was parked in the woods, covered with brush to make it appear they were hiding. The knights were off somewhere, checking their weapons and sharpening their minds for the battle ahead. He sensed Usko coming up behind him.

The other man sighed heavily, looking out over the horizon as well. “You’re going to have to make a choice soon, you know?”

“About the Resistance and Rey’s involvement?”

Usko chuckled. “Okay, you’re going to have to make two choices. I was talking about Rey’s plan to balance the Force. Will you be able to give it up?”

“I won’t have a clue who I am without it,” Ben said. He turned to Usko, smiling sadly. “I left Ben Solo behind to become Kylo Ren. Now I’ve left Kylo to be Ben again. I suppose I can figure out who I am without the Force, take on another name, live another life.”

“But you don’t want to.”

“No. It feels very much like death to me. Does it to you?”

Usko nodded. “I think I’d prefer death. But… I think Rey’s right. What I can’t reason is our part in it. I think perhaps the Force could do this naturally, in its own time. I can’t imagine that we would know better the timing of the balance than it would.”

“Rey is an instrument of the Force. Far more than we are, Usko. It’s no coincidence that she’s figuring this out. She was meant to. The Force has led her here.”

Ben felt Usko studying him. After a moment, his friend chuckled. “I thought Anakin was supposed to be the Chosen One?” 

Ben snorted. “Prophecies mean always looking back to define the future. All I know is that Rey has a purpose, and all I can do is be grateful I’m allowed to be part of it for a while, for whatever reason.”

There was a swooping sound and the  _ Falcon  _ came out of hyperspace, right in their line of sight. They watched as Rey maneuvered the freighter gracefully down to the shore. Ben growled. 

“Piece of kriffing junk. Now we have to fly back in it. Should have thought this plan through more…”

Usko clasped his large hand on Ben’s shoulder. “Fly it with her. It’s your rightful place, after all.”

Ben turned to Usko, a confused and grumpy look on his face. 

Usko chuckled. “The Force works in mysterious ways, my friend. Mysterious ways.”

***

 

Rey ran straight from the ramp to Ben, leaping on him and wrapping her legs around him as they shared a frenzied kiss.

“Oh for pity’s sake, take it into the castle, will you?” Dagny said. 

When Rey released him, Ben turned to her with a brow raised. “Jealous?” 

“Please. I’d rather kiss a sarlacc,” Dagny shot back, but Ben caught the small flash of another creature altogether in Dagny’s mind. Something much prettier and taller, with icy blue eyes. Dagny narrowed her eyes at him; caught prying, Ben looked away.

“Ready?” Rey asked, unperturbed. 

Rostam answered for everyone. “Ready. We should have a few hours before Hux even hears whispers, but we’d better be long gone before then.”

“Going to park your ship here and not so much as say hello, then?” 

Everyone turned toward the voice to see the old pirate queen walking toward them. Rey broke out in another run, hugging Maz happily. Maz hugged back.

“How are you, child? Much better, I think, than you were before.”

Rey beamed at her. “Much. Oh Maz, we should have told you. I didn’t realize you’d be here. We’re trying to lure Hux away so that Ben can get the First Order back.”

“Ah, yes. I’ve heard all about your escape… Ben. It’s Ben again, is it? Always was to me.” Maz leveled a look at Ben, who felt himself shrink under the old woman’s gaze. “So Hux comes here looking for you while you sneak in and take back the First Order.”

“That’s the plan,” Ben answered. 

Maz adjusted her goggles. “Well, I suppose it’s better for you to be running it than Hux. Lesser of two evils. Come on then. You’ll need a good meal before you go off taking over fascist organizations.” 

And with that, Maz turned and started toward her castle. 

  
  


**Rey**

 

Fed and ready for a battle, Rey stepped onto the  _ Falcon  _ with Ben and the Knights. He looked at her nervously.

“I can ask one of the knights to co-pilot,” she said to him, but he shook his head. 

“I want to.”

So she settled in at the controls, Ben in the seat next to her, and began to make preparations for takeoff. She glanced at him. Ben was just staring at the controls, face blank. She reached out and felt something between anxiousness and fear radiating from him. Rey spoke his name softly, and he drew his eyes away from the controls to meet hers. She gave him an encouraging smile. 

“Right,” he said. “Ahch-To.” Then he leaned forward and started to help her at the controls. 

Rey could feel it dancing over her nerves as his fear turned into excitement. When they were done throwing all the switches they needed, he looked at her, beaming. 

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

He glanced up at golden dice hanging above them, dice Rey had never noticed before, closed his eyes for the briefest of seconds, then pulled down the lever that lifted the freighter into the air.

 

***

 

Ben was still smiling when, as they blasted through hyperspace a little while later, the comm alerted them that someone was trying to hail them. 

Rey felt a quiver of trepidation, echoed in Ben beside her. She flipped the comm on. Phasma’s helmeted face appeared. 

She didn’t bother with chit chat. “Supreme Leader, General Hux is on his way to Takodana with a small fleet. He jumped easily at the idea of capturing you himself. As soon as we have word that they have touched down, we’ll start here. Each of my units has several members who are loyal to you, and they’ve been discreetly identifying those who might be...difficult about your takeover. Those who stand against us will be swiftly eliminated.”

Rey felt Ben’s muscles clench. With a wordless agreement between them, she changed their coordinates to the First Order's _Supremacy_. 

    “And how many will have to be eliminated, Captain?" Ben asked.  


“I expect most will fall in line, sir. They’ve been trained well, by me, to take orders. This will be an order, and my plants have been very diligent in starting rumors of Hux’s incompetence. Loss of soldiers will be minimal. The units not aboard the  _ Supremacy  _ won’t know anything has happened until we’re done, and it’s very unlikely they’d rebel.”

Ben nodded to her. “Minimal. Good.”

“Sir. There is one more thing.” Rey and Ben leaned forward as if Phasma was in the room with them. “The team Hux took with him… there are two loyalists among them. If they get the chance…”

“Bring him to me alive, Phasma,” Ben said with conviction. “I don’t want them risking their own lives and… I’d like the honor to be mine.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

“We’ll reach the  _ Supremacy  _ in an hour, Captain.” Ben paused, then looked at Rey before adding, “And may the Force be with you.”

There was a long moment where Phasma said nothing back, and then, with a solemn nod, she answered, “May the Force be with you, too, sir.”

***

 

The sound of the large bay door opening drew the Knights out of their short naps. Rey smiled at the grumblings of Rostam and Jarek and the quiet curses coming from Dagny as she prepared the  _ Falcon  _ for a landing. 

But the opening door exposed chaos within the giant dreadnought. Rey reached over and touched Ben’s arm in alarm, but he was already on his feet, reaching for his lightsaber. Rey landed the freighter with no trouble, despite her hands shaking, and lowered the ramp. 

The Knights were gathered at the top, weapons ready. Rey ran to them, igniting her own saber, and stopped to look out at the battle taking place in the hangar. It was stormtrooper against stormtrooper, blaster fire coloring the air thickly, screams and worse echoing around the high walls. 

“How will we know which ones to fight?” Rey asked. There was literally no difference in any of the stormtroopers. Which was excellent for the First Order, she supposed, when they were all fighting on the same side. 

Jarek’s lips quirked up in a smile. “I say we get down there and see which ones come at us. That will make it pretty clear.”

Everyone turned to Ben, who shrugged. “What he said.” Then he leaned over and gave Rey a kiss. “And we need to find Phasma.” 

“Leave that to me,” Dagny said.

Ben nodded. “Okay. Good plan. And may the Force—”

“Yeah yeah, the Force is with us, let’s go,” Rostam said, and started down the ramp. Ben shook his head at the insubordination, but they all followed Rostam anyway, straight into the thick of it. Only Dagny broke away, headed off to find Phasma.

The chaos was even more evident on the ground. Rey could see down each exit from the hangar, and fighting troopers filled each one. She hardly had time to dwell on it, however, and it took no time to suss out who was with them and who was against. No sooner had they touched the hangar floor than several blasters were aimed straight at them. 

Ben whirled in front of her and blocked a shot that would have hit her if he hadn’t. She’d been too flustered at the battle around her to pay attention, but his heroics snapped her out of it. She sent an apology to him over the bond, which he shook off and then they both turned, back to back. For a moment, it was like the throne room all over again, but this fight was much easier, and they had the Knights as well, not to mention the loyal stormtroopers. And as well as Phasma had trained them, their blaster fire was no match for Force users with lightsabers. 

Rey let the Force take over her body, hacking and slashing at blaster fire before the troopers had even loosed the shot. When a trooper broke to a sprint at her, she allowed herself to draw again from Ben’s techniques, and used the Force to lift him up and let him fall back down to the floor hard enough to knock him unconscious. 

Surprised rippled through her, and it took Rey a moment to process that it was Ben’s. 

_ That was a little dark. _

__ Rey inhaled, then exhaled, pushing the dark out with her breath.  _ Doesn’t suit me. I think I’ll stick to my own techniques. _

__ _ Suit yourself,  _ Ben said, batting away blaster shots back in the direction they came. Then he lifted an arm and sent a shockwave toward the troopers, leveling them. 

It was then that Dagny burst into the hangar with what Rey could only describe as a war cry, Phasma right behind her, shooting. 

_ I guess she found Phasma. _

Rey tossed a smile to Ben through the confusion.  _ And I think the feeling is mutual.  _

Dagny and Phasma reenergized everyone, on their side or not, and the hangar erupted with activity. Lightsabers danced and sliced through the air, one blue in a mass of red streaks. Stormtroopers were falling, or surrendering, with alarming speed. It seemed as though the battle crescendoed, then stopped all at once, won. 

The knights and Ben stood still, breathing hard, as the sounds of a fight faded to silence. Rey was the first to thumb off her lightsaber, and then Phasma lowered her blaster. One by one, all the knights relaxed. 

All around them, stormtroopers were moving, helping injured comrades and making neat lines of the dead. Rey noted, with considerable relief, that the neat lines were short and few. The battle looked far worse than it was.

Phasma nodded in agreement, as if she could hear Rey’s thoughts like Ben. “As I said, not many were opposed to you coming back, Supreme Leader. They’re meant to obey. I daresay this was a nice cleansing. If they couldn’t follow these orders, what would they do on the battlefield?”

Rey flinched inwardly, but Ben was nodding. 

“Agreed,’ he said. “So is Hux still on Takodana? Should we prepare for another battle?”

“Captain Phasma?” 

A stormtrooper inched his way toward their group fearfully. Rey’s heart sank when she realized it was TK-4934. 

“What is it?” Phasma asked. Rey could sense barely-tempered impatience in her words.

“It’s about General Hux, Captain. We’ve received word through our loyalists that he’s left Takodana.”

Phasma turned to Ben. “We have our answer. We must prepare for another battle and soon.”

“No, it’s…” TK-4934 audibly swallowed, and looked to Ben. “They’re not coming here, Captain. Supreme Leader. Apparently he’s figured out where the Resistance is hiding. He’s headed there, sir. Specifically, toward General Organa.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben took the texts, closed the chest and stood up, the Force coursing through him, strongly dark but determined. “I’m going with you.”
> 
> Rey regarded him cautiously. “To protect what’s yours.”
> 
> “Yes. The First Order is rightfully mine,” he answered without hesitation, then added, “And I’ll be damned if he touches General Organa.” Ben looked down at the texts and blinked away something in his eye. “My mother. Rey, I’ve been too merciful. Too merciful for too long..."

**Ben**

It didn’t take long to get the finer details, what little they knew: after discovering their deceit on Takodana, Hux had received intelligence about the Resistance from a First Order spy who was still loyal to him, and had immediately changed his course. Though the Resistance fleet was gathered in the Mon Calamari dockyards, the General herself was not with them. She was in the Royal Palace, working on an agreement with the Mon Calamari government for new ships, and other than the Palace guards, she was essentially unprotected.

Ben stared at TK-4934 for a long moment and then, without a word, turned and walked away. He heard Rey calling after him, but her voice was as murky as the churning water around Ahch-To.  

The route he needed to take was familiar: two long hallways and a turbo lift toward the living quarters, the tightly secured ones, where high-ranking officers and other officials rested their weary bodies at night. But when he got to the most familiar part of the route, Ben made a sharp left turn, away from his old rooms, and towards another set of rooms altogether.

He didn’t bother with his saber. Ben raised his arm and used the Force to rip the metal door to shreds, which curled inwardly toward the rooms inside. Ben stepped through and then igniting his lightsaber, deciding it might be necessary if Hux had programmed any of his droids to protect his living space.

Just a few days ago he’d entered this room in a much more civilized fashion, under the guise of checking in on Hux’s new beacon plans. He had no time for civility now.

When nothing came at him, Ben decided he was safe and knelt in front of a chest at the foot of Hux’s bed, opening the lid. The meager remaining items from Hux’s childhood were in this chest, and Ben fought a wave of disgust for the man’s nostalgia as he shoved it aside, until he had dug straight down to the metal bottom. The bottom was false. It took no effort to pry it up and find what he’d come for: the ancient Sith texts.

Quick, light footsteps grew stronger until they stopped just behind him, and Ben turned to Rey.

“The texts? You hid them in Hux’s room?”

“He watched me do it. It’s always been very easy to convince that idiot he saw nothing.”

Rey smiled briefly, but then tears filled her eyes. “Ben. I have to go. I can’t let him…”

Ben nodded. “It’s a trap, you know?”

“I know. But trap or not, he will kill her. The Resistance is stronger now. Losing Leia will be hard to take, but it won’t cripple their army. He’s just using Leia to draw me out.”

“No, it’s me he’s after, Rey. If he can kill me, take back the First Order and get rid of their best general in one shot, he’s going to do it.” Ben sighed. “It’s what I would have done.”

He felt curiosity blossom within her. “Would have?”

Ben took the texts, closed the chest and stood up, the Force coursing through him, strongly dark but determined. “I’m going with you.”

Rey regarded him cautiously. “To protect what’s yours.”

“Yes. The First Order is rightfully mine,” he answered without hesitation, then added, “And I’ll be damned if he touches General Organa.” Ben looked down at the texts and blinked away something in his eye. “My mother. Rey, I’ve been too merciful. Too merciful for too long. Do you know what I’m saying?”

Rey swallowed, then nodded. “I understand. I mean, I’m not sure I… I’m conflicted, I guess. But I understand.”

Ben shook his head. “That’s not good enough. I need you to _know_ . I need you to know why this is necessary to me, to the First Order, to the galaxy. When my saber slices him to pieces, I want you to know that even if I’m using the dark side, even if I take _joy_ in watching the life drain out of that man, it’s not just for me. There is something much bigger at stake here.”

“You’re protecting me. You’re protecting Leia. Your soldiers. Phasma.”

“Yes, but the Resistance too, in a way. And thousands of others we may not even know. A future we can only have if Hux is dead and I am Supreme Leader.”

Rey took a long moment to process that. Ben felt the turmoil within her, bubbling and bubbling until it settled. She lifted her eyes to his. “You know that I believe in the Resistance. That’s why I didn’t take your hand after you killed Snoke. You know I’d die for that idea.” Ben winced, both at the thought of Rey dying, and the mention of the rejection that still stung, after everything they’d been through and all this time. “But I think you know what I want for you, too, and I think you leading the First Order is perhaps the only way that can happen. Ben, will you promise me, when it’s all said and done and Hux is gone, that you’ll talk to Leia? That you’ll try? Not just to reconcile with your mother but because you…”

Rey’s voice broke, and she shook her head and tried again. “You might be our only hope, Ben. For peace.”

“Rey, my mother and I may have very different ideas about how peace can be achieved.” It was the most generous way he could express the doubt he had.

“Please.”

Because his voice didn’t seem to work, Ben nodded.

Phasma stepped through the mess he’d made of Hux’s door, followed by some of the stormtroopers and the Knights of Ren. Rostam removed his helmet and his lightsaber, and knelt down in front of Ben, holding them both out to the Supreme Leader. The other knights followed suit, and so did Phasma and her stormtroopers, holding out blasters instead of lightsabers.

Ben smiled at them, sadly. “You’ve already shown me your loyalty. There’s no need for a pledge of fealty. Phasma…”

The captain rose.

“I name you General of the First Order.” Phasma bowed her head deeper. “But I’m also going to name you my regent.” Phasma looked up, stunned. “There are things I have to take care of, to insure the First Order that remains is loyal to me. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, so I leave my army in your capable hands.”

“Sir,” Phasma said, affirming his words but surprise coloring her voice.

“I’m going to take the knights with me. I trust that repairs will be made to the ship while I’m gone and proper funerals given to the dead.” Ben glanced at the other stormtroopers, whose faces had turned sour. “They were all First Order soldiers once. They deserve honor in death.”

“Sir,” one of the stormtroopers replied, saluting.

“Now,” Ben said, looking at the small group of people he trusted, “any of you have any thoughts on how to get inside the Mon Calamari Palace?”

Rey cringed, and raised her hand.

  


**Rey**

 

“Poe!” The pilot’s face on the _Falcon_ ’s holo sent a shockwave of relief through Rey. “The general. Where is she?”

Poe’s handsome smile fell. “Rey, I uh…”

“You’re under orders, I get it. Then I won’t ask.” Rey darted a glance to Ben, who was standing next to the holo so that Poe had no idea he was there. “I’m on my way to her. To Dac. Poe, Hux is on his way too, with a small fleet. He plans on assassinating Leia. We should get there first, we’re closer, but I need you to try to get her somewhere safe.”

“And I suppose you know this because your darksider friend told you,” Poe said, and Rey could tell he was crossing his arms even if she couldn’t see anything but his head.

“Not just Ben, Poe. The First Order has people who support Ben with Hux right now, reporting back his every move.” Rey shook her head. “I understand why you wouldn’t believe me, but I’m not lying, I promise. I don’t lie. To you or to Ben. It’s the only way I can be true to myself. Do you understand?”

“I don’t think I could ever understand how you feel what you do for him, Rey,” Poe said. He looked away. “I knew him, you know? When we were boys.”

Rey nodded.

“His father was a good man. A hero. And if you’d been in that village that night…” Poe stopped talking for a moment and shook his head. With a growl, he added, “I always knew there was something wrong with him. Something off inside of him, Rey. I hope to hell you know what you’re doing.”

“Please, Poe. Try to find Leia. Get her to safety. I’m coming as fast as I can.”

Rey shut off the holo and Ben sat next to her. She could feel his anger roiling just below the surface.

But Ben said nothing, and the stars passed them by silently.

After a few long moments, Usko’s voice echoed through the hallway to the cockpit, calling for them. The shorter knight appeared, an opened Sith text in his hands.

“I have some bad news,” he said, and turned the book around so that they could see. A rough sketch of a kyber crystal with beautiful slanted writing around it that Rey couldn’t read filled both of the pages they could see. “There’s no way to put power into the crystals. We can change them with our will, but even if we fill them up with power, the Force will replace what we’ve given away with more.”

Ben leaned his head back against the seat. “So we’re essentially a well that will never dry up.”

Usko nodded. “Every time we take a bucket of water out, more will seep back in.”

Rey cursed.  

“But,” Usko said, “if I’m translating this correctly, I think the Sith believed that the crystals are the roots of the Force’s power. In other words, they’re what bind the power to the physical plane. I’m not one hundred percent certain, but that’s the nearest I can make out with this old language.”

Ben sat up, cocking his head. “Let me see that,” he said, taking the book before Usko could comply. He squinted at the text. “Damn. I can’t read it either. I used to have books with all these ancient dialects in them. Even if I could go back to the house in Chandrila, I doubt my mother kept them around after I…probably as soon as I left for Jedi training, really.”

“No,” Rey said, a slight smile turning up her lips. “But she did keep See-Threepio.”

“In that case, it looks we need my mother for more than just ending this war, because Force knows he won’t talk to me without her permission,” Ben said sardonically. He closed the book and tucked it under his arm. Rey raised a brow and sent a message of warning through the bond.

He shrugged it off. “There’s a reason these texts call to me, Rey. I’m not Sith, but I think like one. I should probably be the one to figure this out, if we can convince Leia to listen.”

“Honestly, I’d be more worried about getting See-Threepio to talk to you. He’ll probably short circuit just seeing you again,” Rey said, and in spite of it all, she and Ben had to laugh.

  


***

 

When they entered Dac’s atmosphere, Rey gasped and clutched her chest.

“Rey?” Ben asked, concerned.

“It’s… it’s all water. The whole planet is water?”

Rey felt her happiness turn into Ben’s happiness inside him. “Yes. Surely you met Admiral Ackbar in the Resistance. I know my mother had to keep him around. Smart guy, kind of...fish-like? This is his home planet.”

“Ackbar. Right. He’s gone, Ben. He was on the bridge when… well, the hit that should have killed your mother.”

Ben took that in, then nodded solemnly. Rey looked back out the window, incredulous.

“It’s just so much water. Everywhere.” Rey let go of the controls and Ben took over. “Where do we even land?”

“If you don’t mind, I think I can help with this,” Jarek said, stepping into the cockpit. “I was here not that long ago.”

Rey turned to Ben with a questioning look.

_Jarek has been on a few assignments._

Rey pursed her lips. _Do I want to know?_

 _There’s a reason my mother is here._ Ben shrugged. _The Mon Calamari make excellent cruisers. We wanted to copy them._

_So he was stealing plans?_

Ben wrinkled his nose. _Stealing is a strong word. More like committing the specs to his excellent memory so we could emulate the workmanship. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, is it not?_

Rey sighed as if exasperated by Ben’s answer, but chuckled. _You have your father’s gift for talking yourself out of trouble, you know?_

_I can admit I learned from the best._

“... just set her down over there, I’ve got the security code…” Jarek was saying as Rey had the side conversation with Ben. She followed Jarek’s instructions and a Mon Calamari lieutenant hailed them. Ben and Jarek ducked out of sight.

“Who are you and why are you here?” the lieutenant asked.

Rey straightened; she wasn’t used to getting straight to the point. “I’m Rey, sir. I’m in the Resistance and I’m here for General Leia.”

“Rey who?”

“Um. Just Rey?” Rey said, and apparently that was the wrong answer. The Mon Calamari frowned, his fishy whiskers bobbing. “Rey of Jakku.”

Then another voice spoke up, this one blessedly familiar. “Give her clearance, Lieutenant. She’s a Jedi.”

“Finn!” Rey yelled, delighted. Finn’s face filled the holo. “Oh stars, I’m glad to see you.”

Finn stared at her, cold. “Poe is with Leia, trying to get her to safety. We’re on the alert for First Order ships. Also, we’ll need to inspect the _Falcon_ after you land.”

“Okay, I understand,” Rey said. She could understand the distrust, but this felt like something more. “I... I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

“I’m happy you’re safe, Rey. You are safe, right? He hasn’t hurt you?”

Rey glanced at Ben, then shook her head. “No. He’d never hurt me. Finn, I…”

“You’ve got clearance to land on Dock E. Everyone should stay aboard during the inspection.”

Rey nodded, tears stinging her eyes. “Right. Okay.”

Ben reached over and shut off the comm. “Rey,” he said, but she wouldn’t look at him. He bent down, eye level. “Rey,” he repeated.

“He hates me. Finn hates me,” Rey whispered.

“Kid’s heartbroken is all,” Jarek said. “You chose an enemy over him. So it’s a little like betrayal on top of it.”

Ben shot Jarek a look that clearly told him to shut up. Rey finally looked at him. “Chose? I didn’t know he was even an option.”

Ben smiled at her in a pitying way. “Sweetheart, he came after you on a suicide mission, knowing he’d have to fight his old friends who believed he was a traitor. Knowing he’d eventually have to face me if he wanted you back.”

“I know but he was just being a good friend. That’s what friends do. They fight for each other.”

Ben put his hand on Rey’s. “He wanted to kill me when he thought I’d hurt you in the forest. The Force was so dark it was nearly blinding. And I hated him the moment I realized how much he cared for you. He hated me too. Obviously still does, not that I can blame him. What he sees is that you chose the guy who captured you instead of the guy who freed you. Although, if it helps any, I don’t think either of us really chose this, but he can’t understand that. No one can.”

Rey blinked tears out of her eyes. “What do I do?”

“Any guy worth the spit to shine his boots will keep on being your friend,” Jarek said, putting a surprisingly gentle hand on Rey’s shoulder. “Now let’s set her down and get moving.”

Rey nodded and began landing procedures. “Just one thing… you know the Resistance is going to take you as prisoners as soon as you’re spotted.”

Jarek turned to Ben, a brow raised. “Jedi mind tricks, Supreme Leader?”

Ben shook his head, a mischievous smile on his face. “No. I can probably talk my way out of it.”

Jarek just laughed.

Rey landed the _Falcon_ with a slight bump and lowered the ramp, then she and Ben and Jarek joined the other knights, ready to submit weapons for inspection and probably be taken into custody. But before any of the Resistance could board the freighter to do just that, an alarm sounded and the whole landing dock shook.

Ben’s lightsaber was out with a hiss before Rey could process what was going on and, dazedly, she ignited hers too as the other knights joined her.

General Hux was here.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She watched as the sweetness of Ben melted away into Kylo Ren’s hardened features.
> 
> He turned toward her, eyebrows coming together in question.
> 
> “Ben,” Rey whispered, and he shook his head slightly. Rey stared at him, searching his eyes, and understood.
> 
> Ben Solo wasn’t a killer, so he couldn’t be Ben right now. He needed to be someone else. Someone that perhaps he was not, not anymore.

**Rey**

 

Finn was the first person Rey saw as she ran down the ramp behind Ben.

“Finn!”

Finn raised a blaster at Ben, ready to shoot. He’d clearly been planning on it, perhaps even hoping for it. Ben, to Rey’s surprise, held his hands up, saber in the air. The knights did the same.

“Where’s my mother?”

Finn raised the blaster a touch higher. “You think I’d tell you that?”

“Hux is after her. FN...Finn. She’s in danger.”

“No kidding. Your friends are blowing up this whole place.”

Ben took a step forward, arms still raised, and Finn’s response was to turn off the “stun” setting on his blaster.

“It’s a distraction. I know Hux’s techniques. He’ll make you scramble and get your ships in the air, but he’s already on the ground. He’s after _her,_ Finn. Not the Resistance.” Ben took a breath, and Rey could feel the fear running coldly through him. “Please.”

Finn glanced at Rey, who nodded. He didn’t lower his blaster, but he said, “She’s in the palace still. Poe was going to try to get her to a bunker. Hopefully he succeeded.”

Another blast hit the dock, and everyone rocked violently before regaining their balance. Ben nodded to Finn. “I’m going after her. In the meantime, don’t send too many men to the air to fight back. Hux’s men have the advantage and they just want to weaken your fleet. Don’t let them, and don’t let the Mon Calamari, either. Strike back from the ground and don’t waste your ships. Aim for the wings of the TIEs. Throws the whole thing off balance and they go down easy after that.”

“You don’t think I know that already?” Finn realigned his blaster aim on Ben’s chest. “And we don’t take orders from you. We don’t have a supreme leader in the Resistance.”

“I’m not a supreme leader today, I’m just trying to save my mother.” Ben lowered his arms, and Finn ducked to get eye level with his blaster sighter. Ben raised his arms again.

“Yeah, and I watched you murder your own father.”

“Finn, you can kill me later. I’ll gladly let you. But please, let me save my mother first.”

“Please, Finn,” Rey said desperately. “He’s not lying. I feel everything he feels. He’s on our side, at least with this.”

The whole dock shook again as Hux’s fleet swooped overhead, shooting. Finn met Rey’s eyes for a long moment, then he lowered his blaster, resigned. “Go,” he said. “Don’t make me regret it.”

Ben started immediately toward the palace, knights following, but Rey stopped in front of Finn, tears filling her eyes again.

“Finn, I’m so sorry. You know I’d never…”

“I know. At least I think I do. Do I still know you, Rey?”

She took his hand. “I’m still me, I promise.”

“Hurry,” Finn said, squeezing her hand then dropping it. “And come back. Promise me you’ll come back.”

Rey nodded and took off running after Ben and the knights, knowing Finn wasn’t just talking about living through the battle.

  


***

 

They found the palace guards slumped by the doors. Dagny knelt down and pressed a thumb to the wrist of one of the men.

“Just stunned, but it must have been a strong shock. They’re not getting up for a while.”

“And who knows how long they’ve been unconscious,” Ben said before pushing past the guards and into the palace itself.

Rey followed, and though she should have been paying attention to her surroundings, looking for Hux and his ilk and on alert, she was trying to feel Ben out. The Force was thick with darkness, which Rey had expected. Hux’s time in the living world was coming to an end and she didn’t think anything in the galaxy could change that, and she wouldn’t try to stop it. But there was something different about Ben now. Carefully, so that maybe he wouldn’t sense her prying, she reached through their bond and listened in on Ben’s thoughts.

He was thinking of his mother, not any one memory but snatches of a few. Words more than images. _...so like_ _Vader. So much darkness. We have to send him to Luke. There’s nothing I can do for him now._

She didn’t feel anger within him at the memories, only a desire to bring the anger back. Bring back the feelings of abandonment and inadequacy. Bring back the hurt. He was trying to hold on desperately to the dark side.

And he was succeeding. She watched as the sweetness of Ben melted away into Kylo Ren’s hardened features.

He turned toward her, eyebrows coming together in question.

“Ben,” Rey whispered, and he shook his head slightly. Rey stared at him, searching his eyes, and understood.

Ben Solo wasn’t a killer, so he couldn’t be Ben right now. He needed to be someone else. Someone that perhaps he was not, not anymore.

She laid a hand on his arm and squeezed, signaling that she understood and still loved him.

Somewhere off to their right, screams and pleading broke out in Mon Calamarian, sounds of panic that no one needed to translate to understand.

Ben...Kylo… turned to his knights, and with jerk of his head sent them off toward the screaming, sabers raised. Jarek was the last to go, and he and Ben locked eyes in a silent exchange, then Jarek nodded.

“The bunker is under the ballroom, two levels below it, then through a tunnel to your left.”

Ben thanked his friend, and then Jarek was gone, leaving Ben and Rey alone to find Leia. They continued through the palace silently. If she’d had time to stop and gawk, she would have. It was a strange place. Opulent as she would have guessed, but where there should have been a grand staircase going up, the stairs went down. They were going down into the sea, Rey realized, and the walls were made of thick transparasteel, allowing the inhabitants of the palace to feel at one with the ocean. Outside, sea life drifted by, vibrant and oblivious to the danger within the palace. Several creatures just like Admiral Ackbar swam by, dressed in what could only be described as glamorous sea finery, evoking scales and coral. The world outside seemed so calm and quiet, and Rey was envious of the creatures beyond the walls.

Rey said a silent prayer to the Force that Poe had managed to get Leia to a bunker and that they hadn’t run into Hux on the way. She and Ben continued on, prickly and on edge at the thought of being caught off guard, and they wound their way down several more flights of stairs before entering a tunnel that was as dark as night. The walls here were stone, thickly cut, prepared to take on blasts from both air and water. Rey and Ben ignited their lightsabers, both to be ready for whatever came their way and to provide some light.

They could make out a door forty paces ahead in the eerie lavender glow of their sabers, closed with an ancient and stubborn-looking lock made of hundreds of gears and cogs. Ben (Kylo now more than ever) stretched out a hand toward them but Rey gently pushed his arm down and raised her own instead.

 _Save your strength,_ she whispered through the bond, and mustered a wave of the Force that didn’t just move the cogs to unlock the door, it ripped them from the door altogether. They fell to the floor in a resonant peal. Rey reached for the handle and the door swung open without resistance.

There was light inside the bunker room, enough light that Rey could see everything inside of it, and before she could process the picture she let out a scream.

Leia was sitting in a chair in the middle of the room, bound and gagged with First Order contraptions that Rey recognized right away: the kind that took away Force power. Hux was next to her, happier than Rey had ever seen him, an exaggerated sneer on his pallid face, and flanked by no less than a dozen stormtroopers, blasters aimed right at her and Ben. There were several bodies lying around them--Mon Calamari guards and diplomats, perhaps some of the royal family but Rey couldn’t tell. The only body she recognized was Poe Dameron’s, which was unmoving, bloody, and twisted in an unnatural way.

Rey felt the dark side well up within her, and an inhuman sound came from her throat.

Ben turned to her, his eyes as intense as they were when they were wrapped in each other’s arms, or when he said I love you. _Don’t. Let me. I’ve already fallen. Don’t blacken your soul, too._

Then he straightened and looked at Hux, all the darkness and hatred within aimed at one man.

Hux smiled. “I knew you’d come. So easy to read. Always have been. It makes you soft. I wagered she was your biggest soft spot, and then when I heard you couldn’t even fire on her…” Hux made a tsking sound. “Really. The great Kylo Ren. Too broken from killing his daddy, couldn’t bear to do it to mummy, too? Weakness.”

Ben glanced at his mother, who was staring at Hux with the same coldness Rey knew so well in Ben. She could only imagine the curses that would have come from Leia’s mouth if she hadn’t been gagged.

“Congratulations, Armitage. You were right. I’m here. And I’m going to kill you now.”

“I hoped you’d say so,” Hux said, and the stormtroopers adjusted their grips on their blasters. “Go ahead and try. Maybe you can do it before they kill you, but what does it matter? Everyone in this room will die along with us. And you don’t want that, do you?”

Rey stepped toward Poe’s body and all the sudden, every blaster was aimed at her.

“Rey,” Ben warned softly.

Hux laughed, a hollow, metallic sound. “And then there’s the other soft spot. I knew the minute you stepped off your shuttle with the junk rat in your arms that I’d won. Snoke was smart enough to use your feelings for her, but not smart enough to understand what a weapon they could be against you.”

“Against me?” Ben scoffed. “I killed Snoke for less than this.”

Hux leaned against the chair where Leia was sitting and Rey knew if she was able, the general would have hissed at him.

“What was your plan, Ben Solo? Storm in here, save darling mummy and the galaxy in one fell swoop, and all would be forgiven?” Hux laughed again. “Honestly, Ren, you can read minds, can’t you? What is your mother thinking right now? Is she thinking about forgiving you, or has she written you off forever? _Do tell_.”

Though Ben’s face didn’t betray it at all, Rey felt the flinch of pain inside him.

“Why don’t you tell Hugs here about how the First Order was completely loyal to you and couldn’t wait for you to take over again?” Rey said to Ben, and while she talked, she glanced upward at the stone over their heads, like she was bored with the conversation. There were cracks in the ceiling. Well-placed cracks. _Moving rocks._ “Or that Snoke believed he was just...what were his words… a _rabid cur_? Isn’t that what Snoke called him?”

Ben’s smile was both grateful and wicked. “Those were his exact words, sweetheart. Snoke thought Hux had outlived his usefulness. Thanks for reminding me.”

Hux’s sneer faltered for a second, but then he lifted his nose higher in the air. “At least I wasn’t a total disappointment. How many times did you have to grovel...”

As Hux droned on about his superiority and Ben’s shortcomings, Rey spoke through the bond. _Ben, I think I can bring the stone ceiling down on the troopers. I just don’t know if I can protect your mother and Poe while I do it._

Ben didn’t look at her, but his lips twitched. _I can shield them. But give me a minute…_

Rey started to ask through the bond what he needed a minute for, but she saw the fingers on his left hand turn toward the first stormtrooper in the line, then the next, then the next, and she understood: Phasma said there were loyals among Hux’s fleet. He wanted to spare as many lives as he could, and he was sifting through their minds for a sign of their allegiance.

_The one there, fourth from the end. Let’s do what we can, okay?_

Rey gave him an almost imperceptible nod. _On my count. One, two, three!_

The Force rushed through Rey like a giant fist and pulled at the stones above their heads. There was a thunderous sound as one gigantic stone broke away, and then ten others and then ten more. Next to her, Ben threw up his hands, directing the stones away from his mother and away from Poe and, somehow also willing most of the stones away from the faithful trooper. Dust and debris filled the bunker, gray like smoke but cloudier, and then the only sounds were painful moans and Rey coughing.

But then the air cleared. All but one trooper lay dead. The loyal one was alive but hurt, lying on the ground and struggling to get up. Leia and Poe were covered in dust but unhurt, and Hux stood fuming, pale face red and furious under the dirt.

“Sorcery. Doesn’t matter,” he spat. “I have a fleet with me.”

Ben nodded knowingly. “My knights have made short work of them, I’m sure. And by now the Mon Calamari have shot down all your TIEs in the sky. It was a mistake to come here, Hux. To think you could win. I have the First Order.”

“And I have your mother!” Hux screamed, spittle flying from his trembling lips. He drew a blaster from his belt and pressed the barrel to the back of Leia’s head.

Rey felt it when the bottom dropped out of Ben’s world.

“Don’t,” he said quietly. “You kill her and the entire galaxy will want to hunt you down.”

“But won’t it be worth it to see you crying and sniveling like the weak thing you are,” Hux said, and flicked his thumb, taking the “stun” setting off his blaster with a click.

“I don’t think so, you bastard,” said a mechanical voice, and a click just like the one before sounded in the room. The loyal stormtrooper was up and his blaster dug into the side of Hux’s thick skull. “Drop your weapon or I’ll paint the walls with your brains.”

For a moment, time stalled and the bunker was eerily silent. Then Hux, paler than Rey had ever seen him, finally seemed to get some sense. He raised his hands up and slowly bent down to set his weapon on the floor, the stormtrooper holding the blaster to his head the whole time. The trooper kicked Hux’s blaster toward Rey, and she picked it up and tucked it into her belt before running to Leia’s side. She knelt behind the general, looking at the strange restraints, and closed her eyes. She sent herself into the bond, into Ben’s memories, and learned from him once again. Determinedly, she waved her hands over the restraints and used the Force to see inside the mechanism. Just a small push of power toward the circuits inside and she shut them down. The restraints opened and fell to the floor with a clank. Leia sprang up and Rey caught her, and the two women hugged each other hard. More quickly than she wanted, Rey let go of her and pulled her toward Poe and away from Hux, whose hands were still in the air, blaster still pointed at his head.

The sound of Ben’s lightsaber igniting made Rey turn and look, and Ben was stepping toward Hux, his face a portrait of rage, the dark side swelling around him. He was Kylo once more.

He spoke to Hux, his voice not much more than a low growl. “You don’t deserve this to be quick. You deserve a traitor’s death. You’ve threatened the First Order and the galaxy. You’ve threatened the people I love.” Ben straightened, and it _was_ Ben then. The dark side ebbed slightly, and Rey could feel calm and peace radiating from Ben’s center. “How fortunate for you that I’ve grown weary of punishment. Of violence. I only wish now for you to be gone and everyone safe.”

Ben glanced at Rey and pulled some of her light to him. It battled his darkness, forcing it back further, a perfectly balanced swirl of both within him. He wanted Hux’s blood, _Maker_ how he wanted it, but he also was being honest: he was tired of lusting for blood. Tired of destroying. Tired of causing pain.

Ben looked back to Hux, took a deep breath through his nose, raised his saber, and struck a killing blow.

Hux fell to the floor in two pieces.

Rey didn’t scream at the horror of it. A larger horror was going on inside her head, in the bond, where she could feel Ben split in two inside himself; the dark gleeful and triumphant, the light in mourning for the life taken. The trooper lowered his now useless weapon; the only sounds Rey could hear were Ben’s ragged breathing and her own heart pounding.

Ben dropped his lightsaber, fell to his knees, and lifted his tired eyes toward her and Leia. Then, in a voice as broken as he was, he whispered, “Mom.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tears were running down his face, dripping off his chin, and he let them come. He was past the point of caring, and the release felt too damned good to stop. Maker, how long had he wanted to cry these particular tears? To be near his mother again and let the agony out?

**Ben**

 

The silence stretched on for an eternity, and Ben wished that if his mother wouldn’t speak to him, she’d at least have the mercy to put him to death, then and there. 

Tears were running down his face, dripping off his chin, and he let them come. He was past the point of caring, and the release felt too damned good to stop. Maker, how long had he wanted to cry these particular tears? To be near his mother again and let the agony out? He squeezed his eyes shut and hung his head.

Then there was a hand on him, warm, cupping his cheek, and he opened his eyes to see the golden brown of his mother’s staring back at him. 

“Son,” she said to him. 

“Mom,” he repeated, voice tight. “I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to say I’m sorry for everything. I don’t think there is a way…”

He leaned into her, and she wrapped her arms around him, and this... _ this  _ he would take and cherish. If she couldn’t forgive him, he at least had this. 

She pulled away, and her eyes were brimming over with tears. “Is there any way,  _ any _ way you can be my sweet boy again? I’ve missed that boy so much. I just want him back.”

Ben looked at his mother and wished with every bit of his soul that he could say yes, but he could never be that boy again. He could take back the name, let the light back inside himself, but the scars were too deep. The best he could give her was the good inside him that was still left.

A deep groan had both of them turning toward Rey and Poe, who was stirring. 

“Poe! Oh, thank the Maker!” Rey said tearfully. “I’ll find a medical droid.”

“Leave that to me,” said the stormtrooper, and Ben started at his voice. He’d truthfully forgotten anyone else was in the room. The trooper started to leave the bunker and Ben called to him. 

“Soldier, you may want to leave that uniform behind. At least until loyalties can be sorted out, you probably don’t want to approach the Mon Calamari in that.”

The stormtrooper nodded and reached up to remove his helmet. A young man was underneath, handsome and…just  _ so young _ . Ben didn’t ask his age; that didn’t matter when a soldier had proven his loyalty as he’d done and he wouldn’t belittle him by asking, but it pained him to think of how many First Order soldiers were barely more than boys.

Things were going to have to change. 

“And thank you,” Ben added, and the trooper merely nodded. He shrugged out of the rest of his armor and left it behind on the bunker floor. Ben turned back to his mother. She was looking at him with an expression he couldn’t read exactly, but it fell somewhere between curiosity and caution. He realized he still couldn’t feel her Force signature; she was still keeping him out. 

“We have a lot to talk about,” he said finally, lamely. Her eyes got a little colder at that, and he rushed to take it back. “But we don’t have to. I understand.” Ben darted a glance at Rey, who was trying to help Poe stand up, and Rey met his eyes with soft encouragement pushing through the bond. “I can’t be Ben again. Not like you want me to be. But I’m not Kylo Ren anymore either. I’m not quite sure who I am, really. After I killed Snoke I didn’t really know… “ He stopped, knowing he was rambling. Leia remained silent. He gathered himself and tried another tack. “I’m glad you’re okay. I’ll find the knights and get out of here. You don’t have to see me again.”

Ben turned to go and suddenly he could feel his mother’s Force signature light up like a planet exploding. 

“Ben Lando Solo, you will not just walk out of here. You’re damned right we have things to talk about, and don’t you think for a minute you’re going to get out of any of this. There are consequences for your actions, young man, and not just with me. Lawful consequences. And I love you, Ben, I love you more than you could possibly understand, but I can’t let you out of those, either.” 

Ben smiled, so relieved to hear his mother be a mother again, to feel her anger. He actually hoped for more. He’d take every bit of rage she could spew at him. He turned to her, not disguising a smirk. “Really? It kind of runs in the family to live outside the law, doesn’t it?”

“That is so beside the point.” Leia shook her head at him, but she was smiling too, through tears. “Oh Ben…”

He closed the distance to her in a flash and wrapped his arms around her, sobbing into her intricately braided hair. And he knew there was no way to apologize for everything he’d done, but maybe if he said the feeble words enough, he could make up for it.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry…” 

“Shhh, son. I know, I can feel it pouring off you. But Ben…” his mother pulled back from him, tearful. “I’m serious. I can’t let you walk out of here, but I can make sure you have a fair trial.”

“Trial?” Ben’s lips twitched, anger returning to him like an old friend. “I’m the Supreme Leader of the First Order. You can arrest me but you’re just asking for the Order’s wrath. And it hasn’t been my intention to wipe out the Resistance; in fact, I’ve been using my position to make sure that doesn’t happen. But with me in your custody, that would be out of my hands. I couldn’t tell them to stand down.”

Leia narrowed her eyes. “That sounds like a threat.”

“Just stating the facts. You arrest me, the First Order shows no mercy.” Rey shot him a look, desperate and alarmed. Ben relented, even if his temper was howling inside him. “So why don’t we talk, Mother? Leader to leader. Surely we can come to some sort of agreement.”

“Agreement.” Leia scoffed. “You mean you want to talk your way out of a trial.”

“I want our two sides to give up trying to annihilate each other,” Ben said, then shrugged. “And yes, maybe talk my way out of a trial.”

“You have too much of your father in you sometimes.”

Though Leia’s eyes sparkled with humor and what might have also been pride, Ben felt himself go cold inside. “You’re not the first person to say that to me. I’m not sure it’s a compliment.”

Before Leia could respond, a team of Resistance fighters in olive drab uniforms ran into the bunker, blasters poised to fire. Ben raised his hand, knowing he could take out the fools with the Force if he had to. Leia held up her hand too with, Ben noted, some panic, signaling them to halt. 

“Stand down. He’s just killed the man who threatened my life, and I think we were just about to come to an understanding.” 

“Were we?”

Leia looked to Ben, who was having trouble hearing anything but the pounding blood in his ears. “My people will demand justice.They deserve it. But come willingly now and I can promise you that we will try to find some common ground, and I will protect you all I can.”

“And if I don’t?”

“Then I suppose it will have to be unwillingly.” 

“And if we’re unable to reach a compromise, I’ll go to trial.”

Leia nodded. “You might anyway, no matter what agreement we reach. It’s justice, Ben, and there’s a lot to be reconciled.”

Ben glanced at his mother’s soldiers. “Your men won’t be able to hold me.”

Leia sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. “Perhaps not. But more importantly, if you run, nothing will have changed. We go back to being on opposite sides of a war. We’ll keep on losing men and ships and Maker knows what else. You’ll be Supreme Leader, but you won’t be Ben. Not really.”

“And you actually believe things can change?”

“I think they have to, don’t you?”

Ben paused, thinking, weighing the options, anger boiling inside him: at the situation, at himself, at his mother… at all the strides he’d been making but the injustice of still coming up short. Briefly, he pictured himself lashing out at the Resistance soldiers, releasing that anger and striking them all down. The satisfaction of it, the  _ release  _ of it. Then, a small hand slipped into his and he turned to see Rey’s big hopeful eyes looking up at him. 

Light filled him. Her gorgeous light. He closed his eyes and then opened them again, seeing her in brilliant, warm white. “They’ll put me to death, Rey. If we can’t form a compromise. Maybe even if we can.”

Rey took in that information like someone had punched her in the gut. She bent over a little, leaning into Ben’s arm like she needed help staying upright. When she spoke, her voice was small and trembling. “You remember what I said? About how if you died…” 

He kissed the top of her head and wrapped an arm around her, enfolding her small body into his. “I know. But you and Maz both have told me, and Luke, in his strange way… It’s time for a reckoning. I need to go.”

Ben turned to his mother. Her look of caution was gone and in its place was one of pride. 

He swallowed and pulled Rey closer, kissing the top of her head again before letting her go and turning to the Resistance soldiers and holding out his wrists for the restraints.

 

**Rey**

 

“That was the strongest stun I’ve ever felt,” Poe said, groaning. Rey nudged his shoulder, forcing him back against the pillows of the med bed. 

“I thought you were dead,” Rey said. “Couldn’t even find a pulse. I thought those diplomats were dead, too.”

“Hux wouldn’t have wanted that kind of price on his head.” Poe pushed back into the pillows and whimpered. “Oh no. I’m getting feeling back in my feet.”

“That’s a good thing.”

“In ten minutes it will be a good thing. Right now it’s hell. Ow! Son of a…” Poe gritted his teeth through the pain and Rey watched, helpless. She made a mental note to ask Usko to teach her some healing. If he was ever a free man again. The knights were also in the custody of the Resistance. She had a hunch that their capture was more about keeping them safe than surrender, but she wouldn’t know for sure until she talked to Ben again. He and Leia had disappeared into a stately conference room (unguarded, by Leia’s insistence) and had yet to come out. It was going on two hours. 

“Hey, Poe,” Rey said, and Poe opened his eyes. “Thanks for believing me. And trying to get Leia to safety.”

“Don’t mention it,” Poe said, still wincing. “Can I ask you something?”

“I have a feeling I know exactly what you’re going to ask.”

Poe chuckled. “So it wasn’t a hallucination? You and Kylo Ren are… it’s not just a mind bond, is it?” 

Rey smiled sadly. “No. It’s not.”

Neither said anything for a moment. Then Rey asked, “Do you think less of me?”

“I certainly question your taste.”

Rey swatted him gently. “That’s not what I meant!”

Poe smiled and reached for Rey’s hand. She let him take it. “I think it would be much easier if we got to choose who we fall in love with. If we could, maybe Finn and Rose could be happy. Or hell, maybe I’d be happy…” 

“But if you’re happy, then Rose would be very unhappy.”

“Caught that, did you?” Poe asked, and Rey saw pink blossom in his cheeks. “My point is, we don’t get to choose. You and Kylo especially don’t seem to have had a choice in the matter. But I hope you’re careful, and I hope you’re not blind to who he really is, Rey.”

“I’m not. I promise. He’s been hurt so many times, Poe. If you knew all he’s been through…”

“Rey, we’ve all been hurt. Not all of us choose to murder our own fathers over it.” Rey flinched and Poe signed. “I just don’t want you fooling yourself into believing he can truly change. Someone that deeply entrenched in the dark side doesn’t get there by accident. I know he’s been trying but… I don’t want to see you wind up hurt when he fails and goes back to the only thing he’s ever known.” 

Rey didn’t know what to say. She wanted to get out of there, to give herself a moment alone to think and try to evaluate what she was feeling. Poe’s words hurt, but why? Because the words weren’t true or because she knew deep down that they were?

“Hey.”

Finn’s voice broke her away from her thoughts and she looked at him lingering in the med bay door, forcing a smile. “Hey.”

“How you feeling?”

Poe shrugged, then cursed. “Just fine, obviously.”

Finn nodded and stepped into the room. “Leia didn’t want anyone inside with her, but we’re all taking turns guarding the door. Well, and listening in.”

“A cup against the door always works well,” Poe said.

“Don’t need it. They’ve been screaming at each other for a half hour.”

“That’s probably necessary,” Rey said. 

Finn snorted but sobered quickly. “He doesn’t have a lightsaber, but I’ve seen what he can do without a weapon. I hope Leia’s okay.”

Rey wanted to say that Ben wouldn’t dream of hurting his mother, but she knew the words would taste wrong in her mouth and kept quiet instead. 

“Finn, it looks like Poe’s going to be okay so would you want to walk with me a little? I’d like to look at the water.”

Finn searched Rey’s eyes, and Rey smiled encouragingly. He nodded. “If the First Order didn’t blow it up, there’s a great spot on Dock F.”

“Perfect.” Rey leaned over and gave Poe a goodbye kiss on the cheek, whispering in his ear before she left, “He won’t disappoint me. I know it.”

  
  


***

 

“Have you ever seen something so beautiful?” Rey asked, looking out over the endless sea. Hux’s people hadn’t blown up Dock F. In fact, it was on the opposite side of the palace and completely free of damage. All Rey could see were gorgeous, tranquil blues and cool teals and deep cobalts. There were some other islands, but they were so distant that they were nothing more than specks on the horizon. 

She turned to Finn, who was looking at her searchingly. He opened his mouth as if to answer her question and then closed it, shaking his head. “Rey, make me understand. Help me.”

Rey sat, patting the cool warm ferrocrete beside her. It was a floating dock, and she felt much better sitting, where the sway didn’t has as much affect. 

Finn took the proffered seat, and they both sat, dangling their legs over the side, staring down at the water below. 

“I don’t know that I can, Finn. I’m not sure I understand it myself. What I know is that we are in each other’s heads, in each other’s…  _ everything.  _ He’s a part of me, now.”

“I thought it was just Snoke manipulating you.”

Rey shook her head, smiling sadly. “I’m not sure it was ever just that. I’ve been so angry at him at times but… ever since I got into his head during my interrogation, I’ve understood him. I’ve felt sympathetic. I think I might be the only person in the world who truly gets him, and he might be the only one who truly understands me.”

“That’s not true.”

Rey immediately felt bad for the words she’d used. “Please don’t be angry. You get me like no one else too, Finn. It’s just that I have all this power in myself that is frightening and overwhelming, and so does he. We can unravel that mystery together. He’s helping me figure out how to balance the Force. I know he’s done terrible things but he’s also capable of so much kindness and love.”

“So that’s why you’ve been helping him, because he’s kind?”

“My mission was to figure out the Force side of this whole mess. I guess you could say there’s been an even exchange.” Rey shrugged. “And I love him, Finn. I’m not sure when exactly I fell, but I do know I never want to be apart from him. It would break me to lose him. Like I said, he’s part of me.”

“So what’s your plan, then? Are you going back with him to the First Order? I mean, he offered a chance to lead with him before, didn’t he?”

“I can’t abandon the Resistance. Ben knows that. And I don’t agree with the First Order’s philosophy.”

Finn made a circular motion with his hand. “So...?”

“I don’t know. I just know I can’t be without him. Like I said, I won’t abandon the Resistance but I don’t know if Leia will let me stay if I don’t give him up, either.”

“Kriffing hell, Rey.”

Rey suddenly sobbed, surprising herself as well as Finn. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry I don’t have a good enough answer. All I can do is hope Ben can work things out with Leia and that maybe he won’t die.”

“And what about you? Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to play on both sides when one side is the First Order?”

“Ben will protect me.”

“Maybe, until someone offs him and takes it over for themselves. Maker, what have you done?” Finn said, loud enough that it carried over the water and echoed off the waves. He looked at her, wild and desperate like a hurt animal. “Did you ever think for a second how we’d feel if you died? If something happened to you? How  _ I’d  _ feel? You have to know. By now you have to…” 

Rey wiped at her eyes. “I do. I didn’t before, and I’m sorry it took me so long to realize. I didn’t mean to… If I’d known...”

“What? What would you have changed, other than letting me down more gently?” Finn stood. He looked out over the water, his face schooled emotionless. “I knew I wasn’t good enough for you, Rey. I knew it from the start. That’s why I lied when we first met. It wasn’t just for cover. But choosing him… a murdering, cold-blooded, psychopath… I guess that’s what hurts the most. Maybe if it had been Poe or someone good and decent... “

“Oh, Finn,” Rey said, but she didn’t add anything to it. She wouldn’t have had the chance anyway, because the quick and rhythmic clank of metal on the dock drew her and Finn’s attention away. See-Threepio was coming toward them. Rey could have kissed the droid for breaking the tension.

“Pardon me, but Rey, you are needed in the prison cells.”

“Prison cells?” Rey asked, wiping at her eyes again and standing. 

“Yes, terribly sorry but we have to make haste. The knight Usko is very upset and I fear it’s my fault. See, he asked me to translate an ancient language and when I did--and I guarantee you it was a good translation, I did nothing less than my best and I am knowledgeable in six million forms of communication--he immediately started screaming for you. Something about the crystals, although I have no idea what that could… Rey? Miss Rey? Oh dear. Please slow down. My joints are so stiff today….”

But Rey didn’t hear. She was already halfway to the palace. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SORRY that it's been a while. Life really knocked me over this week, then came back with a Louisville Slugger to make sure I was down, and this was a chapter I really wanted to get right. Enjoy!


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You don’t have to explain. I know what it is to lose him, Rey.”
> 
> “But you haven’t. Not yet. Please, Leia. The First Order will come and then… I won’t fight him.”
> 
> Leia squeezed her hands. “No one is asking you to.”

**Ben**

 

“Ben, be honest with me. Please.”

“I’m being as honest as I know how to be,” Ben said. They were in a diplomatic meeting room in the palace, with tall clear walls that looked out over the vast, foreboding sea. It was pitch black outside, and though he couldn’t make it out, he could hear the muffled sound of the tumultuous waves below. His mother sat forward in her big comfortable chair while Ben paced the length of the considerably long room. 

How long had he been talking with her? Fighting and screaming? It felt like an eternity, though it was probably only a few hours. Ben was so overtired from the range of emotions he’d experienced that it was all beginning to feel like a dream. A bad dream. Maybe he wasn’t really here, trying to explain everything he’d ever done and all of his motivations to his mother. Maybe he was still on Ahch-To, curled up with Rey by the fire. Or maybe he was still on Takodana, falling asleep in her arms to the sound of the night creatures and the lapping of the lake against the shore.

Ben took the seat opposite his mother and covered his face with his hands. “I don’t know how long. I’ve tried to explain it to Rey too and… the best I can say is that I remember him in some form for as far back as I can remember anything. Snoke was always in my head.”

“And why didn’t you tell me?”

“I suppose because I didn’t understand it when I was little but…” Ben sighed, exhausted and completely at a loss. “Let’s be honest, Mom. What could I have said even when I did understand? ‘Mom, there’s a voice in my head but don’t worry. I know you suspect I’m evil but this voice seems kind of nice’? You would have sent me away sooner, and maybe not even to Luke. Maybe somewhere worse.”

Leia’s eyes were filled with tears and she looked away sharply, stung. “I don’t know. I would have tried something. At least I would have known…”

“Known that maybe it wasn’t just me that was evil? Maybe it was worse, that someone was controlling me?” Ben shook his head. “Come on. You both were scared to even look at me by the time you sent me to Luke. Dad especially. Don’t think for a second I didn’t notice that the worse I got, the more he was away.”

Leia wiped her eyes. “Your father was never very good at dealing with things directly.” She turned to him, and for the first time in perhaps ever, Ben saw all the weariness within her, the toll the world had taken. “Snoke told you to do it.”

“Yes,” Ben said, nodding. “He said that in order to get stronger, I had to eliminate anything in my past that I still cared for. But it was still a choice, Mom. I could have run. I could have come home like Dad asked me to. But I thought this would the be  _ the _ thing, the act that once and for all would make Snoke see me like I thought he should have. But it was always going to be one more thing, another horrible deed to get his approval and then another and another. I was a puppet, and I know that now. And when he wanted me to kill Rey…”

Ben paused, gathering himself. “I risked everything for her, Mom, and I’ll do it again, and again, as long as she asks me to. I’ll give it all.” Ben leveled a look at his mother. “She’s asked me to give up the Force.”

Leia’s dark eyes told Ben that nothing escaped her. “Not just your power, but your connection to everything.”

“Even my connection to her. She thinks if we give up our powers we will balance the Force.”

“And do you think that’s true?”

Ben breathed in deeply. “We knew each other long before we met. I saw my pain in hers, my fears, my powers. Everything in my life, everything in hers, has been building toward the two of us being together. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. I have to trust the Force, and the Force resides in Rey more than anyone else.”

Leia nodded solemnly. She shut her eyes briefly and Ben wondered if it was for focus or from the pure exhaustion of the night. “And when will you do this?”

“We need to figure out how. That is the only thing keeping us from it.”

“And what of the First Order? Do you really believe you can continue to lead without your powers?”

A cold kind of silence fell between them for a moment, and Ben lifted his chin. “You think my powers are the only reason why I’m sitting on the throne?”

Leia looked at him, fearlessly, he thought, the way few did. Almost antagonizing. “Isn’t it? That and Snoke’s regard for you?”

“I have now killed two of their cruel, tyrannical leaders—”

“Killed. Not brought them to trial for their crimes. You might be the hero in your own story, Ben, but you’re a villain in the galaxy’s. At best a vigilante who makes decisions on a whim.”

Ben seethed. “And what of my plans for the First Order, then? Am I such a villain to make their lives more comfortable? To bring order and allegiance to one cause for the good of the galaxy?”

“The Republic can do that. With a democracy. With voices in the Senate to represent the people and what they want.”

“Oh sure, until they all disagree again and nothing gets done,” Ben said through gritted teeth. “No, Mother. The people don’t know what they want, or how to achieve it. They need one voice. Just one. Someone to guide them.”

“Someone wise who will make them all agree?” Leia asked mockingly.

“Yes! Yes of course.”

Leia laughed mirthlessly. “And you think you’re giving them freedom this way?” Leia shook her head, making him feel like he was six years old again, being scolded for silly ideas. “My parents died for the kind of freedom the Republic can give the people. And your grandmother Padme died because she stood up to one who thought just like you.”

The anger that flashed through Ben was like lightning, lightning that wanted to unleash itself. “I would never hurt Rey.” 

“I didn’t say you would, but you know Rey believes in the Republic, Ben. She told me she refused your offer to lead with you.” Leia looked at him with sympathy. “I know how much it hurt her to say no to you. What you were offering was more than just a political arrangement, wasn’t it? And she wanted nothing more than to make you her family. Her home. But the price was too great for her. She won’t give up her beliefs. That’s why Rey is Rey.” 

“So you expect me to what, dismantle the whole First Order and bow to the Senate?” Ben yelled. “Do you have an idea how long we’ve worked, how hard, to create this perfect system?”

“I’d guess at least fifteen years, if Finn’s age is any indication. Take them while they’re young and brainwash them, right?” 

“They would fight for us willingly.”

“As willingly as you fought for Snoke, I suppose.” Leia sighed. “We can give your soldiers equal if not better treatment if they choose to stand for the Republic. And if not, they can peacefully live as civilians.”

Ben’s humorless, tired laugh echoed around the room. “And my officers?”

Leia looked away. “There will be consequences for the choices they’ve made. Justice has to be served for the destruction of entire planets at their hands.” 

Ben thought of Phasma, the sacrifices she’d made for him. He shook his head. “No.”

“You can’t expect that surrender will wipe the slate clean,” Leia said, and fixed him with a pitying look. “And saving me from a hostile general won’t cleanse you of the blood on your hands either, sweetheart.”

The rage surged under his skin. “So what benefit is it to me to join you?” Ben spat.

“Peace, I suppose. Protection.”

“Protection? Giving up the seat I’ve rightfully claimed is protection? Giving all my soldiers and ships to you?” 

“ _ Your _ soldiers and ships?” Leia gestured to him. “And this is the problem. You think yourself a king. Yes, Ben. Give it up. For peace. For Rey.”

“Don’t use my love for her, mother,” Ben snarled. “And what of your love for me? Will you let me be publicly executed so that the people will love you more?” He shook his head. “No. I will lead with you. We will both be speakers in the Senate. I’ll be your general, lead your armies. My officers will be banished but unharmed. These are my terms.”

“No,” Leia said. “I can’t give you those things. You cannot lead, Ben. Not in the Republic. No one would trust you.”

“I have changed. You’ve seen it. I’m not Kylo Ren anymore.”

“I know that, and you can’t imagine how happy I am to see that, but it’s not enough, sweetheart. It’s not enough.”

“Oh, let’s be honest, Mother,” Ben said, voice shaking with hurt and rage. “Nothing I ever do will be enough.” Ben looked away, wiping away a tear that fell against his strict orders not to. “So you won’t give on anything?”

“I can’t.”

“Neither can I.” He looked at his mother, the Force undulating between them, and in a flash Ben saw a future stained with more blood and heartbreak. War, a darker one than even he could imagine. 

Leia seemed to see the same thing and stood so quickly she had to brace an arm on the chair. “Ben. Please. Submit for now. Think it over. Perhaps a few days of thinking can mellow your stubbornness.”

There must have been a button he didn’t see, perhaps a signal, perhaps just someone outside the door listening. Whatever the reason, Resistance troops made their way into the room, shackles ready. 

It was a futile effort for them, and Ben shot his mother a look, saying just that. If they could get him to a cell at all, he could manipulate his way out of that too.

“Please, Ben. Don’t add to the blood on your hands.”

Leia’s soft voice calmed the wildness inside him, just like she used to do when he was so little that all of the tumultuous emotions were too much for him and he was overwhelmed with feeling. 

“I cannot protect you as a prisoner,” he said to her. 

“This is the only way I can protect  _ you _ ,” she said in return. 

“No,” he said. “It’s never been about protecting me. It’s always been about protecting yourself.” 

He then turned to the troopers and held out his wrists, submitting. Let her throw him in a cell, go through a trial. The First Order would come. One way or another, the future of the galaxy would be decided. 

  
  


**Rey**

 

Somewhere in the belly of the palace, Rey sat with Usko in a prison cell, C-3PO and texts gathered around them. 

“Okay, can you say that one more time, Threepio?” Rey asked, and she could have sworn the protocol droid sighed. 

“I’d be delighted, Miss Rey.” C-3PO held the ancient Sith text in his big metal hands. “Roughly translated, the text reads, ‘the heart of the Force is in the stone, and where the stones reside, the Force will grow its roots. Then it can grow in all things in this world, as a tree spreads its branches.’ But the word for stone here, it’s different from how the ancients describe the stones in the dirt, or stones with which to build their homes. This stone is special, Miss Rey. The wording sets it apart like a precious thing.”

“Like a crystal?” she asked, locking eyes with Usko, who was so excited he looked as though he might jump out of his skin.

“Yes, I suppose so. A crystal, some kind of gem perhaps. Something that would have been precious and priceless to a Sith.”

“Or a Jedi,” Usko said. 

“So you were right,” Rey said, smiling at the knight. 

“I knew studying old languages might come in handy someday.”

Rey leaned over the text, pointing to the sketch of the crystals. “What else does it say, Threepio?”

The droid took his time, humming thoughtfully as he read through the archaic words. “Hmm, well it appears to be a warning…”

“How so?”

“Well, it is a bit difficult… this language was actually very poetic you know, but that means that it can also be easily misinterpreted, but if I were to translate this in an official capacity…”

“Please,” Rey pressed.

“I would say that they believed the stones—or crystals, what have you—should be guarded at all times, because if destroyed, the connection they had with the Force would be severed.”

“Destroy the roots, destroy the tree,” Usko said. 

“Precisely, Usko Ren,” Threepio agreed merrily. “I believe it’s referring to kyber crystals. If memory serves, a large portion of kyber was used up in the first planet-killing laser, but many crystals remain, scattered all over the galaxy. Oh the irony, the Sith warning not to destroy them, but here we are, kyber more rare than ever because of their gluttony for power.”

“Threepio, do you think that if all of the kyber was destroyed, no one would be able to use the Force anymore?”

“Most certainly, Miss Rey. As the text says, it’s the Force’s link to our realm, so to speak.”

“And that would mean…” Usko began.

“That we could give it back. Not by putting it back into the crystals, but by destroying the crystals. No one would have the Force anymore, it would just...”

“Disperse back into itself,” Usko finished, mouth quirking up on one side.

“But… why would anyone want to give back the Force?” the droid asked, shocked.

“Balance,” Rey said, smiling. “If we give it back, it can be in balance again. Threepio, do you suppose it’s possible to find all the crystals?” 

The gold droid scratched his chin. “I would think that the Force would be the best way. I’m sure that the technology exists… they collected so much for the laser after all, so there has to be a way. And I’m no Jedi, Miss Rey, but if spending time around Jedi has taught me anything, it’s that they can use their connection in ways that surprise even me. And I’m very knowledgeable, you know.”

“Of course you are,” Rey smiled at him. Then her smile fell and she clutched at her stomach. “Oh…”

“Miss Rey? Are you quite well?”

“I…” Rey looked desperately at Usko. “Something’s happened. Ben…”

_ Ben? _

Suddenly he was there in front of her, like it had been when she was on Ahch-To with Luke and he’d been far away. She spoke to him, knowing full well that Usko and C-3PO would think she was insane. 

“What’s wrong?”

He looked tired. Angry. In pain. But there was something else there too, something that skittered too close to the edge of collapse for Rey’s liking. “My mother isn’t willing to compromise.”

Wherever he was, he was pacing, and it must have been a small space because he was only getting three or four steps in before turning around. 

“So what does that mean? Wait, where are you?”

“A prison cell.” Ben stopped his pacing and turned his big brown eyes to hers. “Willingly. But that means I can’t stop the First Order if they come for me.”

Rey looked at him a long moment, her chest tight. “Ben, you want to stop them, right?”

“I’ve warned her, Rey, that’s all I can do.” Ben kept looking at Rey, then he turned his eyes downward and sighed. “I don’t want my mother hurt, no. But clearly, everything I’ve done is for naught.”

“No, you know that’s not true.” Rey suddenly remembered that this was a bond vision, and that other people were in the room with her. She turned her head and looked at Usko, who didn’t look nearly as confused as she’d expected. C-3PO, however, was utterly dumbfounded. She gave the droid a reassuring nod.

“Everything, Rey. All I’ve been through to get here, the good and the bad. Unforgivable things but… all the good I’ve tried to do. It’s not enough. It will never be enough. I was foolish to think maybe I could somehow make amends. That laying myself at her feet would be enough for mercy.”

“No. You haven’t been foolish. You’ve shown the good you’re capable of.”

“And yet she won’t let me lead. And she won’t spare my officers.” Ben’s heartache surged through the bond, and Rey instinctively touched her chest. “And I can’t… After all Phasma’s done for me, and the stormtroopers. They deserve better, and I want to make things better for them. You understand, don’t you? That I just can’t hand them over.”

“...but what does that mean? For the First Order and the Resistance, and…. And you and me?” 

Ben locked eyes on her, his fear evident in the deep brown of his irises. “I suppose that all depends on Phasma now.” 

At that, Rey turned away from the vision and yelled to the guards. “I need out! I need to talk to Leia!”

Rey heard Ben call after her, with C-3PO questioning Usko under that, but she didn’t bother answering either. The guard let her out of the cell and quickly closed the gate behind her. Somewhere in this underwater prison labyrinth, Ben was also in captivity, but that was the safest place for him at the moment. Pushing her muscles to the limit, she took the stairs two at a time. If she stretched her mind out, she could feel Leia’s Force signature, and she followed that ray of light to the med bay, where the general was sitting at Poe’s side in a recovery room. The pilot was sleeping peacefully. 

“Leia,” Rey said, her voice rough. The general turned toward her and rose. 

“I know what you’ve come to ask me, and you know I can’t. Justice has to be served.”

“Please,” Rey said weakly. Tears started to slip from her eyes. “He’s tried. He’s tried so hard. Please…”

Rey felt Leia’s hands close over hers, and she looked into Leia’s face, blurry from her tears. “You know I can’t.”

“But if he’s put on trial… Oh, Leia, I can’t lose him.”

Leia’s expression revealed years of pain. “You don’t have to explain. I know what it is to lose him, Rey.”

“But you haven’t. Not yet. Please, Leia. The First Order will come and then… I won’t fight him.”

Leia squeezed her hands. “No one is asking you to.”

A broken sob escaped Rey’s mouth. “Then just let him go! I’ll convince to leave it all behind, just let him go.” 

“And you really think he would go, Rey?” Leia smiled sadly. “Even if he’s wrong about how to lead, he believes so strongly that he’s right. And, like you said, he is trying so hard. I know my son, as do you. He will not leave his officers behind. He is doing what he feels he must. As am I.”

“But he’ll be executed.” Leia nodded once, eyes full. “Then put me on trial, too. I’ve helped him. I’m a traitor.”

“Dear girl, you know that’s not true, even if it sometimes felt like it.” Leia released Rey’s hands and laid one on her cheek. “I will do all I can to protect him. I promise you.”

“And if the First Order comes?”

“We’ve been heading for this for a long time. We’re ready,” Leia said, and Rey couldn’t help but note not only the resolve in her voice, but the detachment as well. She was, Rey realized, putting up a wall, knowing what possibilities lay ahead.

But then Leia reached out for Rey’s hands, overcome, sadness rushing back into her. “No one will blame you if you go, Rey. We’re all doing what we believe is right. You must do what you believe is right as well.” 

Then the mask was back in place, the determined look of a general, reminding Rey so much of another Solo and another mask. 

And then Leia was gone, and the steady beep of Poe’s heart monitor was the only sound. 

  
  
  
  
  



	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She opened her mouth to volunteer the   
>  _  
>  Falcon   
>  _  
>  but Leia lifted a hand. “I need you on the ground, Rey.”
> 
>  
> 
> Something that was already broken inside Rey crumbled at the words. “Please, don’t.”
> 
>  
> 
> “You’re the only one who can wield a lightsaber, and you know that my son and his knights won’t be contained in prison for long.”
> 
>  
> 
> A broken, desperate sound came from Rey’s mouth and immediately, Leia pulled her close for a hug. 
> 
>  
> 
> “I know,” she said into Rey’s ear. “It’s too much. It’s too much for anyone to ask.” 

**Rey**

 

Somewhere overhead, some kind of alarm was beeping in a heart-hammering rhythm, but it was barely audible over the general panic and discord of the docks. There was shouting in different languages, engines groaning into a start, and the clank of tools against nuts and bolts and gears.

Rey found herself walking toward the general, dressed in a Resistance flight suit. If she was going to act the part—the part of a loyal soldier whose heart was definitely not in the hands of the enemy’s leader—then she was going to don the costume, and, she assumed, get behind the controls of her ship and do the thing.

Others had the same idea to seek out the general: her friends. Finn was already there, arm around Poe as they leaned in to hear Leia’s instructions. Leia had a small holo device in her hands, projecting a map of the docks and the city beyond. Rey recognized the gleaming palace.

“Hey.”

Rey looked to her right, where Rose now walked next to her, toward the same purpose.

“Hey,” Rey said back, awkward.

“Good to see you. I mean, it sucks that I’m just now seeing you.”

Rey had no doubt that Rose had planned it that way, but she allowed the other girl her pride. “Yeah,” she laughed a little. “I guess you could say I’ve been a little busy.”

Rose’s gaze drifted toward a certain former stormtrooper. “That’s what I heard. I also heard you’ve got it bad for that angry Sith guy.”

“He’s not Sith,” Rey said before she could stop herself.

Rose’s mouth fell open with surprise that quickly turned into a mix of scandalized and giddy. “It _is_ true! Hell, Rey. What are you going to do?”

They’d reached Leia, and though part of her would have liked to share and talk with Rose, woman to woman, about their love lives, she wanted to hear Leia’s plans more. She whispered back, gesturing to her outfit, “Clearly, I had to make a choice.”

It was not the choice she’d wanted to make. She hadn’t wanted to make a choice at all. But until she had a better plan, she would follow Ben’s orders, her lover’s instructions, the promises she’d made under duress… whatever they could be called.

Rose’s eyes got big but she, too, quieted and listened to Leia. Poe was to lead the air defense, and Rey strained to hear the name of her ship somewhere in the plan. It didn’t come. Poe broke off, running toward his X-wing where BB-8 was waiting (Maker, how she wanted to go wrap her arms around that cute little droid), and Finn was asking questions about ground defense, gesturing to Rose, and Rey startled a bit with the realization that he and Rose were going to lead as a team, and it obviously wasn’t the first time.

He nodded solemnly to her and Rose waved, and then they were gone, and Rey was the only one still awaiting instruction.

She opened her mouth to volunteer the _Falcon_ but Leia lifted a hand. “I need you on the ground, Rey.”

Something that was already broken inside Rey crumbled at the words. “Please, don’t.”

“You’re the only one who can wield a lightsaber, and you know that my son and his knights won’t be contained in prison for long.”

As if the thought of having to fight Ben wasn’t enough, now Rey was faced with the possibility of also fighting Usko, Dagny, Rostam, Jarek, and Orvar… maybe they weren’t friends yet, exactly (well, Usko was for sure), but she’d seen the humanity in them. The _good_.

A broken, desperate sound came from Rey’s mouth and immediately, Leia pulled her close for a hug.

“I know,” she said into Rey’s ear. “It’s too much. It’s too much for anyone to ask.”

“And he’s asked it of me, too.”

Leia pulled back and looked into Rey’s eyes. Rey felt like she could read her entire soul. Then Leia shook her head, as if in argument with herself.

“I’ve lost too many,” Leia said, “but this… I don’t think I can bear it. I know he’s asked, I know _I’ve_ asked, but…”

“You can’t ask me not to, Leia,” Rey finished for her.

“It’s out of my hands. The decisions he’s made ensured that. So…”

“It’s like you said,” Rey told her, sniffling. “We can only do what we believe is right.”

Leia nodded. “So do exactly that.” For the first time, Rey saw Leia let herself cry in front of her army. True, not many were paying attention while they prepared for battle, but it was still a vulnerability Rey hadn’t expected. She pulled Rey into another crushing hug. “Just know I love him, and I forgive him, and I love you, too. If things had been different… and we could talk ‘what ifs’ until eternity, but… how I would have loved having you as a daughter-in-law. Watching Han spoil grandchildren. Seeing my son grow into a family man.”

Rey pulled back and gave Leia a smile, in spite of it all. “I haven’t lost hope yet. Some of your dream is still possible. Leia, he told me to warn you that the First Order was close.”

Leia opened her mouth, wanting to say more, but the constant alarm switched tones. This was not a warning, this was the type of alarm that screamed, “Incoming!”

The two women met eyes one more time and nodded to each other, and then Rey took off running, her lightsaber igniting with a determination she didn’t feel.

  
  
  


**Ben**

 

He didn’t want to have to kill the guards, but it was looking like there was no other option. The alarms were persistent and urgent, and from the dull thuds all around, Ben could tell his army had arrived. Battle raging above ground or not, the guards weren’t moving from their station.

Sighing, Ben looked at the lock holding his cell door closed, then glanced at the guards. They were watching the security screens, probably thankful for their current positions far from the fighting, and not paying him any mind.

Perhaps he could do this without killing them.

He’d always been better at pushing his way through people’s minds than controlling them with mere suggestion, but if ever there was a moment to do things Rey’s way…

He lifted a hand through the bars and toward the guards, who were still watching the screens, and said, “You will release Kylo Ren.”

“I will release Kylo Ren,” the guards intoned and both of them pressed a single button on their console that made the tumblers in the cell lock move and unlatch. The door swung open gently, and Ben stepped out, still cautious. The guards turned to look at him, surprised at how it was that he was standing on the wrong side of the bars.

“You will stay here until the battle is over,” he commanded.

“I will stay here until the battle is over.”

He crept past them, as unblinking as the guards themselves.

His hold over them was strong, but he couldn’t resist a flick of his wrist, a little flair to his last suggestion. “Kylo Ren is still in the cell behind you.”

“Kylo Ren is still in the cell behind me,” the guards repeated.

And with that, Ben was out of the cell block and headed toward the next one, where he felt the Force signatures of his knights radiating. There was only one guard on this block, and the mind trick was even easier this time. Jarek was the first by his side.

“Any idea where would our sabers be?” Ben asked his friend.

Jarek gave his leader a curt nod. “I know just the place.”

 

***

 

The moment Ben’s lightsaber hissed and crackled to life, he knew he couldn’t keep Rey and the immediate future out of his mind anymore.

He was going to have to get into the battle, going to have to raise his saber against people Rey cared for, against people his mother cared for… Maybe even Rey herself. That, he wanted least of all. He wouldn’t fight her. But he’d asked her to end his life if it came to it. He hoped they both had the courage to follow through if the chance presented itself, but perhaps they wouldn’t even meet during the melee.

Part of him almost longed for it, though, just to see her roaring in the heat of the fight again. And perhaps… perhaps she’d relieve him of the heavy burdens he carried around, perhaps she’d free him from the choices he’d made. One mighty swing of her saber and it would be over—painless, quick.

Was it a coward’s way out? Undoubtedly, but it would be done, and by her hand, by her side, in battle. He’d known it would come to that; he’d seen her fighting fiercely in his dreams just as much as he’d seen her on the island, or on the sands of Jakku. He’d just always hoped that it would be for the same side.

They burst out of the palace doors to find the Dac docks almost completely hidden from view by all the smoke and fire. Ben didn’t even have to signal to his knights. They took off as one, running toward the thick of it.

X-wings and TIEs flew overhead, firing shots at each other, at the docks too. Ben looked up as they ran, hoping to see the _Falcon_ , far away from him and his knights, but the freighter was nowhere in sight. He did spot Dameron’s X-wing, with the round little BB-8 unit he recognized from Takodana, and he vowed that if he somehow got out of this alive, he’d take Too-Vee along with him.

They moved into the smoke and, somehow, in the thick of it, it was easier to see. Stormtroopers seemed to be firing indiscriminately, Resistance soldiers firing back.

Dagny moved next to him, and in a voice pitched so only he could hear, addressed him by his real name.

“Ben, where do you want us?”

Ben didn’t have to think too hard. “Protect the troopers and officers, Phasma if you see her. Try to…” he couldn’t finish the thought, no matter how much he felt it in his bones. Saying it still felt traitorous.

Dagny said it for him. “We won’t hurt anyone unless we have to.”

She was the one to give the signal, and the knights broke away from him. Ben raised his saber and deflected shots from the blasters, taking care to redirect them upwards instead of toward soldiers, his own and his mother’s.

Rey’s.

These were all Rey’s friends, or, at least, the surrogate family that had taken his beloved scavenger in. And they would continue to, if he were to…

Ben shook the thought from his head, then shifted his lightsaber from one hand to the other and back again, jogging his muscle memory with the weight and particular heft of it. The saber was an extension of himself, another limb, and the instincts he’d cultivated and the feel of the Force flowed through him and into the weapon.

And all at once, the Force came into sharp focus at the other side of the battleground.

Her honey eyes lifted to his the second he found her. Everything within him wanted to go to her, to gather her in his arms and run. Leave it all behind. At that moment, he cared nothing for his position, for the sacrifices he’d made to get there, for the First Order’s philosophies, for the entire future of the galaxy. All he wanted was her, safe and sound, somewhere where they could be together with no one else around to bother them; to raise a family and grow old and watch a thousand sunsets by her side.

It was her scream that brought him out of his reverie.

“Ben!”

He blocked a blow just as it came crashing down, locking his saber with something very solid. It took a moment for his brain to recognize the weapon: a Z6 riot baton… something his own army had invented, something _Hux_ had invented, to be more accurate. But the wielder was not the dead general, it was a former stormtrooper, a traitor.

Ben easily threw off the baton and took a wide swing at Finn’s torso, which he dodged. Ben stretched out a hand and stilled Finn where he stood, taking care not to grip him too tightly with the Force.

“Stupid move, traitor.”

“Yeah? Let’s see you fight without your magic. Bet you don’t last five minutes.”

Ben flexed his hand, sending a ripple of pain around Finn’s neck. Then something tugged at him, and he looked at Rey, expecting her to be sending him feelings through the bond. But it wasn’t her. She was locked in a duel with Dagny, and from the looks of it, it was hard to tell who was going easier on whom.

But still, she was distracted; the empathy he was feeling for the traitor wasn’t coming from her.

Ben dropped his hand to his side, and Finn instantly relaxed.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Ben said. Something flickered within Finn’s eyes, and Ben nodded toward his weapon. “I know what that thing can do. Go on. Stun me, then take a good shot. Make it clean.”

After a moment, Finn’s eyes widened with the realization. “You _want_ me too.”

Ben glanced over at Rey. “That way she won’t have to.”

Finn looked at Rey too, overly long, then turned back to him. “I can’t.”

“Surely you can’t feel any sympathy for me,” Ben said dryly.

“I don’t,” Finn said quickly, sincerely. “But she loves you. She’d never forgive me and I can’t live with that.”

Ben sort of hated him for saying it, or coming that close to saying it, but he also knew exactly what it was to love Rey and couldn’t fault the traitor for that. He glanced over at her again, and she was still sparring with Dagny. Knowing she was safe, he turned back to Finn.

“Where is my mother?” Finn said nothing, and Ben rolled his eyes. “Is she safe?”

“She’s safe. Why don’t you just call off your dogs?”

“You first.”

Pain ripped through the bond and Ben turned sharply to where he’d last seen Rey. She was facing off against one of his officers, instead of Dagny. Where had Dagny gone? He’d assumed Rey was safe, and now she was being attacked by one of his.

“Get that one off her,” Ben ordered Finn, and Finn drew himself up, a hundred questions and comebacks on his lips, but he silenced them all with a nod to Ben, understanding: Ben couldn’t be the one to do it. “Good man,” Ben said, and they took off in tandem toward Rey.

The First Order officer was startled when Finn’s baton hit him on the shoulder, and immediately whirled away from Rey, taking the bait.

Rey whirled too, lightsaber drawn up and ready to strike, and that’s when she saw him.

She stilled.

Ben drew his blade up, as well. Perhaps he could make this easier on her….

He sliced through the air, sure, steady, but without half of his strength. Rey lifted her saber and met his, locking on his crossguard. Her face was bathed in lavender light, made even softer by the smoke around them.

 _You have to fight me,_ he whispered to her through the bond. _Don’t hold back. They have to believe you._

The battle swirled and crescendoed around them, but Rey made no move to disengage from their locked weapons. She only gave him a subtle shake of her head.

_Rey…_

_If you want me to do this thing for you, you’re going to have to survive it long enough to put your saber through my heart, too. Because I’m not living without you, Ben. I’ll fight for you. With you. Forever. Both sides of this war be damned, I will not let them take one more minute away from us. We will both live through this, and we’ll have that family we both want, and damn it, I_ will _be Mrs. Solo._

Ben’s heart nearly stopped, then pounded against his ribs in a quick tattoo. Family. With Rey.

Everything he’d ever wanted.

Ben sank down on one knee.

Rey’s mouth fell open. “Wait. Here? Now? I mean, you said it would be big, but in the middle of a battle?”

He looked up at her, chuckling. “Rey, sweetheart, I’m not proposing. I’m surrendering.” He thumbed off his saber and turned it sideways before holding it out to her, his head bowed.

The ping of blasters pittered out; shouts died down, mutterings and mumblings turned to whispers, and every soldier on both sides turned to gape at the Supreme Leader on his knees in front of the Jedi. Even the fighting overhead ceased.

Ben heard the steady, heavy footsteps of Phasma, and then his general was at his side. When he looked up, his mother was at Rey’s. He spoke to Leia.

“I speak only for myself, it is up to the First Order’s general how she wants to proceed, but I surrender. I no longer wish to fight this fight. Everything I want and need is here before me, and I can hurt her no more than she can hurt me. It’s a stalemate, so I will be the one to bend.”

Rey looked to Phasma, then to Leia. Leia cocked her head and gave Rey a knowing smile, and a nod to prod her onward.

Rey reached out and took the lightsaber from Ben’s hands, and he felt such sharp relief that the weight was gone that he exhaled in a big whoosh. She turned the saber over in her hands, and then let it clatter to the floor. Her own saber followed it, the saber he’d felt for so long was his birthright. It landed next to his with a resounding clang, and before the sound ceased, Rey was kneeling with him and her arms were around his neck.

He was only dimly aware of everyone coming back to life around them, of Phasma and his mother negotiating terms of a temporary ceasefire, of specifics for his impending trial… of anything at all.

The whole of his galaxy was in his arms, and that was all that mattered.

He kissed her like he had that first time, like he was a dying man in the desert and she was pure water.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey knelt next to Ben and took his hands in hers, ignoring the shackles at his wrists. She just held his hands, feeling his skin against hers, warm and soft and comforting like that first time through the bond. They didn’t speak. There was nothing to say. Both an eternity passed and not enough time passed at all before the doors swung open and the jury came back through, delivering a note with Ben’s fate on it to the judge. The judge called the court back to order and Rey put her hands on Ben’s face.
> 
> “No matter what they say, I’ll be there,” she said to him, and kissed him on the forehead as she stood to go.

 

**Rey**

 

Rey entered the Mon Calamari mess hall with a tray stacked high with food, and Ben Solo at her side. As expected, a noticeable hush fell over the large room. 

Rey sighed heavily. “What do they expect, a public announcement? Yes, everyone, thanks for taking such an interest in my personal life and you’re right, I  _ have  _ been sleeping with our worst enemy, thanks for asking.”

Next to her, Ben smirked. “Fine with me, as long as you also reveal how good I am in bed.”

“And have every Resistance girl with a weakness for pretty eyes competing with me? No thanks.”

His hand found the small of her back. “No competition.” 

She beamed. “There’s an empty table.”

They made their way to it, ignoring the curious onlookers. Ben was wearing a cuff around his ankle, a device that would alert the whole base should he try to leave. He was a prisoner, even if part of the terms they’d negotiated (Leia, and Phasma on his behalf) were that he wouldn’t have to spend his days awaiting trial in a prison cell. The Knights had surrendered as well, and their conditions were similar, even if they didn’t face near the consequences Ben would.

Rey stuffed a bite of some kind of fish into her mouth and hummed in appreciation. She’d been eating like a bantha since the battle and even though it had only been a few days, she was quite sure she’d already put on weight. Ben had the grace not to comment, of course, but she could feel  _ more  _ of herself when he touched her. She was going to have to keep her appetite in check and train hard for a while, but for now she just couldn’t force herself to give up the Mon Calamari cuisine. She’d never even known such creatures existed in the sea, let alone how good they could taste. 

“Usko and See-Threepio have been working day and night on the translations,” Ben was saying over the deafening sound of her taste buds doing the dance of joy. “There are other mentions of the crystals being the anchor to the material plane for the Force. Moreover, that you were right… it’s the only way to restore the Force and make it whole again.”

“Giving it balance,” Rey provided, and Ben nodded. He had something on his tray that featured a delightful-looking cream sauce, and Rey stole a forkful and popped it into her mouth. Ben only smiled at the petty theft. “But we can’t possibly destroy it all. That would take… years. And that’s  _ if  _ we can track it all down.”

“Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” Ben set his fork aside and leaned close to her, whispering. “You know the knights will help us destroy the crystal, and we’ll need them, especially if I’m gone.” Rey opened her full mouth to protest and Ben gently pushed her jaw back up to close it. “They may still decide execution is the only way, even if they don’t, I’m looking at a lot of years in a cell, Rey. It won’t do us any good to ignore that while making our plans.”

Slowly, Rey relented and went back to chewing.

“But there’s something else you need to know.” Ben looked around, making sure no one could hear their whispers. “You know how Jarek was here before?”

“Stealing the plans for war ships.”

“That wasn’t all he was doing.” Ben picked up his fork again and pushed around the food on his tray. “We found a way to search for Force-sensitives, and he was here to… recruit, I guess you could say.”

“For the knights? So, for neither the dark or the light?”

“Yes. Even without my, um, help, Snoke would have eventually passed away, and we were preparing to lead after that, with a whole new generation of Force users who could use both the dark and the light equally. Gray Jedi aren’t a new concept, but what we would have done was change the whole philosophy around it.” 

“That the Force itself isn’t light or dark.”

Ben nodded. “There are pockets of Force-sensitives all over the galaxy that are lying in wait for us to come forward and lead.”

Rey took in this new information and, knowing how Ben’s brain worked, could see his vision easily. “The First Order with you at the helm and the rise of a new group of warriors who were without limits in the Force.”

Ben didn’t argue at all with her interpretation. 

“Still sounds a bit like oppression to me.” 

“Not if everyone has enough to eat and a proper roof over their heads. I’m not talking about slavery, Rey. I’m talking about everyone working for everyone, for the greater good.”

Rey took that in, and sensed the many flaws in the plan, but didn’t have the energy to travel down that road again, the road that always led to an argument.

“So how did you seek out the Force-sensitives?”

Ben smiled and took a gigantic bite, not bothering with manners as he spoke. “That’s the crazy part. We used kyber crystals. If we made ourselves the vessel of the Force as if we were a lightsaber… it was like we could see through lightyears and time. Rey, I could see a map of the galaxy in a way. Not with planets and star systems, but a grid of Force-signatures. We mapped out as much of the galaxy as we could.”

“And if you could use crystals to find Force-sensitives…”

“Maybe we can use them to find other crystals.”

Rey sat back, then cocked her head at him. “How long have you been looking?”

“A while. We started not long after we left Luke.” She met his eyes, and didn’t even need words or the bond to ask the next question. “Yes, that’s how I knew of you before we met. Not just the dreams but that you were a Force-sensitive on Jakku, although I didn’t make the connection for a while.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You never came to recruit me.”

Ben chuckled, then quieted when her eyes narrowed even more. “You, um… you didn’t have a strong signature. Barely present. Until we were face to face on Starkiller, anyway. Then you lit up like a comet.”

“Well pardon the lonely orphan for being so late to catch on. You know I taught myself everything, whether it was scavenging or reading or—”

“Rey,” Ben said, his hand settling over hers. “It wasn’t a criticism. It’s amazing what you’ve been able to do without training. I was just answering a question.”

Rey settled herself and scooped up some of her dessert. The flavors were rich and fruity and creamy all at once. “When can we try it?” 

“Tonight, if you want. Maybe with the two of us, we could have an even stronger connection.”

“Hey, mind if we join you?”

Rey looked up at Poe’s voice, happy to see him and Finn and Rose. Rey scooted over slightly and made room, and so did Ben, though he looked nervous at this new development. Finn sat next to him. 

He nodded at the men. “Dameron. Finn.”

“Ben, right?” Finn asked. “Don’t go by that other name anymore?”

“Not anymore.”

Finn smiled and lifted his fork, as excited as Rey for tasty food. “Excellent.”

Ben nodded to Rose. “Rose Tico, right? Rey’s told me a lot about you.”

Rose shot Rey a look. “Wish I could say the same.” 

In response, Rey stuck her tongue out at her friend. 

“You lost a sister recently,” Ben said gently. “I’m so sorry. And I’m sorry that the First Order was the cause.”

“It wasn’t the entire cause,” Poe said, and he and Rose exchanged a heavy look. “We lost a lot of good people that day because of a few irresponsible decisions. Mainly mine.”

Rose’s hand closed over Poe’s. “We’re all just doing what we believe is right. That’s all we can do. Right, Ben?”

After a moment, Ben nodded, his face soft. 

Then suddenly everyone was on their feet, and Rey and Ben were the last ones to react, standing as General Leia swept into the room. She made a beeline for them while waving at everyone to be seated. 

She didn’t bother sitting. “Ben,” she said, looking at her son with an expression that was stoic, even if Rey could see the panic in her eyes. “We need to talk.”

Ben looked around the table, eyes settling on Rey reassuringly, then he stood and followed his mother out of the hall. 

 

**Ben**

 

“The trial is set for tomorrow.”

Ben took in this information and sank slowly into one of the chairs in Leia’s guest room. “That’s… soon. Will I have someone to defend me?”

“That’s not precisely the way we work, since this is a military court. There will be a jury of Resistance officers and a few Republic senators. I, of course, cannot be on the jury for this particular trial.” Leia was pacing. It brought back the long nights of his childhood, when they were all waiting to see if Han would come home. “You will have a chance to speak and defend yourself.”

Ben shook his head. 

Leia stopped short. “Ben, you can’t be serious. You have to say something in your own defense!”

“We’ve been over this, Mom. There is no defense.”

Leia looked at him for a long moment, then resumed her pacing with a curt nod. “Rey could speak for you.”

“I won’t ask her to.”

“Well, I have no qualms asking her, so I will.”

Ben let that pass. “You know these people, Mom. What am I facing?”

Leia’s flushed cheeks drained of color. “Prison. Perhaps for life.”

“Execution?”

“I’ve asked for that to be taken off the table, in light of recent events.” Leia stopped pacing again and although she darted a glance at him, she quickly looked away. “And because you’re my child.”

“Mom…”

“If I can use it, I’m going to. Ethics be damned.”

Ben looked away, too, eyes filling. “I love you, Mom.”

“I know,” she said, and they looked at each other then, both of them smiling. “I think in spite of everything, your father would have been proud of you. This, you coming home...being a family again... finding a girl who can knock you on your ass...that’s all he ever wanted for you.”

Ben’s throat tightened so much he could barely speak. “Thanks.” 

Leia nodded. “We’d best tell Rey.”

Ben nodded too, then swallowed. “I… I wanted that too. To have a family with her. To grow old with her. I would have given up everything for that, I just… realized that too late.”

Leia raised wet eyes to his. “I think we all wanted that, sweetheart. Well, except for maybe Finn.”

That had them both chuckling, and Ben wrapped his arms around his mother and she held him too and he wished she’d have never let go when he was younger, and that he’d never have to let her go now. 

 

***

 

Leia left, and Rey sat at the edge of her bed, shaking her head with denial. “It’s too soon. If we had more time…”

Rey didn’t finish her thought. There were a thousand different ways she could have ended the sentence. 

“I’m sure they want to get this done quickly. The ceasefire will end after the trial, and the less time they can give the First Order to plan their next attack, the better.”

“It’s just… it’s not fair.” 

Ben sat next to her, taking her hand. “It’s justice, though.” 

Rey took her hand back and stood, staring down at him angrily. He loved that anger, how she could turn vicious in a heartbeat. Even when it was aimed at him. “But how can you just sit there and not say anything? Not defend yourself?”

“What’s there to defend?” he asked. “I killed my father, Rey. I ordered a whole village slaughtered. And I may not be on trial for it here, but I’ve killed a Supreme Leader and a general of the First Order. Not to mention Starkiller.”

“You didn’t order that attack. You didn’t build that weapon.”

“No, but I did nothing to stop it, did I?” Rey fumed, and Ben stood, drawing her into his embrace. “Go ahead and be mad at me, but if I spoke in my own defense, what would I even say? What excuse did I have? Rey…” He kissed the top of her head. “You… the silencing of Snoke’s voice in my head… being with my mother again… all of it. It’s changed me; led me back here. But I can’t escape what I’ve done. I need to face the consequences.”

Rey looked up at him, her big sad eyes piercing right through his chest. “Well, I will speak for you, if my word counts for anything. And your mom’s word will count for a lot.”

Ben nodded. “Maybe. We can hope. Right now we should work with the kyber and see what we can do. We don’t have time to argue.”

Rey unclipped her lightsaber from her belt and held it in one hand, while with the other she directed the Force into the weapon. Screws turned, parts loosened, and the bottom of the saber fell into her waiting hand, followed a second later by crystal. She set all but the crystal aside.

Ben’s hand closer over hers. “Okay, when we did this to find the Force users, we held the kyber between us like this, and centered in on the Force inside us and… sort of pushed it into the crystal while also thinking about finding the Force users.”

“That’s not complicated at all.”

Ben smirked. “It’s like meditation with an extreme focus on one thing.”

“Yep. Not complicated at all.” Rey sighed. “Okay, let’s try it.”

“Close your eyes. Find the Force within you and grab hold of it.” Ben could feel it the instant Rey found it, and he couldn’t help but be proud of the way she’d done it so quickly. It gave him the boost he needed to find it himself. “Good. Now… push it through the kyber. Remember how the lightsaber feels in your hands when you’re using it in tandem with the Force? It’s like that.”

Just like before, the Force radiated through Rey as if she were the perfect conductor, and he joined his energy with hers a fraction of a second later. 

“And now,” he said, whispering, afraid of losing the connection and anxious to find out what would happen, “think of the crystals. All of them. All over the galaxy.”

Behind his eyelids, red dots appeared. Just a few at first, then whole constellations of them, blinking like stars in the sky.

“Wow.” He could feel Rey’s excitement fluttering along their bond. “There’s so many. And we can use this like a map?”

“Yes, but we need to write it all down, and figure out how it overlays with an actual map of the galaxy.”

“Wait. No. Ben, I think I can…Let me try something. I think I can take it out of our minds and...”

The Force shifted. Ben opened his eyes and the dots were still there, but now they were like a holovid playing in the air. Rey was working hard, eyes closed, energy pouring out of her into the dots above them, clear as day. Ben had never seen anything like it. When he’d done this with the knights, they’d had to work from memory because if the connection was broken, the map would disappear or sections would fade out. And never had they been able to project it. But with Rey…

He supposed it was as good as the both of them still connected, their powers combined through the bond. “Rey. Keep going. I’m going to get my datapad. I think there… to your left, where there’s a huge cluster? I think that’s Ilum, the caves. That’s a good place to start. Rey…”

“I can do this for a while,” she said, reading his mind, or maybe just his worry. “All night, probably.”

“Good. This may be our only shot. Before, mapping the Force-sensitives with the knights… it was never this clear. But with you and I both working, it’s as good as the  _ Falcon’ _ s navigational system.” Rey opened her eyes and smiled at him, love warming her irises. “Rey… I think perhaps we’re the only ones who could do this. I think we were  _ meant  _ to.”

The map was still there, above their heads; Rey wasn’t about to let go of it. Ben keyed in a code on the datapad and projected a map of the galaxy upwards too, layering it on top of the dots representing the crystals. He adjusted the size, turned it to the left, then the right, focused it some more and…they had it. A complete map.

“This is going to take a lot of time,” Rey said, defeat already coloring her voice as she took in the magnitude of the task before her.

“Yes, but you’ll have the knights. And anyone else.”

Rey ignored the implication. “Finn and Poe could help. Rose. But Ben…”

Her eyes opened and she looked at him. “We’ve agreed to do this, to give up the Force. What about the knights and the others you found? We’re going to be taking the Force away from them. Maybe some of them will never know they had it.”

He saved the map overlaid with their crystal grid to a file and switched the datapad off. Rey let the Force connection drop and set to work putting the kyber back in her saber. 

“You know how I feel about the greater good, and the sacrifices everyone needs to make to get there.”

Rey set her jaw. “Yes, but what if they don’t even know what they’re sacrificing? Shouldn’t they have a say?”

“And what about the ones that refuse to give it up? Who may even use the dark side? Then, what? Rey, if this is the way to restore balance, we can’t leave it up to choice. There’s too much greed in the universe. And I definitely think it is the way. I don’t think it’s any coincidence that you and I are here, right now, and we discovered this together.”

Rey didn’t argue, and when she looked back at him he saw an unfamiliar kind of resignation in her eyes. “I suppose that leads into my next question, then… how is kyber destroyed?”

Ben didn’t have to search through the messy files in his mind of Jedi and Sith history to answer that question. He’d seen it done once; a punishment Snoke had doled out… the end to the lightsaber he’d made as Luke’s padawan.

“Fire. That’s the only way.” Rey looked at him in question, most likely sensing his pain. “No. That’s not why mine is cracked. Snoke destroyed my first crystal. This one…” Ben touched the lightsaber at his hip. “This one was already cracked when I found it. It called to me. Imagine, a broken thing calling for me…”

“Maybe not so broken now, I think.” Rey took his hand.

He looked at her, lacing his fingers through hers. “No. I guess you did fix me, Rey. Time and patience, right?”

“You fixed yourself, Ben Solo. And don’t forget it.”

  
  


**Rey**

 

Rey sat at the makeshift witness stand in the makeshift courtroom, talking for what felt like hours about all the good she’d seen Ben Lando Solo do in the last few months. She talked until her voice gave out and her tongue was so dry she could barely move it to speak.

Leia had already taken the stand in Ben’s defense, telling the jury of intimidating-looking politicians that the sweet child she’d known had been brainwashed by Snoke, his mind poisoned by the dark side and twisted into something dark itself. She spoke of her recent experience with him, telling the jury that he’d proven himself, that she’d forgiven him for taking the life of her husband, and that she truly believed he’d turned back to the light.

The only one who seemed moved by her words was Ben himself, and Rey felt his relief flood her own body when his mother talked of forgiveness.

As Rey glanced toward the jury, she saw that her words, too, had landed flat. Why would they trust her, or even give weight to what she had to say? She was only a new Jedi, barely trained, and new to the Resistance as well. And during her short time with them, she had fallen in love with the leader of the enemy and risked her own missions for him. Why would her words have any credence at all? 

The judge—a senator from the Republic whose name Rey hadn’t listened to when it was announced—thanked her without sincerity for her time and Rey took a seat next to Leia. Ben was in front of them, shackled, and Rey was thankful that he didn’t turn around. She didn’t want to see disappointment or hopelessness in his eyes, or worse yet, gratitude, even though she’d done nothing to help him. 

She closed her eyes and pleaded with the Force that he would change his mind and speak on his own behalf, at least to explain himself. His actions. To set the record straight about so many things, but Ben made no move to do so. 

_ It’s justice, sweetheart. I’ll let it be done. And then maybe I can be at peace with all of it. _

Rey didn’t answer. Even her thoughts seemed to be choked up and exhausted from the emotions she’d just poured out to the jury, but she smiled at the back of Ben’s head and willed all the love she could toward him through the bond. 

“If no one else is here to speak in defense of the accused, then I propose we let the jury deliberate and take a short–”

“I’d like to speak, please.”

Gasps and murmurs went in waves around the crowded courtroom, and Rey joined in the chorus when she recognized the voice. 

Finn stood, dressed in his Resistance uniform, and the senator waved to him, irritated. Finn waded his way through the chairs and sat at the witness stand. He looked at Rey and nodded once, short, and then to Ben Solo. 

“I haven’t known Ben Solo long, your… honor,” Finn started, looking unsure at who exactly to address. He glanced over at the jury just in case and was met with the same coolness that Rey knew too well. “I’ve only come across him a few times, and I’ve only spoken with him maybe three times, if that.”

Some of the jurors shifted, impatient.

“One of those times he tried to kill me, or at least I thought that was what he was trying to do. I was a traitor to his side and it certainly felt like he was trying to kill me but…” Finn looked at Ben. “He didn’t. He probably should have, and he definitely  _ could  _ have. He was injured but I was still no match for him. Not with a lightsaber, anyway, and I don’t have the Force. He could have killed me that night but he didn’t. He didn’t kill Rey either. He held back, and I think it’s because he was still good after all of that. After everything General Leia said about Snoke brainwashing him and all of the suffering he must have gone through, I think the light was still really strong inside him. And then I saw it for myself only a few days ago. Once when he first set foot here on Dac. All he wanted to do was save his mother. He had no interest in hurting anyone if he didn’t have to. Well, except for General Hux I guess, but he was our enemy too, and if Hux had been in power instead of Ben Solo, you can bet we’d all be dead by now. And then the second time we faced off here, Ben didn’t want to hurt me. In fact, he wanted me to kill him so that justice could be done. He knows he did wrong; I know he did wrong. We all know he did. So I guess I’m not saying you shouldn’t deliver justice. I guess what I’m asking for is mercy. I do think there’s good in him, and I think he’s made a turn for it, for sure. But more than that, good people love him. The best people _ I know _ love him. And I think that says a lot. I don’t want to see them suffer, either. And I think he’d be a great ally if we’d let him.”

Finn looked around and then shrugged. “I guess that’s all I have to say. Thanks.” 

Finn stood and walked back to his seat in the row across the aisle from Rey without ceremony. Rey leaned forward and caught his eye, mouthing,  _ Thank you.  _ He nodded. The crowded room remained silent. The senator-judge waited for a few moments, and when no one else came forward, he called for a recess so the jury could deliberate. They left and the crowd got up to stretch their legs or discuss the proceedings, and Rey flew to Ben’s side. 

Ben was smiling. “I can’t believe he did that.”

She looked over at Finn, who was watching them. He smiled at her. “I can.”

Rey knelt next to Ben and took his hands in hers, ignoring the shackles at his wrists. She just held his hands, feeling his skin against hers, warm and soft and comforting like that first time through the bond. They didn’t speak. There was nothing to say. Both an eternity passed and not enough time passed at all before the doors swung open and the jury came back through, delivering a note with Ben’s fate on it to the judge. The judge called the court back to order and Rey put her hands on Ben’s face. 

“No matter what they say, I’ll be there,” she said to him, and kissed him on the forehead as she stood to go.

“You’re too good for me, Rey of Jakku. You’re too good for this galaxy.”

“Nah. I’d say we’re pretty evenly matched.”

He laughed and leaned up to kiss her goodbye. Rey sat down next to Leia and the two women squeezed each other’s hands nervously as the judge began to read the verdict.


	29. Epilogue

 

**Rey**

 

_ Four years later… _

 

She bent over and untied the net, letting no less than ten fish flop to the grassy ground. Not a bad catch for one morning, and with the cheese she’d made from the thala-siren’s milk, she might be able to recreate that sauce she loved so much on Dac. She’d had such a craving for that lately. She smiled at the cause and rubbed her rounded belly lovingly.

“For the love of… Rey, you have to stop lifting so much.”

“It was just a few few fish,” she said, simultaneously rolling her eyes and turning to her husband. He was coming up over the hill toward her, his own catch—a fish nearly her size—on his shoulders. His face had hardened a bit in the harsh Ahch-To wind, his muscles more like steel after the two years in prison where using his brain and body was the only thing that kept him from going insane, but his eyes were as soft and loving as ever. 

They didn’t have the bond anymore; they’d lost that the moment when they’d destroyed the last crystal a year ago, but they didn’t need it. They communicated just fine without it, due to both of them wearing their emotions on their sleeves. Ahch-To didn’t really allow its inhabitants to keep secrets from each other, and, they’d found, the island made fights absolutely miserable. They could give each other the cold shoulder all they wanted, but goodness knows they needed each other’s help to survive. It was either get along or talk with the caretakers, and Rey knew whose company she preferred. They’d learned to keep their hot tempers in check, and funnel their anger into other passions. 

Rey touched her belly again, smiling. It was a wonder this was only their first. Rey had a feeling the baby was a girl, though she didn’t have an explanation why. Leia had visited several times, unable to keep away from her son and daughter-in-law in such a “delicate” condition, and told her stories of being pregnant with Ben. How she’d known him through the Force before he’d taken his first breath.

That was her one regret about destroying the crystals. She could only guess at what her child, Ben’s child, would be like.

Ben shrugged off the fish, then touched her belly too, proud and awed and terrified. He nodded back toward the crest of the hill, where the land dropped off suddenly on the other side and gave way to the sea. 

“I’ll get another. Actually, if we’re going to have all the knights here tonight, and Finn and Poe, I should probably get two.”

Rey smiled at his back as he set out toward the water. He’d grown to love Poe and Finn, and Rey knew he absolutely adored Rose, but she also knew that seeing them pulled Ben in two different directions: he wanted to go fight with them, to seek out what little remained of the First Order and perhaps be of use in negotiations with Phasma. But there was a part of Ben, perhaps a bigger part, that wanted to stay on the island forever and never be bothered with the outside world again. 

At first, the exile to the Unknown Regions after his prison sentence was up seemed like a twist of the knife; an extra punishment out of spite. But after his release, they’d made a home together on Ahch-To, and it was truly  _ home _ . Rey spent her days with the water and the earth, growing food or catching it with her own hands. She pored over the Sith and Jedi texts, using them for wisdom and guidance instead of training in the Force. Ben was always at her side, working with her, loving and strong and passionate. Their days were hard but satisfying, and their nights together were their reward, talking over a fire, cuddling up under the furs, making love to the rhythm of the rain. 

And now there would be a child, another to make their little family complete. 

As if in response, the babe kicked, making Rey giggle. 

“Shh, little one. Daddy will be back soon. He’s never far.”

_ I know, Momma. I feel him. _

Rey’s face went slack with shock and she drew in a gasping breath. 

No. It wasn’t possible. They’d destroyed the crystals. She couldn’t use the Force anymore, Ben couldn’t use the Force anymore.  _ No one _ could use the Force anymore. It no longer had the roots that anchored it to living things. 

“Rey!” 

Ben’s voice, filled with concern, drew Rey away from her own thoughts. He was coming toward her quickly. 

“I… I heard something. I thought I heard…”

“Our daughter,” Rey said, knowing for sure now. She took Ben’s hand and pressed it to her stomach, where the child kicked in response again. They smiled at each other, bright happy smiles, until their faces slowly turned into expressions of sadness. “But I don’t hear you. Just her.”

Ben nodded. “Just her.”

“But how does she…?” Rey shook her head. “We failed, Ben. If she has the Force, that must mean there are still crystals somewhere. We didn’t bring balance.”

Ben looked at her for a long moment, the Ahch-To sea breeze lifting his long hair. “I don’t think we failed. Not exactly.”

She tilted her head, not giving a voice to the question on her lips. 

Ben drew his wife into his arms, resting his chin on the top of her head, and chuckled a little. “I think there was balance, for a time. But I think maybe the Force is telling us exactly where it wants to be. And maybe that’s more important than balance.”

Rey burrowed her face into his chest. “But how will we teach her?”

Ben pulled back slightly, enough that he could touch Rey’s swollen belly again. The baby moved toward his touch and he met his wife’s eyes with an amused and knowing smile. “Something tells me she’ll figure it out.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read this, and especially everyone who commented. I just adore these characters and I've loved every minute of writing this.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, so... first time writing in this particular fandom so be gentle?


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